This homesickness is killing me.
It isn't even like i miss the location of my home but the actual house itself. The town i lived in sucked, along with the hot humid weather. And i had absolutely nothing to do there every day of every week. I just miss my actual home. Like my house, my mom, and my cats.
When you move in with someone else, you realize how differently their household is from yours (or at least the household you wish to build for yourself). My aunt lives in a chaotic mess of 3 year old toys and clothes she will never wear. Though she is a fabulous person and Michelle is fun to be around (when she isn't crying or screaming) her apartment isn't really home sweet home.
You know when you have the cool Uncle or Aunt who you think is so much better than your mom and dad because they let you eat snacks all the time and watch as much tv as you want. Then when you come home you can't help but feel like your house is so lame in comparison. You have to eat your vegetables at your house, tv time is limited, and there isn't a candy bar in sight. Of course if you lived with said Aunt and Uncle for longer than a week you'd realize all those luxuries become tiresome, and the excesses of candy, tv, and "fun" isn't what it is all cracked up to be.
That's exactly how i feel at this moment. There is absolutely no structure here. We eat out everyday ( i grab a salad), we watch TV (all day) and then when we aren't doing that we are walking around trying not to spend money we don't have (this is more her than me).
The food thing is killing me the most. I did not know i was such a proponent of healthy meals until i scarfed down my fourth pizza last week. At some point my mom called and asked me if i was eating healthy. I thought this was a weird question, because she knows that i don't over or under indulge my food, i eat when i'm hungry, i don't eat when i'm not.
Of course, my mom is more aware of my aunt's lack of cooking than i was. Which i am learning about the hard way. Yesterday my aunt said we were going to have steak, with rice and vegetables. I almost cried with happiness because i have been eating sandwiches all week. Of course by steak, rice and vegetables she meant lightly seasoned steak (salt and pepper) with rice and vegetables you can steam in the microwave. It's the closest thing i will get to a home cooked meal here unless i get in the kitchen myself.
Today is Sunday, and my mom and I usually make a huge brunch, enough for a firehouse full of men. I am usually in charge of making the pancakes or french toast, while my mom makes the eggs, bacon, sausage, and cuts up the strawberry for the fruit product. With a glass of orange juice and a side of coffee the huge breakfast lasts us through the day. This is my first Sunday without it, and my stomach is growling for "real" food, and hugs.
I wouldn't feel so shittastic about the job hunting situation if I had the luxury of home to soothe me. If only i could transport my home, my mom, and my cats to this location i would feel a little better about the future. But as i ate my season-less steak, hard rice and dry vegetables, the truth made my stomach ache.
I've been babysitting my aunt's kid the whole weekend, and when i am not on the edge of crying for my own mom, we are having an okay time. Of course this whole babysitting thing is preventing me from heading out of the house (or even writing a story or two for comfort) . By the time my aunt comes home from work, it is too dark to walk anywhere without a bodyguard. Tomorrow Michelle is headed to the babysitter (thank god) and i am job hunting again. Hopefully, as September gets closer and closer and jobs open up, i will have better news to write. Like "I got a job!!!!". Until there "hanging in their" is the caption of the week.
On Wednesday i am headed to Soho for a luncheon with an editor lady Frogboots knows. Thank God because I am trapped in the world of a toddler and will be happy to talk with someone who can count past 20. It's just an informational meeting, but i know she can give me some pointers on how to break into publishing, so i don't end up working at subway when I'm 40. Until then, the search continues tomorrow. I applied to Barnes & Noble on Friday and there are a few more stores that i have to apply to. I just need something while i continue to apply to editorial assistant positions.
Fingers crossed.
1 comment:
oh, YAY! I want details of the lunch. and to us out here in the provinces, "lunch in Soho with an editor" sounds like the height of urban sophistication. i mean, read that sentence out loud to yourself, and see if it doesn't sound freaking amazing.
why NOT do some cooking? or will it make you feel too much like Cinderella? (pre-glass-slipper Cinderella, that is). you'd at least have the good food you're craving, and it might make you feel more like you're at home - a sort of nesting activity, cooking. what about making a big breakfast-for-dinner for everyone? pancakes or waffles, some eggs, bacon or ham or sausage, grits if you eat them, whatever? we have breakfast for dinner in my parents' house often, and it's wonderfully homey.
should i get you one of those posters of a slightly strange-looking kitten hanging from a screen, saying HANG IN THERE!??
this is probably one of the toughest transitions of your life (at least, moving from college to The World was for me). no one prepares you for this, in college, or anywhere else. that finding a job is hard and sucky. that living in limbo is uncomfortable and sad. that the combination of the two makes you just want your mommy, and maybe a cat or two.
seriously: hang in there. you will NOT be working at subway until you're 40 (though they do have excellent oatmeal raisin cookies). you won't even be working at a bookstore until you're 40. have you seen Pulp Fiction? there's a moment in the final scene, when Samuel L Jackson is turning the tables on the robbery, and he says "I'm in a transitional period."
it makes a nice little mantra, especially if you say it in your best Samuel L Jackson voice. "I'im in a transitional period here"
does that even make sense? i haven't been getting enough sleep....
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