I'm Just Not That Into You

Drinking is not fun kids. Seriously.



I planned on having a productive Sunday. It was one of my only 2 days off this week, and besides doing some laundry (which I find relaxing), I planned on filling out my financial aid form, providing more character descriptions for my loneliness story, and getting in some sleep. A lot of sleep.



But after seeing He's Just Not That Into You (Justin Long is adorable), my first real adult drink took me out of commission all day Sunday. I now have a sense of what a hangover feels like and I'm Just Not That Into It.

My head hurt the whole day. The whole "having a Sunday to myself" came crashing down because my aunt's 'baby daddy" (who was suppose to take Michelle for the whole day) bailed out at the last moment. This meant that bright lights weren't the only thing causing my head to pound. Michelle learned the "Potty song" at school and spent a lot of her time singing it at the top of her lungs. I had an aneurysm because of this.



I got through it though. Michelle usually plays in the living room, and the room i am staying in has a perfect view of all her activities. So for most of the day I lay in bed, resting by the door just in case she decided to grab a pair of scissors of something. When my aunt came home I figured this would give me ample time to rest my throbbing head but she wanted to go over design ideas for the new place (though lack of funds prevent any of this). So I went over what we should do for wall colors and slip covers though I ached to much to really give a damn.



By the time that ended my mom called and we watched the Pre-Grammy show and talked about everyone. I think I got to bed around midnight but my head doesn't hurt like hell this morning. Thank God.



Last week was insane. I worked six days straight. From my four day schedule at the bookstore to my 2 day schedule at the internship I am pushing the limits of exhaustion. My internship is going ...OK. I know, 'OK' is such a blah word to describe an internship of a movie nerds dream. But, I am the only girl sort of working in that company (besides another girl named Stephanie but she is pretty much a dude with long hair). Though I like hanging around guys they are tight nit group to join. You have to break in before you are welcomed with opened arms, but the breaking in part is tricky. I obviously don't have a penis, which automatically makes boys nervous and cautious.



Besides the not having a penis thing, I am not as computer savvy as I thought. Unless you count expertise with Microsoft Word and surfing the Internet I don't know anything about computers. Or more importantly I don't know anything about Mac computers or any of the related software. I did not sugar coat my inexperience during the interview. I was open with him about my lack of skills but told him that I was a quick learner (which I have proven to be in the last few weeks). But my inexperience means that i doing more administrative stuff then movie making stuff. I am updating contact information, looking for potential people to interview via the Internet and hanging out by myself all day.



I have my own computer out in the lobby, and sometimes my only interaction are with the delivery people. The loft is huge, and there are several different companies located on our floor. Even with all the people, everyone stays to themselves. They only come out for coffee or lunch. And unless you already have a familiarity with these people you are pretty much by yourself ALL DAY. I did learn two new programs though: After Effects and Mac Grab. I am glad that i will be learning more stuff to fill out my resume but I feel like if i had one (just one) office friend it would make traveling all the way to the city a lot more fun.



Who knows. They haven't canned me yet. It is something I fear every day.



The bookstore job is still going well. I feel like an actress there. It took me a while to break into that group too, but now that I have, it has made work a lot more fun these last 2 months. The whole 'Porter' thing has gotten out of hand. He still talks about me to other people, more importantly to my friend Angie, as if we had something and it just didn't work out. When we went out to eat on Saturday (before the movie) she told me that 'Porter' came up to her at work again and began the conversation with 'so you know the whole Beckett and me thing didn't work out'. There was never a thing to be worked out. I brought a friend on our 'date', I have been ignoring him for the last 3 weeks. What 'thing' is he talking about?



Angie, annoyed with his desperation, pretty much told him that "trying to date someone who you never really got to know is sort of creepy". She went on to say that maybe if he got to know me outside of superficial conversations he would have had some chance. But he never took the time to know about my writing aspirations, or that i hate seafood, or that I don't like movies based on comics i've never read. She told him all of this and said that his problem was he doesn't ask girls questions, it's always about him.



She is seriously like my best friend here. Of course after she went off on him, i ran into him in the break room. As I was leaving he said "so how's that story going?". I laughed, I didn't mean too but I couldn't help myself because I had just learned of the conversation Angie had with him. I said it was "going' and then I let the door close behind me. I'm Just Not That Into You.

The movie seriously had me thinking about relationships. I am 22 and have never had a boyfriend. I have never even seriously pursued one. I am so distant and nervous that I am completely shutting myself off from the opposite sex. But the other day at work I met this guy who changed my whole approach. I want to go into my encounter with him more in another post, because it was seriously intense. As we were talking I thought 'hey this guy likes me and I like him and what's wrong with wanting to be wanted'. What's wrong with wanting to have a dating life, and casually hanging out with guys that I have an interest in. The Key Word being: Interested In.

When this whole 'Porter' thing started to unfold I felt sort of like a snob. There are things that have less importance in a relationship, or at least that's what you tell yourself when you start dating. Though I gravitate to boys with dark hair and striking eyes, personality/ambition/humor and all that jazz can attract me to any guy, as long as he has good intentions and a good heart. I am not physically attracted to 'Porter' in any way, but more importantly I wasn't mentally either.

He's a janitor and not only does he cleans the toilet but he has no ambition to do anything else. When this thought first popped in my mind I was like "shit, i am an academic snob". But that is not the case, I just like someone who has a plan. Who thinks past what they will do today. If that makes me a little snobbish, then I'll take it. It's better than dating someone who I'd have to support in every venture.

So when 'said' guy came into work and started chatting with me about his job as a chef (at a French restaurant) I felt like Liz Lemon from '30 Rock": I wanted to 'go to there', and be with a guy who has ambition. Lots of ambition. I need someone who I can believe in. Who has a dream and who I can possibly help achieve that dream. I wanted to 'go to there with' him, I wanted to learn more about him, but I was pulled away by a customer before I could tell my name or ask him what restaurant he worked at.

The point is I think I want an active dating life. I want to start meeting interesting guys. Guys that I can potentially (and realistically) have a relationship with. I don't want to keep myself at bay and unavailable because..I've been at bay and unavailable for my whole life. And what's wrong with wanting to be wanted?

Anyway, more on that later. I have to work today. Blerg. Tomorrow I have a day off which is much needed. I may actually get something done one of these days.