The deep end...AGAIN.

Every time I think I am going to write a introspective post about some lesson I have learned, reality comes crashing in and all you get is a post about me almost drowning at SIX FLAGS. NO LIE.

I wasn't even suppose to go to the six flags Waterpark extravaganza, but because of the wedding and telling my mom a month in advance that I would go, I couldn't all of a sudden change my mind. That didn't stop me from being a little mad though. I felt like I had passed up an opportunity to hang out with people my own age. That was until Marie called and told me that her friends had all bailed on them(probably wanting to avoid awkward couple moments) and that they now were going to go on a Sunday.

YEAH.

So after driving for 4 hours to get back home to quickly change into swim wear, I got in a cramped and hot car with Marie and her man for another two hour ride to SIX FLAGS. Conversation wasn't bad in the car, but I don't really talk to her boyfriend. I talk at him. Kind of like if he isn't there. It's not that I don't like him, it's just that I am weirded out that Marie has a boyfriend, and that she is now a couple. He doesn't seem to mind though, because he talks at me too.

If it hadn't been for my sleepiness I think I would have killed myself alone with his crappy music. It was like some rock music I never knew existed. It was loud and screechy, but then campy and Big Band, but the lyrics were about suicide and love. WTF. His iPod was broken so he had only burned ONE CD. I don't know how many times this stupid CD kept playing, but I was tempted to place my bookbag over my head and cry bloody murder. But I didn't.

Of course we got lost, and the two of them had a argument, and I cringed in the back, but we finally made it, and had a blast. Though I am not the strongest swimmer that didn't stop me from going on every ride. I mainly didn't want to look like a chicken because I am slightly fearful of heights, and also of drowning. I didn't feel like the third wheel that much, but there were still moments when it was clear they were having a couple moment and I was not, and did not want to be, apart of.

They made weird googily eyes, and flashed secret smiles to one another, and I tried not to barf in the corner. Marie kept saying weird things before we went on the ride, that I can't quite tell if she was trying to hint things to me. Mainly signs of if they had had sex or not. On one ride, the one I hated the most because it was pretty high up in the sky, she was like "make sure to cross your legs on the way down, protect that virginity of yours". WTF. The last thing I'm thinking about on this scary ass ride is VIRGINITY. I'm thinking "hey I hope I don't fly off this damn thing on the way down." So that was pretty weird.

Anyway after waiting in long lines for a ride that last for about 20 seconds(at best), we had decided to go on the lazy river(well it's what I call it). Except this lazy river had quite a current. Luckily it was only 3 ft deep, and other than smacking kids in the head with my huge inner tube, I was not knocking on deaths door on this particular ride. Though I did flip over and hit the button pretty hard on the way down.

The ride that almost ended my life was this huge pool with the strongest waves EVER. For some reason we thought this would be the cool down part of our day. Our feet we were hurting, we were completely drenched and tired, and voices were strained from screaming like Bi-acthes. Marie mainly.

Once again I am not a strong swimmer, but getting into the water and having the waves crash into me was actually pretty fun. I would head in, and then have this huge wave push me back to the "shore". I felt like I was in some movie, and was expecting to be pushed onto shore into the welcoming arms of Hotness . Oh I can dream can't I.

What I forgot was this dark black line, that clearly spelled "if you are not a strong swimmer stay the hell away from this line', but I was so happy that my head was still above water even after crossing the line that I didn't see this huge wave come crashing into me. I was so shocked by it and was dragged into 8 ft of water in a matter of seconds.

Who knows where Marie was at or her boyfriend for that matter of fact. I came up for air, grabbed a lung full of it, and headed back under, hoping that I was swimming in the right direction. It didn't matter though, the current was to hard for me to swim anywhere. I barely know how to swim especially not with the force of fake waves.

At this point I was sinking. Knocking on deaths door or not, I can be certain that there were no white lights. Your life doesn't flash before your eyes, and I sure as hell didn't get any calm sense of "baby I'm coming home". Literally in that moment,struggling to hold on to air, the only thing that was racing through my mind was "wait, let me do it again". Whatever the hell that meant. Before I could struggle again to break the surface of the water, I was yanked up like a rag doll in the welcoming arms of Hotness...Okay it was actually Marie who had wondered why I was under the water for so long.

She basically carried me all the way back across the black line, and the wave pushed me the rest of the way back onto land. Like it was spitting me out. Needless to say they made me wear a life jacket and sit on the inner tube, and I had to hold on to Marie's inner tube the rest of the time we spent in there, so I wouldn't float away. I know how to end things nicely don't I.

I spent my time on the inner tube thinking of what just happened, and how bad it could have really gotten. Because you always think that the moments you believe are going to be your last ,you are going to think of all the memories from your past. Yet I, who doesn't believe I would have drowned(hopefully), could only think about how much more I wanted to do. I wanted to have more memories and not be yanked from experiencing them.

My small drowning incident behind us we headed back home. Her boyfriend wanted pizza of all things and we spent an hour getting lost in this new town, because he wouldn't just go throw the drive-thru like normal people. He got us so lost, that Marie was pissed, and I was just aggravated. We both slept on the way home, but I woke up halfway and spent the next hour or so trying not to tell him to turn on the radio, or I would have to throw his CD out the window(it was that bad).

Yesterday my body had given up on me, and I ached all over. My back, legs, shoulder, arms and everything else hurt. I laid in my room, cats of course by my side and slept, so happy to be in a bed and at home.

Such a random thought to want more memories in the midst of drowning. I couldn't help but to reflect on my life, and wants, and hopes, and even what lies before me. That i hope i will have memories to tell one day. Goods ones, i mean. I hope this school year provides them. I hope my life provides them.

I just don't want my own crashing waves of insecurity to pull me in deeper than I can manage. I must find a way to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground and/or learn how to swim and enjoy the long ride without sinking to the bottom.