All in A Nights Work..

Today I went to work dressed as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I was quite a sight. Not a bad sight either.

There was some charity-isque event going on in the store which was why we all got to wear our costumes. I spent most of the Friday asking everyone if they were dressing up, because I sure as hell didn't want to be the only fool doing it. But most of the guys my age were dressing up, and one of the managers. I didn't see why I shouldn't join in to. I spent all last week getting the items for this costume. My real cheerleader skirt came just in time, and all I needed to buy were tights and a wig (because cheerleaders have hair longer than mine).

There must be something about having long fake hair (thank you party city) a short cheer leading skirt (a shout out to that cheer leading site I ordered it from) and a v-neck sweater (forever 21) which turns you from being just a girl who reads Truman Capote during her breaks to a girl with purpose. I'm just saying. I knew that dressing up as Buffy the vampire slayer, circa the 3rd episode when she tries out for the cheer leading squad, would get interesting reactions but I didn't expect the general shock at my appearance!

I saw myself in the mirror yesterday, something I have not done in a long time and I didn't recognize who I was. I mean if I would have looked like that in high school I may have had a better time. I felt all feminine and then kick ass because of my converse shoes. I love Halloween.

I did however refuse to done a blond wig (for several reasons) a couple of weeks back! Me and Marie got in a huge argument about this because Buffy is a blond, I am not. I did not feel it would violate the costume if I wore a long wig my own hair color. Marie said that I shouldn't wear a wig at all if it wasn't going to be a blond one. Buffy was blond, wearing a long black wig would just be nonsense. The conversation got very heated and I eventually hung up on her.

When I was a kid Buffy was my hero. I mean I remember watching the first episode so clearly because this was when I had a TV/VCR and I stole my brothers blank tape to record the episode. I grew up wanting to be Buffy, of wanting to be an ordinary girl with this extraordinary destiny mapped out for her. But in my visions, I was always my version of the blond prototype. So maybe donning a long black wig (because my hair is not long enough for the full cheerleader hair; pigtails or ponytails) didn't fully follow the character but dammit all to hell I was Buffy the Vampire Slayer today. I don't care who knew it or not.

The costume was a success. So I may have gotten a lot more stares than I am comfortable with (and I think the Janitor said I filled out the outfit 'nicely"), but it was fun. To be honest being someone else for a while was what I needed. This week has been long and hard, like the fake stake a co-worker made for me out of cardboard box.

I am not terribly upset about the room, even though it was gorgeous, but more at the fact that the list of things I need to do in the next couple of months is stressing me out. I need a job, not because the bookstore is a bottomless pit of stupid questions and stupider customers, but because I can't afford to stay here without making the money to do so. And, because I am bright and smart. Right? Now, along with my never-ending job search, I have to find a place to live. It just seems all to much, I'd rather curl into a ball in a corner somewhere. A warm corner, but a corner nonetheless.

Yes, I am a person who rushes things. Yes, I expected my life to start the moment I walked across the stage with my diploma, but what my life is asking from me right now is a plan. And in all honesty I don't have one. I could apply to grad school again, and take the admissions process seriously this time. I could plunge into this job search thing hardcore (not that I haven't been doing that but..), I could run away to Maine or Spain or Costa Rica, which according to AOL.com I can fly to for $399. At this point I am not even wanting for my 'real life' to begin, I am not wanting everything to fall into place right now, I just want to feel like I am moving towards something, and that this wont suck forever. I don't even have faith in that.

But no more of that. My legs itch, my hair itches, and Cops is on. There is something about watching Cops that makes me feel a little better about my life. So yeah, I'm working minimum wage but I didn't just sell crack to an undercover cop. A lot of people featured on Cops can't say that now can they.