Let the River Run

Today was my interview for the library job. I wish I could say that I had practice some great interviewing material, I wish I could say that I had worn the skirt my mom begged me to wear, I could also say that I felt confident I would get the job hook, line, and sinker.

But I went to bed extremely late watching who knows what, I wore jeans and a cardigan, and I didn't once prepare for an interview.

Needless to say as I approached the office of the lady who was to interview me I was pretty nervous. This was the only job I wanted, I couldn't see myself working anywhere else, and I desperately needed the money, and the experience for references. But there still was the huge possibility that I wouldn't get the job, and I prepared myself for that....

I got the job though, but I couldn't have just come out and written it. What would be the fun in that. It was bizarre, they were shooting me questions right and left, and I was articulate and funny, and real. By the end of it, she had offered me the position( not that much pay, but I get to pick my own hours and all I have to do is shelve books), and said I was a very pleasant person to interview.

Who the hell was that girl in the interview room today? Surely it wasn't me. Scared old me, with no sense of how to talk to people. But I did pretty well, they asked the dreaded "So tell me about yourself", and I rambled for a good 5 minutes. They asked me about my past experience with old job, and I was truthful about it, it sucked but I did what I could. They asked me if I preferred working in groups or alone...This one was pretty tricky, but I told her that I understood the importance of groups and the strength that they provide, and I was able to adapt in group situations, but I preferred working alone. I know how I work, and am pretty strong in my finishing tasks alone.

She bought that, and I am now a working girl...Well in the nonprostitution way...I am a girl with a JOB. YEAH!!!

If this is any indication of the year, than bring it on, I'm ready for it...I was literally on cloud nice walking out of the building.

But I must be the only person who is hesitant about happiness. I don't know if it is a defense mechanism but I never am completely am comfortable with the good events in my life. I am deeply affected by my past experiences, so much that it makes those small victories hard to take. But it did feel good today, just to feel...Excited. I haven't had that feeling for a long time.

I hope this continues, maybe not blissful happiness, but the type of contentment that will make being here and not somewhere else (Philadelphia) a lot easier.

I just hope my year doesn't turn into some soap opera novela though, "where I am forced to choose between the quiet and mysterious poet from exotic lands, or the dashing lothario whose unpredictable passion for her(me) is fiery yet dangerous. Who will I choose, will either find out about each other, stay tuned next week for "As the Campus Turns", where their drama is as complicated as waking up for an 8am class."

Anyway, Thursday is approaching pretty quickly, very nervous about that. I am kind of ready to get back to Art boys club, I think seeing a familiar and comforting(b/c of his extreme loveliness)face will make being here a little more real. Heart tucked safely in chest, I am not wearing it or my "affection" for him on my sleeve. Unless there is real conversation, feedback, or plain connections, he will just be a face I admire. A hot specimen of a face that I admire.

I'm leaving my options open for this year, I expect nothing concrete but am willing to be open to the things that come my way, as long as it is doesn't involve settling for happiness. I think that is too important to settle for anymore.