Unpaved Road.

Now that I have some time to myself (I don't have to be at work until 7 tonight) it's about time I describe the interview I went to Monday afternoon.


Oh, where to begin.


As you may know I was uber excited about Monday's interview. It seems that every time I get an opportunity to leave Le Sad Store I am filled with so many different emotions. Anxiety, Excitement, Apprehension, Glee and Terror.



It has a lot to do with the fact that come September (unless I find a job in the next two week or so) i will be embarking on my 3rd year at Le Sad Store. Three years of crappy customer service and in store plays, three years of helping people buy books that they don't want to read and giving the stank eye to teenagers.


Time flies and I know this best of all. When I moved to New York I had no intention of being a bookseller for three years. The first couple of months I was adamant that I would be on the fast track to a job, stability and maybe even an apartment (with a cat named Jack). Hell, I spent more time then contemplating my exit strategy than I do now.


The first few months were frustrating because the bulk of my internal dialogue was very self righteous. I can't even recount the countless conversations I had with my mom that began and ended with 'I'm better than this, i can't do this job anymore, what the hell am I doing with my life" complaints. The only difference now is that instead of complaining about my situation I have, for quite some time, been making an effort to get a new job. I feel as productive as ever about my job search but am continually disappointed with the results.

And I know (I know) the economy is bad. No one is hiring. My situation is not unusual. But it doesn't stop me from feeling pangs of jealousy towards the people around me who have landed gigs since I have been at Le Sad Store. Like Jenn (the girl who wanted me to move in with her) who is now working at some immigration law firm. Or the utterly boooooring Pamela, who recently graduated but got a job in mental health counseling and now may have a job in the city (via her facebook announcement). Even dumb funny Ryan, who was fired from the store a year ago for showing up high on a regular basis, is now selling life insurance in the city while he attends Columbia University.


And plenty other people have come and gone too: Evan, Ana, Erin, David, Paul, Kristina, Rachel. And every time someone else leaves it makes me feels as if the effort i'm putting in isn't one at all.


And it doesn't matter that I have NO interest in doing any of the jobs they've all landed. My jealousy stems more from them getting out of Le Sad Store rather than them finding (un)desirable employment. But it still makes me feel very frustrated. As if my attempts aren't really attempts at all because I've seen so little results.


And honestly, I just don't know how many more career books I can buy or interview suggestions I can read online. I already have a pile of job related books taking up space in my room that I am desperate to get rid of. I am completely and utterly over searching for a job but I don't have a choice but to keep trudging. I don't have any other choice but to wake up, go to work, try not to curse someone out and sleep so I can do it all over again.

But If I have to run into any more ex-employees of Le Sad Store who drop by just to see how 'we' are holding up I might just barf. This is literally making the job search unbearable and my time at Le Sad Store more heartbreaking. Ever so often someone who use to work there will stop by and want to chat and discuss old times. Of course they never are there to shop for books, it's always 'oh, i was in the area' thought I'd stop by to see who was left...to see if anything changed'

And of course I am there to remind that nothing has changed at all, not even me.

So when I was contacted for an interview from the Vice President of what I thought was a 'really cool' production/distribution company I was elated. I haven't had an interview since March and that one sort of left me feeling crappy. I spent more time defending myself as a bookseller than explaining why my experience in book publishing (including sales) would be transferable to a literary agency.

He actually told me that the position would be 'a leap' for someone in my situation. That going from book sales to a job within a literary agency was 'a little impractical'.


And while I shot back hard "I wouldn't call it an impractical leap. This isn't a leap, from say, working in medicine and then deciding one day that I want to pursue a career in publishing. I am versed in all areas of publishing from book sales to editorial and production. It's more of a transition to an appropriate area than anything else', he has now being the voice of doubt in my head


Sometimes I still hear his voice telling me that I cannot do this, that I should consider being a bookseller for good. I hear his voice and it beats down my confidence (though I know one day it will give me strength) with his stupid assertions. I still have fears, if you can call them that I am unqualified for things. From receptionist jobs to even sales associate things, I am consumed with unwavering fears that I am only book smart and nothing more.

And yeah, i've gotten some interviews and made some impressions but I am still at Le Sad Store and miserable. And I worry that it is because I am starting to believe what he said may be true.


