Yesterday i had a pretty amazing day. I so rarely get those that when i don't take it for granted. I roll in the amazing day, skip and hop with the amazing day, cause I'm the kind of person who knows that feeling/day will not remain long.
It's not that i have a bundle of bad days. My days are good and well, but for the most part, especially during summer session...very uneventful. Summer session means less people, less events going around campus for me to be a surveyor of. And the loneliness is at an all time high
Anyway, back to yesterday. After a couple of bland days, full of 2 hour classes, drooling during my then 2 hour break, and then walking in the blazing heat back to my far as hell dorm, i was in need of a good day.
Last week or so, we had to write a paper for English. She gave us a list of topics we could choose from and i decided to write my paper on the similarities between the movie the Sixth Sense ("I see dead people") and a novel we read in class called "Wieland" ("I hear voices"). Even though class participation is a part of our grade, i still find it hard to do. Everyone seems so knowledgeable about stuff and i know nothing, so i don't say anything.
Everyone in my class seems to know some deeper meaning about the things we read. They give historical, political and economic evidence, while i sit completely confused as to which hat they pulled this information from. There arguments are completely logical and come from a purely academic place...i am jealous
When teachers give me compliments on my writing it never is about how "logical" my paper is. I don't use elements of history, big termed English motifs, and crap like that. I am unfortunately totally "feeling" based, which means most of my evidence to back up my argument is on a psychological type things. Emotional arguments, naturey(not a word) arguments, and nothing more.
Because i don't talk in class I knew that my paper had to make up for that. And it totally did, i guess she wasn't expecting much from me (seeing that i don't say much), but when she handed back my paper she was besides herself with great things to say about it. Not only did i totally surprise her in my "amazing" paper(as she put it) but i got a HUGE 96!!! on it. I waited till i was out sight to dance and shake at my really good grade, and then regained composure for the rest of the day, with a goofy smile on my face.
The good news did not only stop there, i made a 94 on my history exam, and finally got my DVD (featuring my husband) from amazon.com. I felt on top of the academic world, if i only had a hat and the Mary Tyler Moore theme song, it would have been perfect.
And then...Today happened.
Kryptonite:Superman::Poetry:Me
Everyone has their weak spots, and poetry is definitely mine. I hate poetry, i don't get it, don't like it, and would have no problem if i never read it again. Some contemporary stuff is okay, but that's about it for me and poetry. I cringe when it is discussed in class, and was devastated when we had to talk about Emily Dickinson today. After my paper, my teacher keeps looking to me for answers to her questions, today was no exception, except i didn't have any answers. I fumbled at Dickinson's meaning, guessed not so intelligently at what she was getting at, and literally said "i liked this poem cause it sounds pretty". And then after enough embarassment, she made me read the poem "I'm Nobody! Who are You?" Just because i'm quiet, doesn't mean i have to like Emily Dickinson, i bet if Emily Dickinson was alive today she would look at some of her work and go "what the hell was i thinking here".
In an instant, all of yesterday's goodness faded away, and i think i may have literally shrunk in my seat. During the break i almost debated not going back to class, planning to make up some excuse tomorrow that i was "dwelling in the house of Possibility" and i just got lost, or whatever crap poem it was called that we had to read today. I think it was the first time in a while i have ever felt embarassed, all i needed was some random kid in the hallway to pop his head in the door, point at me and go "HA HA" to put the icing on the cake.
2 comments:
i don't do poetry either. i work very, very hard to get away with not studying it whenever possible.
that said, may I direct you to TS Eliot's "Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock"? (bartleby.com has full text).
print it. read it out loud. read it more than once. if you're confused, i'll give you a synopsis that the Hockey Poet gave me, which TOTALLY CHANGED MY LIFE, or at least my life that thinks about poetry.
I like your whatsitcalled, the Kryptonite:Superman :: poetry:me.
very mathematical, and totally how i feel about poetry myself.
emily dickinson is HARD, incidentally. she was a bit nuts.
I like a little bit of poetry, but mostly it's the kind I write myself. That sounded egotystical didn't it? (Yes, I know that's probably spelled wrong, but too lazy to look it up). I hate some of the famous "poets", like E.D. I, too, just don't GET it.
As far as the other thing you said, I think you've pretty well proven that you are a WRITER honey... and that's what you do best. That's when you express yourself the best and when you are most comfortable. Obviously the teacher was impressed, too. She needs to encourage your strengths, not put you down for your weaknesses. Don't let her get ya down.
Btw- maybe you should try writing a bit of poetry yourself? You know, it isn't like it has to rhyme or anything... :)
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