Grilled Cheese

The weekend has come to a close and I think I am reclaiming my mojo. Thank God.

As usual Le Sad Store was a hectic mess the last two days. While no one called out due to hangovers, customers still busied themselves with hanging out in the store and trashing the place.

The bookstore is a weird place. Every so often some asshole of a customer makes a remark like 'I'm so sad that bookstore are closing' while paying for...a book. I usually have one response to this 'yeah, i guess. your total is going to be_____'. I refuse to engage with some people. I know it's rude but I've gotten trapped in some truly dull conversations because I was being polite.

The truth is there is a culture to 'bookstores'. While book sales are decreasing, the amount of people who just like 'hanging out' in bookstores is...constant. Bookstores are designed to feel homey and inviting; with couches and tables and a cafe where you can grab something to eat and spend all day wandering about. And while some bookstore chains are shuting down, i think we have a while before bookstore becomes things of the past.

While profits are a big deal to corporate folks they are completely ignoring the huge fact that most people just like hanging out around books and magazines. And this is why we get repeat customers. Or as we call them regulars.

If they are not there every day they are every other day. I know for a fact that I despise the 'regulars' the most. Some are there as soon as we open and do not leave until we close. Most are such frequent 'hang-outers' that they feel apart of the general staff.

I've had a few try to engage me in conversations about the store. As if at the end of the night they too are stuck cleaning up. And others tell stupid jokes like 'you guys sure do work here a lot, they must have cots in the back for you'. Excuse me, I'm here a lot? This is coming from the guy who comes in early just so he can put his belonging on the treasured couch in cafe. Yeah.

I only bring this up because the other day on of them addressed me by my first name, as if we had known each other for years. I hate when people who don't know me call my name.

Sometimes you help a person and the will stare at your name tag just to say "thanks ____". But I am really weird about my name. Everyone ends up giving me some sort of nickname anyone that I only prefer my friends and family to use it. I just don't think customers need to be on a first name basis with me. Unless they are or look Sufjan Stevens.

So when I was walking down the aisle and heard my name being called by a person whose voice I was not familiar with I didn't turn around. Seriously. But the person kept getting closer and the sound of my name got louder and when I turned around some guy that I helped ONCE, over the phone, was inches from my face.

Because he now had my attention he went on and on about some question that he knew I could answer. I smiled, nodded my head, looked at my imaginary clock and then said 'yeah, that sounds awesome guy whose name i don't know'. I did mumble the last part because I knew he wouldn't hear me, which he didn't. He then smiled, thanked me for my help and walked away

I'm officially changing my name at the store. Maybe I'll be a Lynn or Alice. Something so unlike me that I won't care when someone yells it.

I hate retail. The only part of it I love about it is the people I work with. Even when they get on my nerves I truly know some amazing, talented and funny people. If it weren't for the customers I really wouldn't hate my job as much.

But I don't want to be at Le Sad Store forever just because I like my co-workers. And I don't want to be Josh or Blue or any other of the million bookstore employees working there until there big break occurs.

There is this girl, a' regular', about 19 who has made friends with half of the staff. She is sweet, nice and wants to be a writer once she graduates school. A couple of weeks ago she asked me if I could edit some of her stories because someone told her that I had publishing experience. I kind of looked at her like 'who are you and what the hell are you talking about' but said i wouldn't mind looking at some of her writings because she knows McAbs.

She hasn't sent me anything though, maybe because i added that i am uber critical and honest to a fault when it comes to writing. However, she has injected herself like she is part of the staff. The other day she positioned herself around customer service for an hour or so just to hang out with us. I felt annoyed and perplexed because people who don't have to put up with the BS of working at a bookstore should not make the store their home.

As I was heading back to customer service I passed her talking to Josh who was telling her that most likely she would end up working at a bookstore for a while (maybe this one) to which she replied 'I can't wait, it seems like so much fun and a writer thing to do'.

My heart sank and I understood then my annoyance with her. Working at Le Sad Store is not fun. The people are but the actual prospects are not. And it isn't the 'writer' thing to do. It's just another one of those sub cultured glamorization of a place that only exists in 90's indie flicks. Maybe that is what drew me to it, but it is the reality that is pushing me away.

So while apart of me reclaiming my mojo is stepping up the job hunt, it also involves stepping up my writer game. I am months away from having to repay my loans. I am in no position to do that currently, not even close and I definitely have no intention of leaving new york. They would have to kick me out by force.

Currently, I am taking steps to make writing my top priority again. I admit, I've been slacking lately. And by lately I mean every since I graduated school. I know that i want to be a writer or rather a creative person doing creative things for a living. Whatever that means. But if I don't at least do something with writing, it will forever me a hobby that now I can't even really say I do on a regular basis. Or I will continue to be a cliche bookstore worker hanging out with creative but extremely lazy people.

So along with writing on Everything Was, uploading pictures on Quiet Girl I've decided that I need a professional blog to contribute to.

I recently saw a post for a production assistant for a really famous Children's Production company but for some reason they asked for a writing sample along with my cover letter and resume. Outside of this blog I don't have any writing samples. I mean I could edit and submit on of my entries here but the post are way too personal for me to do even that.

So i thought, maybe if I created a blog solely for reviews, story excerpts and general not personal musings, I would be able to use this as my writing portfolio. Right?

So far the working title is Grilled Cheese, and I look to contribute some pop-culture, nostalgia ridden, 20 something year old rants every Tuesday and Thursday (along with my more personal rants here of course). Once I have my 'writing website' in working order I'll post a link. While I sometimes loathe some our of technological advances (um, the fact that anyone with a computer or camera, while lacking talent, can be famous) I think having a place where my writing clips can be accessible will be another networking opportunity.

For some reason creating Grilled Cheese makes me feel productive again. While I still have a million and one things to worry about (loan repayment, job hunting) i don't want to neglect the one thing that makes me who i am.

And like James Franco said 'no one is going to ask a new writer to write'. I know I quoted James Franco but former Daniel Desario of Freaks and Geeks has a point. I'm just saying.