Calling out Sick

Yeah...that's what I did today. Am I sick, not really. Am I really exhausted, yes. Do I deserve one day off, out of the zero I have had in the last 6 weeks. Yes, yes sir I do.

My day off was nice. I forgot how it was not having to wake up early to be somewhere. I am not lying when I say that I work seven days a week. Five days I am at the bookstore, and the other two days I am in Connecticut trying not to gauge my eyes out with random office supplies including but not limited to: staples, paper clips, and pens, we have a lot of pens in the office.

I am not running on empty, but I am wearing myself thin. My patience, something I value greatly, has been very short these days and I am not displaying the best customer service at work. On Tuesday, it rained something awful. I mean your cliche 'cats and dog" down pour. Usually I love the rain. I believe firmly that nature heals, and there is something about the rain that reminds me of restoration. When it rains I can usually be found in bed, reading a book and listening to the radio on Itunes.

But instead I was awake at some ungodly hour (okay so it was 6:00 but still ungodly by 23 year old standards), ready to embark on a 2 hour trip to lull around at my internship for 8 hours, to only then embark on my two hour trip back to New York. All through the rain. I have to take a bus, a train, another bus, and then walk a block to get to this internship. And doing it two days out of a week is a pain in the ass most days. On Tuesday it was grueling. My shoes were wet, my socks were wet, I was cold and hungry and by the time I got there I was completely drenched.

Now, everyone is suppose to be there around 9:30 so I can be let into the office. I wasn't waiting outside or anything but I have to sit in the lobby until someone opens the door. I got there at 9:25 and spent the next 45 minutes wondering why i was the only one there and what the hell happened to everyone else. The big boss wasn't there, the second big boss wasn't there either and Bethany was a no show. In school this would be called "the 15 minutes rule". If a professor doesn't show up within 15 minutes after the start of class, you book it. You don't wait around, everyone leaves, and sometimes someone will write a note detailing why the professor (if he or she does show up)entered an empty room. I do not know if this works in the real world (probably not) but as I was sitting there, contemplating my life as a permanent intern, the countdown began. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, and as I started packing my things I heard all three of them walking upstairs laughing around the 40 minute line.

Something happened to each of them that morning which made them late, and after 2nd Big Boss unlocked the door all I got was a "sorry bout that" from Bethany in a tone that was less than apologetic. Fucking eh. The rest of the whole morning (and day for that matter of fact) I was pissed, because in my mind I live 2 hours away, I don't have a car, I have to walk a huge portion of my trip and yet...I was on time. I was not only on time, but I was early and I don't even get paid to be there. Tuesday was not my most productive day, they didn't show up on time so I wasn't fully present for them. Get your own paper out of the printer!

I am a little over this internship, both because in a few weeks I will have officially completed my three months and because I have no desire to be a part of that industry. Where I love literature and writing, I despise editing and the checks and balance process. Okay I don't hate the last process, it's actually very productive but a little redundant and sometimes I feel like I have been working on the same material forever. But it is not where my heart is, and so I hate the feeling that I am putting in a 100% into...nothing.

There attitude of Tuesday along with my own annoyance about the whole situation (compounded with my lack of sleep the night before) gave me all the incentive I needed to call in sick. Or better yet, email the editor and tell her that i would be unable to come in on Thursday because of an "appointment" that could not be rescheduled. Oh yeah!

My Off Day went by a lot faster than I hoped for. I woke up sort of late, watched some daytime TV, headed to the library again (second time this week) and made spaghetti and meatballs. Oh, the life. As of late I am obsessed with Margaret Atwood (Canadian, Feminist, Explorer of Human Complexity) and I stocked up on some of her books to read today, including one called Margaret Atwood's Fairy-Tale Sexual Politics by Sharon Rose Wilson. The shit is trippy. I have a thing for fairy tales and ways that they are re imagined in art and literature. I read a bunch of her today, and she makes me think about my own writing and stories....pretty good Margaret Atwod, preh-tay preh-tay good.

My "sick day" was good. Not at all productive (can we say 2 hour nap in the middle of the day) but good. I need these days for myself. I miss them, I miss the time to myself where I can catch up with the person who seems to be spiraling a million miles ahead of myself. Or something like that.

I just spent 400 dollars to go home for a week. No lie. I am escaping for a little bit, just to South Carolina where the weather is hot and my bed is big. It's for Thanksgiving of course, but I am hoping that the Carolina slowness will restore me or at least that my mom will feed me something awesome while I am there. Um, I can smell the Turkey now.