First Impressions are Everything.

So a couple of weeks ago I thought I had an amazing opportunity to reapply to the company that did not hire me back in August. I don't want to re-live the nightmare that was that interview process but for reminders sake let me sum it up in a few sentences:

During my internship with Lenny I travelled, a lot, to this 'amazing' production sales and rental company in the West Village. In August I saw an ad for an opening in their company with the sales department. I applied that day and received a call on my phone a few days later inviting me in for an interview. However, I personally did not receive said voicemail until a week and a half later, after checking my phone for missed messages. I called the HR Manager immediately to apologize and possibly schedule an interview. But I could not reach this chick for another full week and when I did finally reach her she said had no intention of calling me in for an interview because of my 'lack of professionalism'

Some how I managed to convince her to just let me come in anyway. Mistakes happen but my attempts to reach her in those weeks represented my complete interest in working for their company. She sighed. Scheduled me to come in the next day and you can read how that went down here. Despite everything I did to convince them otherwise, I did not get the job. Instead I got a .40 cent rejection letter wishing me luck.

So when I saw another opening at the company in the same department (just a different and lower paying position), I jumped at the opportunity to apply again. It's been 3 months since the disaster that was my first attempt. I've brushed up on my nerdy technology knowledge since then, and maybe the waters have calmed between me and the HR Manager. Plus, the job I applied to and was invited to interview for was a Sales Administrator gig. I don't even know how i got called in for this due to my lack of qualifications. The recent position I applied to a few weeks ago was for a Sales Assistant, a position I felt more qualified for.

But no.

After 3 weeks of sitting around, reading all my dumb camera related, production news web sites the position is no longer available. I didn't even get an interview for the position I was more qualified for. I cannot help but to take this to heart. I cannot help but feel like the misery that was the first interview has ruined my second chance. And to add insult to injury (a phrase I will be using a lot during this job hunt) they've posted another ad for another sales position just last night.

I grew up watching shows where the nerd protagonist (usually male) is obsessed with the hot popular counterpart (usually female) and spends the next ten seasons (or 90 minutes) pursuing the uninterested object of his/her obsession. I cannpt help but feel like the nerdy protagoinst right about now.

Interestingly enough though,towards the end of the season/series the nerd has pursued said romantic interest for so long that eventually she caves in and realizes her love for him after all this time. Maybe that is why I will forever be a heartbroken optimist. Damn the 90's,

Maybe all of those writers from the 90's read Pamela in college too. Because seriously that book is one fucked up mess of a story and if you haven't read it, you should just because it is absurd but continues to influence thematic arcs today. Sorry I just got a nerd revelation regarding the evolution of the Nerd in popular culture. I geeked out there for a moment and most remember to expand on my obsession with nerd culture.

In Pamela, a young servant girl is pursued by her employer Mr. B to the point of maniac obsession. He follows her around, reads her journal, hides in her closet while she is dressing. Bizarre stuff. At first Pamela is frightened by her employers advances. And she should be because Mr. B scores an 8 on the whack job scale. But towards the end of the first part of the novel Mr. B lessens his aggressive pursuit and suddenly Pamela realizes that she is in love with him. That is willing to give her heart to him. Or maybe she is suffering from the first case of Stockholm syndrome. I don't know.

But then you look at shows (and movies) like the Wonder Years, Family Matters, Saved By the Bell, My So Called Life, Edward Scissorhands, Freaks and Geeks, Pretty in Pink, which all use this same sad but all too true theme: A nerd (outcast;in various forms) pinning for someone he knows he can't have. And the moment he thinks he has lost her/him for good she realizes her love for him/her in return. It's not always the case but I will spend a couple of days working out the kinks of this argument.

What I am trying to say, in regards to this job, is that when I saw the opening last night I became excited and then pissed. My first reaction was "Oh My God, I should apply to this again" followed by "wait a minute...". I don't want to be Steve Urkel. Or Screech. Or Brian Krakow. Or worse Mr. B! Though in this scenario I feel like I am. I don't want to keep pinning for a love interest that keeps turning me down. While I still think this company is providing an amazing service to the production community, obviously I have been deemed 'unfit' to work for them. And I don't know if continuing to show an interst is well...in my best interest.

I mean when do actions go from dedication to desperation. To apply again this early on just reads desperation and I honestly don't know if I can (nor want to) invest any more energy in this company if I never have a chance.

What would Mr. B say? okay never mind what he would say. It would probably include the phrase 'rummage her while she is asleep that'll do the trick'. I do believe he did this in one scene.

Okay, better yet, what would Steve Urkel advise? Would he suggest to keep trying because eventually Laura will realize that despite the years she spent thinking you a nuisance she has grown to love you. That while the more qualified and attractive Stefan fits her more popular wholesome social mold, good old Steve Urkel has more character and heart than any Stefan Urqulle times two.

That in the end, try until you can't try anymore, unti he hurts too much to attempt, because she'll come around. She'll see the potential in you that you see in her. They always do.

I don't know.

I love being the nerd who pines for the way out of my league counterpart (Hello Brain Krakow. Though with all respect Angela was not out of his league). I love being the underdog. I love being the outcast who doesn't ever really belong. But I refuse to appear desperate, even if that is the case. Especially with this company.

I'm a little frustrated today. I feel stuck and without an exit strategy.

Or worse. I feel utterly resigned.