To Be A Bear.

It's really really cold outside.



I had to go to the Post Office today to pick up a box to ship some presents home and I almost ran back inside once I realized how cold it was outside. 19 degrees was our high today. 19. I didn't even know temperature like that existed. The Post Office isn't even that far from my house but the chill here is enough to make me want to stay inside all day curled underneath piles of blankets and pillows.



I have seriously considered going into hibernation more times than usual this year. The thought of staying inside a warm enclosed space until the sun comes back out would be delightful. I already hoard food. The shelf below my mini fridge is awesome. Cereal, saltine crackers, cookies, soup, and boxes of hot chocolate. I have my computer, music, plenty of books from my trip to The Strand and netflix so i wouldn't have to worry about lack of entertainment. And I'm a bit of a loner anyway so limited contact by phone and emails will make up for the lack of interaction with people.



This is something to consider. I wonder if I'd get paid time off for this?



I am a huge fan of winter. Don't get me wrong. I have never gotten seasonal depression. I excel in cold weather and I find snow to be beautiful. I feel an attachment towards the snow like no one else. I am not even jaded yet with having to travel in it.



A couple of days ago we got our first real snow storm and I reacted like any other 24 year old. I tilted my head on the walk home and tried to catch snowflakes on my tongue. I then made a heart shaped snow trail in someones yard.



Do you know when I was a baby I almost died. One night I got a fever so bad that I went into some weird shock while in my moms arms. My mom freaked the fuck out naturally when she saw that I was having difficulties breathing and running a dangerously high fever. It was also the night of the first real snow storm in New York(or at least that is what my very dramatic storytelling mom says)



For reasons she cannot explain, she carried my very on the 'verge of death' self outside, into the freezing cold where the snow had accumulated a few inches. She dropped to her knees and with me in her arms and pressed me into the snow. She says it was the first thing that came to her mind while waiting for the ambulance to come. That I just needed to be in and of the snow to lower my fever. To shock my senses.



And you know what? Within seconds lifeless me stirred awake. I cried in her arms while she cried against my head. I still went to the hospital and was given antibiotics for what I believe was my first real encounter with Scarlet Fever. But that story remains a winter tale for the ages in my family. And why I believe the snow and I are intertwined for life.

See. The cold and I are wicked good friends.



But that doesn't mean I am still not over December 2010. I would still like to hibernate for a while. Squirrels do it. And so do Bears. Bears! How i would like to curl into a very tight ball and remain there for the duration of December. I'll come up for air, food and entertainment when necessary. I promise.


This month has just taken a huge toll on me. I have a weird case of homesickness combined with a restlessness that keeps me up at night. I didn't get to bed until 3am the other morning (where I watched a marathon of a show called 1 Girl, 5 Gays on Logo. It was actually pretty hilarious). I'm apprehensive about sleep. Because that means waking up. And waking up means worrying about the things that keep me up at night.

I am so ready for 2011. The new year cannot come fast enough. This holiday season is dragging by and I am all kinds of over it. On the list of things I'll ask for this Christmas, a break is one of them. A break from my routine, a break from the worries of money, rent, job, boys and life. A small hibernating break for a few months; just until I am better equipped at dealing with everything.