Do You Wanna Come With Me?

I'm beginning to feel that ever present lump in my throat. The lump urging me to do something more with my life: travel, love, learn, explore...adventure!

I had a brilliant day yesterday. Seeing dinosaurs was awesome and relaxing, a lot more relaxing than one would think standing in front of a Tyrannosaurus. The truth is, I needed a break from my normal routine. I almost didn't go yesterday. I woke up and tried to talk myself out of it. But before I could go back to sleep and wake up at some awful hour (noon some days) I remembered that I never have days to myself. When I'm not worrying about loans, and the endless job search I am at work or worse napping the day away.

I just needed a day where I didn't have to think of anything except dinosaurs and hominids named Lucy. I needed a day to myself where I got to snap pictures and take notes in my notebook. I needed a day where I wasn't myself, where I could step outside of the worries and breathed.

But that was yesterday and of course, today I am back to normal. I woke up, braced myself for job searches and futile naps. I am beyond restless in New York. When I was in the city, I had a sense of freedom. I thought 'hey, this is what I came here for'. But rarely am I able to make my way to the city, even when I want to.

I want to run away from it all, and as a person prone to escapism it's looking like a mighty good plan. But in all honesty I am at a fork. I don't really know what to do with myself or more importantly where to go. I have plans that are definite of course (writing, finding a workshop) but everything else is up in the air. I feel like I have taken some plunge into a very deep whole, but I have not hit the bottom yet. I am floating (perhaps like Alice) wondering where I will end up and how long it will take me to get there.

And this feeling is scary, because I am a very impulsive person or at least I want to be. I vacillate between staying here for a little longer. Doing the job search until I can't come up with new ways to describe my awesomeness. I then think about going back to school. Hell, I don't know how I'd pay for it but I could get the training in production I need while also being able to write. Being in school again would be great outside of taking out more loans and of course paying them back.

And then, a big then, I think about going away for a while. For crossing the pond and exploring some options there. A workshop maybe, a graduate program. Who knows.

Everyone has been telling me to watch Dr. Who for the longest time. I'm not really into sci-fi but I'm all down for watching new thing. In regards to sci-fi though my mind tends to resist aliens, dimensions and dare I say the laws of time and space. But on Saturday a new Dr.Who premiered with, of course, a new doctor. I was worried that because I had not previously seen the ninth or tenth one that I wouldn't understand what the hell was going on.

And for the most part I didn't. The British talk really fast and I'm still a little confused by his mode of transportation (a police booth called a TARDIS) but the moment the eleventh incarnation of the doctor appeared on tv, I was hooked for some odd reason. I mean, this tall gangly British guy lands in some garden only to meet a girl (age 7) who will later become his companion (when she is 21) on his amazing adventures.

The companion thing is what really gets me. It's get lonely out there in space, and the Doctor (because he can) chooses people to be his companion throughout the series. For the most part the 'companions' are women who play humanize the doctor and his adventures. And the story line for this new doctor and his new companion (Amanda pond) was brilliant. It is her garden which he first appears. She is 7 years old when she first meets him and is amazed by the figure who appears out of nowhere, and changes her life.

But he leaves her unexpectedly. For '5 minutes' he promises, only to return 14 years later when she is 21. Time travel and space are tricky. But she has waited for him since she was a little girl, and despite anger towards him for not returning in 5 minutes, his return is her beginning to an a adventure of a lifetime.

And I must admit that part got to me. I was sitting there, glued to the tv until the last 5 minutes of the show, where he finally asks the very adult (well 21) and attractive Amanda Pond to come along with him. On the adventure of a lifetime! And she does, because who wouldn't.

And I can't help but see myself at 24 still waiting for something, some event, some weird looking British guy in a police booth to to change my life. To imitate the beginning of my adventure. And it hasn't happened yet, not even close to happening. And I just want to runaway from this life, and find myself somewhere new.

And I've been watching the BBC all week, and I want to go to the UK so badly. I don't even know what I'd find or do there, but dammit all to hell it would be some adventure wouldn't it. But how do I put thoughts into action. How can I make any of this a reality. Hence the fork, and the random BBC America marathons.

And if ever such a doctor approached me with promises of adventure I would go with him in a heartbeat. I am ready for adventure, I am ready to start my life because I am sick of this waiting. And Matt Smith is a strangely attractive, disturbingly nerdy British guy of my dreams.