Fingers Crossed

I literally just fell asleep at my cubicle. No lie. For a brief minute or two I actually dozed off,  only to be startled awake by a soft snore. How is it only Wednesday? Why is it not at least 5:30, so I can start packing my stuff and head home? Why the hell am I still here at this cubicle doing my job on daily auto pilot? 

Creepy Guy and Annoying girl are both  on vacation this week and without the constant pitter patter of Creepy Guy hovering near my desk or the annoying and asinine ramblings of Annoying Girl(who i don't think i've mentioned before) talking insistently,  the office is pretty quiet this week. Like excruciatingly quiet. Like i-have-run-out-of-ways-to-even-fake-busy quiet.

Crush boy has been pretty aloof and uninteresting this week and I am sort of bummed out by the lack of consistency in our budding friendship. He vacillates between being an engaging and inquisitive guy to an aloof, distant and static robot. This week he is a robot and because I am uber sensitive, I am trying not to be hurt but the sudden malfunction. I can't help wondering (of course) what or if or why things have suddenly soured between us.

He seems to have given up all of a sudden and because I am not as invested to the relationship outside of curiosity and musings, I haven't put much of an effort to figure out why.
I too am at fault for some of this static work week. I have other things on my mind and this hasn't made me much of an inviting person lately. Last weekend Heather and I had a impromptu hangout where we ran errands, drank coffee and complained about stuff. I'm not sure why I enjoy doing this with Heather as much as I do. But honesty anytime she asks me to run errands with her, my answer is immediately yes.

Last weekend was no different. She picked me up around noon so we could run around buying things we needed (groceries, office supplies, coffee) and some things we didn't (moleskin notebooks, decor related items, candy). During our hangout she mentioned that one of my supervisors at the University recently got a promotion and was no longer at my old department. With her absence there is now a full time position open  and she thinks I should apply because my boss loved me and I could get my job back at a place that i adored.

It took me a moment to digest the news. I've been looking for a opportunity to rejoin the University since I left. I only quit because I was poor, poorer than I've ever been in my life and at the time my boss did not have a full time gig to offer me. So on many fronts being able to return, this time with a salary and benefits, would be amazing, plus i could go back to school for free. I am only a little apprehensive about the gig because my department was always on the brink of huge budget cuts and at the time I quit, I was nervous they were going to let some people go to save money.

Regardless, I sent in my resume and cover letter a week ago. I haven't heard anything back yet and am not sure if I should reach out to my former boss just to let him know I am interested. I feel like every decision I make for myself now has this immediate effect. I quit the bookstore, I moved to a new town, I got a new job and my life is so freaking different than i ever could imagine. Mentally and physically. I'm in a good place. I still struggle emotionally and I guess socially and I must admit this is pretty frustrating.

I want to return to the University for a litany of good reasons, but mainly for one selfish one. I miss being around people. I miss being park of a community. I miss being surrounded by potential relationships. And that fact that every one I have started to form at this job has fallen threw the cracks or is Patricia's case the depths of hell, returning to the University could greatly impact my nonexistent social life. Because it is non existent outside of my mom and Kat. And that shit is sort of depressing

Le sigh.