It was freezing cold today and I had to make my way to work at 8 in the morning just to arrive there by nine. By the time I woke up there was already snow on the ground. I like snow, except the whole traveling in the snow, icy roads, and the cold wind that smacks you in the face as if you owe it money. But the actual snow is pretty cool.
Anytime I see myself on the schedule from 9-5 I cringe because I know what that means. For the whole day I will be trapped in the kids department because secretly the managers are hoping that i will like it enough to be placed there permanently should the people in that department call out sick or have a day off.
With my old guy leaving ( i could cry) that leaves only two people trained to work in the kids department. Trust me there is no science working in kids, the layout is almost the same...it's dealing with parents that's a pain in the ass. I have this theory that as soon as you have kids the stuff that didn't concern you before means the world to you now. Sometimes all you hear in the children's section are parents talking about issues they know nothing about but feel should be important to them for the sake of their children. "How can I raise Timmy in a world where sharks are being killed for there fins", "There is too much sex on TV did you see [insert any show] lately", yadda yadda bull crap. Even if these concerns are legit there is certain level of superiority with these parents that is suffocating.
Needless to say I hate working in the kids department. The department itself is located a few aisles away in a desolate corner decorated like a fairy tale land. It's pretty, but it so far removed from everything else in the store that you can't help but get a little lonely in there. When I am in there I ask some of my co-workers to visit or, to the frustration of one manager, i deliberately leave kids to do other things. She, the manager in question, usually escorts me back into the department with a "now you know you have to stay in here" speech. Whatever.
It's mind numbing in there, and of course there was nothing to do. When I wasn't straightening books that weren't crocked, I was trying to look busy. This included cutting pieces of paper, twirling my pen, and playing with the toy trucks someone stashed in the drawer. Sometimes I can get away with reading a book in there but that all depends on who the manager on duty is that day. For the most part a 9-5 in kids consist of me figuring out what to do for 8 hours.
Towards the end of my shift "Porter" made an appearance. I go back and forth between confronting him ( "so how's your dead girlfriend?") and hiding from him. It doesn't make it any easier that his friends (some of my co-workers) haven't utter a word to me since the incident. It is like we talk about each other to other people but when we encounter each other we don't know what to say...so we pretend to be cordial. He wants to say something to me, I know it and there is a part of me that is afraid of what he wants to tell me. Today he kept coming in to the kids (while I was pretending to work) for stupid reasons.
It was evident that he was coming in there for reasons other than "do you need me to take something back to customer service" or "have you seen [insert employees name who i haven't seen all day because I am trapped in kids!]". I can't even look at him anymore without seeing all his expectations about me fade away. I told Angie that among the things I don't like about him, it really irked me when he gave me that amethyst. Though it was a nice gift and sort of my birthstone (though i prefer aquamarine), I'm not really into rocks. Something he would have known if he paid attention to anything outside of his own wants. I talk about writing all the time, and if you have a crush on me and want to make an impression giving me a pen or even a notepad will impress me more. Because a real crush would know how quickly I go through both of those items.
He makes me nervous only because now he is trying to figure me out. I spent the rest of the day tip toeing around hoping to fade in the background. Apart of me doesn't understand what he sees in me and apart of me doesn't care to know. But in a non threatening way I feel hunted by him and I want to put a halt to his pursuits before I have to pull out the "bitch card". But in all honesty I don't even know how to use that card because I have been apart of the passive aggressive club for a while.
Things will die down I am sure. He will get tired of me ignoring him and move on to someone else. In the meantime I will just have to get use to sneaking around the store and hiding behind displays.
I might find out my internship tomorrow. I have been nervous about the whole thing since Tuesday. Of course the moment my interview 'high' lessened I began to second guess the whole thing. Maybe I shouldn't have talked about my love of story telling so much, maybe I shouldn't have been so honest about my inexperience, maybe i shouldn't have been thinking "i want to touch your hair" while he was talking. Did I sound to eager, did I sound to bored. I shouldn't have smiled so much maybe he thinks I 'm a big flirt, maybe he thinks I want to work for them because I have a script I want to propose.
I want this internship more than the others because I have an invested interest in this one and i know if I don't get it I will be crushed. There is no doubt about it. I will just be crushed.
I don't want to think about that stuff. Not tonight anyway. I have a movie to watch, a book to read, and a new sims expansion pack to play (apartment life!). Oh the life of simulated game where everything is easy and nice and I get to live next to Sufjan Stevens.
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