I am not feeling it these days.
I have a strange case of lethargy that I cant seem to shake. Maybe because it's finally starting to feel like fall and the change has stilled me. Or maybe it's because I am in a weird place where my mind can't seem to make up its mind about anything. So not thinking is a better option.
Work feels pointless. I am still pulling in full time hours despite my breakdown a few weeks ago where I blatantly complained of working too much. I miss having some sort of a weekend off and have contemplated asking for Sundays off. Permanently. That would mean only four days at the bookstore. 2 days of job hunting, GRE studying and general upkeep days. And 1 day of rest.
But could I survive off of four days a week salary? I do not know.
On top of that employee evaluations are coming up and because the management has so drastically changed from last year my assessment (and raise) will hinge on that of the Evil Manager. This may not be the time to ask for another day off because of stress and general disinterest in being there.
I am also training a bunch of new people while the regular crew settles into the misery that is the bookstore. Pretty Ricky is NOT as stellar as Kat made him out to be. Sure he is funny and nice but that is all. I spent the weekend training him at customer service and outside of a very pretty face he is not that interesting and it pisses me off that she made me girl jealous for no reason.
The customers continue to suck. The managers continue to hang out in their office while we BS our way on the floor. And if I have to have another conversation regarding e-readers I think I may die. Really.
The lethargy has to have something to do with this great change I am waiting for in my life. I can honestly say I have no idea what to do with myself. I graduated with no clue on what I wanted for my life and now I am sitting face to face with the idea I have of myself and my sullen actuality staring back at me. It's frustrating.
I'm frustrated. And I can't move because of it. I am wedged in some unmovable place that I am too tired to shake from at the moment. I do hope this doesn't last long and that I can gain my enthusiasm and momentum again. I need it.
I miss it.
1 comment:
your store sounds like my store. i have just been switched officially to being "seasonal." huzzah.
time off to study for the GRE is a wise investment of time. that test is a bitch and it's essential to any grad school life you want. it's too bad you can't live at home (or can you?) temporarily while you study and apply for grad school, and work part-time.
i feel for you. and i'm here to help if you need me.
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