I feel like I might puke from nerves.
Tonight we are all going to the midinight-ish showing of Star Trek. My friend, who is a huge star trek nerd, spent a crap load of money buying us these ridiculous costumes to wear because he thought it'd be fun if we made a whole event out of a movie we all want to see .
Sean and I are donning blue star trek uniforms. Sean and I are also hanging out before the movie starts. Then we are meeting up with said geeky friends for dinner right before the movie.
Why does this feel like Valentines Day all over again, except hopefully there won't be any tears or me threatening to break doors out of anger and embarrassment.
One day i wish to be a functioning human being who does not get severe anxiety over social gatherings. While i have been waiting and preparing for this day for months I am a ball full of awful nerves now that the movie is mere hours away.
What the hell I am I suppose to do with Sean for 4 hours (don't answer that). Am i actually expected to wear this star trek outfit the whole night. Why the hell did i decide to wear a mini skirt with it instead of leggings. Why am I sweating. I haven't even left work left to meet up with the boy so we can head back to his house.
Why am i going to his house. Why isn't there a manual of how to conduct oneself in public. I should not be allowed out of the house based on how poorly i behave in big groups. I get sullen and tired and I want to retreat home quickly.
But i hate that every time I am out with this boy he has to compensate for my anxiety. I want there to be at least one outing where I am not a hot mess of tears and regret.
I am not a religious girl but Dear God Lady Ma'am please let tonight go well. Please give me the strength to just have fun and enjoy an outing with my friends. Please don't let me barf on anyone. And please, please let Sean think I am uber pretty in this stupid over sized costume. If you could help an awkward girl out that would be great.
~Beckett
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