But thoughts only consume me 5% of the time. I push them away as much as I can. I continue to apply and commit myself to finding better employment. And when I was invited in for an interview I was prepared to rock it. F*ck _____ Literary Agency and their dumb insensitive totally off the mark boss.

I found the opening for this job on a site that I frequent often. They are pretty good resource for me because the jobs are related only on the creative field. 3 out of the 4 interviews I have gone on have been from using this job site and they post listings from huge organization to smaller but still reputable agencies.

From the description of this job I knew I was a little unqualified. The opening was for a Sales Coordinator with a television distribution company that I have never heard of but was excited to pursue regardless. I researched their website before sending off my cover letter and resume was all sorts of excited about the opportunity to join an company where my sales background would be an asset rather than a questionable work experience. And from the description it seemed like a role I could grow in with a company well know internationally.


Outside of preparing for Sales Related questions, I bought a nice skirt and shirt to complement my new found confidence. I looked all sort of professional the morning of and even had some industry related questions to ask.

And this is where things fell to shit. But not on my part.


The moment I get to the interview I am quickly struck by how small the office is, if you can even call it that. It is literally a small loft with a partition creating an extra office space. It was as if someone rented out a room in a really expensive building to make as their own personal studio. And because I am use to working in Sales I quickly noticed how little room there was to conduct any of the Sales related job responsibilities posted in the ad.

In fact, there wasn't room for more than three people to work out of the office.

Don't worry. This was not a sketchy 'oh shit I've just walked into a really scary situation' scenario but this was definitely not the thriving, exciting, distribution company I imagined in my mind. Furthermore this was not the team oriented, fast paced, sales environment I applied to. Turns out, the distribution company is tiny (only 65 employees work for the whole damn company;throughout 5 countries) and the Sales Coordinator position was really a 'Personal Assistant' gig to a newly formed division of the company. The guy, who actually is the vice president, works out of a small office in midtown Manhattan where he is the sole operator of the office.


The job would encompass everything but Sales including 'you see that broom in the corner' 'yes' 'I'd need someone to sweep up every once in a while too'. Not only was I unqualified for the position (not the sweeping part but the 'I need but the person I hire for this job to be my right hand man' 'meaning' 'if i were to get hit by a bus while i were away on business, i would need you to run this office as if you were me' 'well, lets hope you don't get run over by any buses soon'.

The main issue with the whole interview was that I wasn't even interviewing for the damn job I applied to online. There was no Sales Team or thriving, fast paced environment. There was no opportunity for growth or working in a group setting. Instead it was a solitary, all encompassing, 'i need someone who doesn't need training' situation. Which wasn't at all what he describe in the job description.


This wasn't even a situation where I felt like I'd blown the interview. He obviously stretched the truth on the job site about the job title and because I walked in having all of my Sales knowledge present I was not prepared to answer anything about film distribution. While I have never been on a blind date I can only equate my interview on Monday to one. We didn't click. There was no connection and I sort of wanted it to be over so I could go home (or go to the Moma with Heather as I ended up doing).


It was a hot mess. When I got in the elevator I was consumed with...laughter. The whole thing was absurd. He'd wasted my time, by posing the job as a Sales Coordinator position when it turned out to be everything but, and I'd wasted his by not knowing anything about Film Distribution or the company.

I am not sad that this did not work out. In fact, I even went against business etiquette by not sending him a thank you email and letter. I refused to extend any gratitude after his false advertisement. It is not a job I would ever want to do for so many reasons, and for him to obviously stretch the truth to get more applicants to apply was a little shady.

But I am sad that I am back at square one. That I am back in line to search for new and better employment. I don't know what else I can do to find a job. I just don't. And at this point I am doubting the road I am on because thus far it has lead me nowhere.

I did end the day on a high note though. Heather and I made plans to hit up the Moma and then Dylans Candy shop in the city after my interview. And let me tell you it was the relief I needed after that horrible mess of a job interview. We had a blast walking around midtown Manhattan and taking pictures. The Moma turned out to be an exciting place of contemporary art and a Post Secret exhibit. And Dylan's candy. Well, need I say more. It was three floors of candy, candy, candy and a bakery on the third floor. I'll try to upload the pictures later on this week.

So yeah, back at square one. I've applied to some literary agency's this week and hope to hear something back from one or two of them. My spirits aren't down but am very tired of the search. It feels like am a directionless and that is possibly the worst feeling ever.