A few weeks ago I told Kat that I was thinking about buying a car...because you know, I'm an adult and stuff, and should have some wheels by now. Kidding, I am far from an adult but transportation is a nightmare and after a year of being a bus rider, train hopper and cab grabber, I am simply over being dependent on public transport. However grateful I am for it being available in my area.
Before I moved to my now adorable and great town, i walked everywhere in favor of the bus. I like walking and living within distance of both the bookstore job and the university made life very easy. Whenever i did need to go anywhere outside of walking distance, I could bum a ride off of Kat.
But things are hella different since moving. I live an hour away from my new job and though my town is quaint and adorable, i often have to travel for entertainment and shopping. I don't so much mind the latter of these traveling woes. I'm a homebody and I tend to spend my weekends indoors or in town anyway.
But commuting from work...that's another issue. When I worked at the university commuting was doable because I could take the school's free shuttle. During the winter this was a life saver. It snowed so much last year that i would have been trapped were it not for this shuttle. On the days where i missed work late at the bookstore, I could easily grab the bus or train and head home. But my new job is a little farther away. Not Manhattan far by any means but definitely a tougher commute.
It takes me twice as long to get to work and I have to take two buses instead of one. If one bus is late, I miss my connection and have to wait 15 minutes to catch the next one. I spend the bulk of my commute lightly jogging from one stop to another or cursing under my breath because the bus is late...again. I get up extra early so I can make it to work on time and I have to leave my job 15 minutes early in order to make my bus home...a bus that is often late and/or overcrowded.
I've been doing this commute for 9 months and to say i am tired would be an understatement. A few weeks ago, I saw a cockroach on the bus, walking around like he owned the damn place and I knew it was a sign that it was time to move on from the commuter life. I ran the idea by my mom who was completely on-board with me getting a car and I've been doing my research ever since. I know that I do not want to lease a car, i know that i want something compact, I know that i don't want my monthly payments to be astronomical. I know that i want a car by the end of the year. A nice Xmas present to myself.
The idea of having a car has made me quite happy the last few weeks. As someone who has never owned a car (i do not count my high school car which I could only use to drive from my house to school) there is something magical about my impending independence . I dream of the freedom that will come with wheels. I dream of the mini adventures i could take. I imagine not feeling so trapped or restricted to my town and being dependent on people around me for rides. I also know I will dread traffic and check-ups and driving on the highway, but i don't let those fears outweigh the sheer relief I will feel once I have a car.
Lately I feel as if most of my social life is spent catering to what everyone around me wants to do and a lot of this has to do with the fact that I am constantly the passenger. And being a passenger has it's limitations. Before I left for Thanksgiving break, I told Kat my wondrous plan because she is my best friend and I like sharing stuff with her...even my aspirations. But i've noticed recently that when I tell Kat something she too then wants to do the same thing. When i moved to my new adorable town, she started looking for apartments with her boyfriend in my neighborhood...because i found such a great deal so she could too!When I told her my mom and I were going to Washington D.C on vacation, Kat booked a trip to D.C as well a few weeks later.
My mom says Kat's tendency to 'follow my lead' is flattering because she must, in some way, see me as an example of a person who gets shit done. Kat has spent most of her life depending on others to do things for her, and seems intrigued by the fact that I depend on very little people but i still manage to get things done when i put my mind to it. So when she mirrors things that i do, or wants to follow my lead...I am a little bit flattered cause I am literally figuring shit out as it happens. BUT sometimes I am also frustrated by this aspect of our friendship because setting the trail is a lot harder than following one.
So needless to say when I arrived home from Thanksgiving break I was a little peeved to get a text from Kat letting me know that she decided to take my lead again and get..a brand new car. "you made it seem so easy" "you're right it's like the perfect time" "and this would be the perfect way to end the year" "i've never really had anything my own so I agree this would be like the best investment". My heart sank. While I am happy for her, this was supposed to be my big thing. This was the plan I had for myself and my end of the year and now it feels taken from me. Upstaged. The person following my lead has used my trail as a shortcut and I am very very very frustrated at the moment because with her nothing ever feels like my own.
She got her new 2016 Subaru Hatchback yesterday and has been texting me like crazy about it. I am trying not to let it get to me but it is. It has. Especially as I get ready for my hour long commute. The only upside is that her old car is currently being unused, and I am hoping she'll let me buy it from her (on the cheap side since I am her best friend) so I have something to drive. It's an old Volvo but seriously they have been my dream car since i was a teen and i could save a lot of money not having to finance something new. I'll have to wait and see though and honestly the thought of having a hand me down car from the person I 'inspired' to get a car bothers me more than i'd like to admit.
2 comments:
No, girl. No. Do NOT buy Kat's car. You deserve your own ride, and it's always going to feel a bit tainted if you buy Kat's hand-me-down (and do NOT let her try to talk you into it--why didn't she trade her old car in, anyway??). If you want to go the used route, you can buy a certified used car (Volvo or anything else that interests you) that will come with a limited warranty. If you buy a car from a friend and it poops out on you a month later, you're utterly screwed.
As for Kat "following your lead," I guess it's flattering, but it's also kind of shitty. Wanting to live in your neighborhood is fun! Buying a car because you're buying one? That's gross. Girlfriend has to start figuring out shit on her own.
And I'm sorry that you've had to face another Marie anniversary, but I'm glad that you seem to be getting through and doing well.
i definitely agree that buying kat's old car could put me in a really position. The car is 25 years old and her bf is constantly working on it which is a big enough red flag for me. I think it's just my desperation and desire not to ride the bus anymore that for a minute makes me think this is an okay idea. she's picking me up friday so we can hang out and possibly discuss. at this rate unless she is willing to give it to me for free, i think my car search will have to continue.
I've wanted to bring up her tendency to 'follow my lead' but my mom says it would hurt her feelings. Though i'm all about empowerment and supporting each other, our relationship in this department is always one sided. I find myself constantly being the strong one or problem solver and it can be very frustrating. I wish she was able to get her shit together independent of people helping her.
And thank you. the first two weeks of December are always the toughest but i'm doing well. her family is doing well. and i think we are all trying to be happy and figure shit out, lol, as healthier though still grieving people
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