On Not Being A Good Friend.

I've decided to compromise. I am going to email Lenny and ask him if I can just intern once a week until I get all my grad school stuff in. Wednesdays are dreadful at my internship. I literally don't do anything and now with the new secretary (who is eye candy for all the men on the floor), I can't even sort the mail anymore.

I would rather just quit the whole thing but I hate bailing last minute. If i could intern on Friday (when I am used most) then I would say money and not feel like balling my eyes out every Wednesday because I am bored to death.

That sounds fair enough. Right?

In other news Angie's boyfriend is in town. He is about 5'1 and is giving everyone the creeps at work. He walks her to work, and then lingers around the store for awhile. During this lingering time we all get to critique and discuss him. My co-worker Josh came up to me yesterday and told me that he was afraid of her boyfriend. " he's just a little creepy". Though I have not been a good friend to her lately I refused to agree or disagree with him. He said he saw them making out in the aisle and because of the significant height difference he stares at her boobs more then her eyes. For Josh to say he is a freak is almost guarantees it.

I talked to her boyfriend briefly the other day and other than the lack of eye contact he makes he seems like an okay guy. This grad school stuff and horrible haircut followed by my lack of money and homesickness has put me in a mood though. I don't feel like doing much of anything and I would rather spend time by myself for a while. I don't really know how to explain this to her, so I keep making excuses as to why I can't hang out with her and her boyfriend.

For someone who hates bailing, I have certainly been doing a lot of it lately. I bailed this Monday on the whole MoMa thing and then I bailed today on the whole dinner thing. I said I would go to dinner with the both of them, but I seriously don't have the money to do anything besides dream of being able to afford dinner. So i made up some lame excuse about getting stuck in Brooklyn and that I wouldn't be able to make it on time. I think she is beginning to catch on, she called endlessly while I was on the train and I eventually had to turn off my phone.

I am beginning to think I am a horrible friend. I have a tendency of going AWOL when it isn't necessary.

I know. This makes me a horrible person but sometimes I hate pretending like the whole smells like roses. No matter how optimistic I am, I am wearing myself out and I wonder how long I can hang on. I am thinking of heading home for a week. I'd have to figure out which week and which mode of transportation I can afford to get there but...I just need to get away from this place. My mom put a dresser in my room, a white dresser that she says I can sand and repaint. She is luring me back big time and sometimes I am tempted to take her up on the offer.