So I sent my computer home yesterday. My heart breaks in agony. Okay it's wasn't that dramatic but there is something about being without a computer that is very unnerving. I asked my mom yesterday what people use to do before the whole Internet thing. There was a moment of silence, followed by a laugh: We went outside.
Makes sense to me.
Hopefully it will be fixed before I get home. The last day has been hard enough and I couldn't imagine a whole summer sans computer. I would actually have to find ways to entertain myself without youtube. It doesn't seem right.
I bought my ticket yesterday. So in two weeks I will be home, in my bed, planning my way back here. I can't mention it enough that I do not like Small Town USA. I mean sometimes I get that weird yearning for the peace of quiet there, but soon after I am instantly smacked back into reality and my memories of small town living remind me that I never want to live there again. Seriously.
Marie still lives in the region of our adolescent days and she is miserable there. When we talk it's constantly about the mentality of people and how she feels trap there. Trapped only because she could never do what I'm doing. She has said this to me. She could never just wander around and try to figure out what she wants to do with her life. She could never just get a bookstore job and bum at her relatives until something good comes her way. And because of this she remains at her crappy 'real person' job that she hates because taking a risk on your life is too scary.
The other day she was telling me about a new intern she has. She sent me a text message first. It was a quick 'hot new intern. call you later' message. When she did call me she quickly said that hot new intern has been demoted from hotness because she heard him making some off colored remarks about women and minorities. We now dub him the Nazi, and by her description we are talking serious supporter of the Nazi party.
This was sort of aggravating because I continue to believe that Marie is one of the smartest person I know and yet she continues to be miserable with her life because she is too afraid to change her situation. Yes the economy is bad. Yes getting a job sucks. But she has been in that town for a year, and has yet to make any friends and has yet to be comfortable in the life she has there. And if it were me, I would get the f*ck out of there, build a life for myself somewhere else before she really gets trapped there.
I asked her some questions about the Nazi: what she plans to do with him, has she reminded him that he is only an intern and that sort of discussion will not be tolerated in the work place. She didn't really say anything. She said that she brought it up to him and said that in the future she would write him up but that was it. She then wanted to talk about how she can make his life a living hell while he interns there. I sort of didn't want to talk about that because this has not been the first (nor will it be the last time) time she has brought up her dislike for Small Town USA. That she meets guys and girls like the intern on a daily basis.
I wanted to talk instead about her seriously looking for a job out west (where she has talked about living), about getting a job that she likes that can also pay the bills (she's a pig farmer or something like that) but the more and more I kept bringing this up to her the more she kept changing the subject.
At one point her only friend (Jake) called while we were talking and she said she would call me back. She wanted to discuss the intern with him because Jake and her use to work together before he got promoted. I was purchasing my tickets at the time so I said it was cool if she called me back. She must have had a crappy conversation with him because when she did call me again she was pissed that I wanted to take the train home (planes freak me out).
Yes. Pissed. Because I told her that I finally purchased my train tickets. Bitch went crazy after this. Why are you taking the train? Trains are stupid? You're stupid for wanting to sit on a train for god knows how many hours just because you have an irrational fear of planes (not all planes just the small ones I am always riding on!)? I can't believe you man, that's just ridiculous. How are you ever going to visit all those countries you talk about if you don't want to take a plane? I guess we are never going anywhere any way.
Dude. WTF? At first I didn't really understand what the hell she was talking about. I mean I am the one paying for the ticket. And I am in no rush to get home. So after her tirade I made some excuse so I could get off the phone with her. What a crazy bitch. But then I realized the train/plane thing wasn't the real issue.
Marie and I have always had this weird friendship. In college she rarely called me. I mean when I say I was a loner in college this doesn't exclude Marie. It's not that she ditched me, it's just that she had other friends and I was just the go too. Our friendship is competitive. If we are both having horrible/miserable lives, then we talk. But when ones life is not as miserable, then we want to chastise or find fault in it. I mean I was jealous when she got a boyfriend, and now she continues to criticize my life as some Reality Bites movie. That this is not the way a 23 year old should be living.
And I realized the moment I return to Small Town USA, is the moment we are back on that same playing ground. Where we are both slightly miserable together. And I think she takes great offense when I talk about not wanting to come home because that place and our friendship is different. Not in a bad way but just in a "believe it or not we aren't Middle School anymore" way. Yeah my life is far from perfect, but I like whatever I am building here. It's the reason why come August 1st I have to find my way back. Despite Marie and even my moms desire to have me home.
So, we haven't talked in a few days, which I think is weird because this means that she is mad at me because her life sucks. Who knows. I can't explain it. But I sort of worry about her. I worry that she thinks I am coming back to make things better, which I am not.
Anyway
I am reading some Michael Chabon (hence the post title). He sort of reminds me of every teacher I've ever had a crush on up until college. I don't hate the book, the writing is good but I keep searching for a plot. His description of Pittsburgh is funny and sad. I am hoping that it will grab me at some point. I won't abandon ship until I am completely submerged in crap.
Time for work.
Becks
P.S Oh yeah. I am using my aunts computer. Which means I have to wait until everyone leaves and jump on this thing when I have the chance. I miss my computer so much.
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