Star-Crossed Lovers

"Romeo: Did I defy you, stars"

"Juliet:And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun."

So we have been watching romeo and Juliet in class for English. We are suppose to have our last paper, before the final, doing a historical criticism on the "MTV" version of Romeo and Juliet starring Leonardo Dicaprio and Claire Danes. Other than buying the soundtrack because of Des'ree "kissing you", i haven't really seen the movie. I have a short attention span to long movies. Haven't seen Braveheart, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or the last 2 Matrix movies because they are long, long, and more long. Not that they will be horrible, i bet they are all good movies, but i usually end up turning the channel tuning in for what happens at the end or can rely on my brother to tell me what happens at the end.

I've seen all of the important parts of the film, the first time they spot each other, the death of Romeo's friend, the end where Juliet find Romeo's dead body next to hers and the cry that escapes her mouth, i mean the main parts. But sitting in class actually having to watch the whole thing, i notice how uncomfortable the whole movie makes me feel.

We've all known the story since like we were born. I actually read the play in 8th grade and kind of thought it was stupid. I mean the whole image of them falling in love in one night, getting married, dying tragically and that being the end was all hogwash to me. Mainly because of my feeling that in some way, it was puppy love and that it was lust that drove them together not some love that drove them to move so fast from meetng, marriage, death.

But i must admit when they first spotted each other at the Halloween party locking eyes among the fishtank, i got that "oh that is so romantic" feeling. But quickly pushed it to the back of my mind. The whole thing seems a little...i don''t know, i don't want to say that i don't believe in soulmates. I won't even say that i don't believe in love at first sight. But the real tragedy for me lies in thinking that if they had lived, had ran away together that they wouldn't be together now. That Romeo maybe would have fallen in love with someone else, or they both would have realized how quickly they had rushed in to something. That the only way there love maintained was because they had died never knowing anything but what they felt in those few days. I mean if all had ended happily ever after, there story would have never been told, we wouldn't have even cared, that for their love to survive for them and for us they had to die. And that made me sad. Because thats the real tragedy, not that they had died, but that there love never got to grow or diminish. Somehow i feel cheated out of an ending, because if they would have lived the results may be more depressing then them at least dying with this magical love that had for each other, even if it was puppy love.

As i've written in other entries Mike has a "girlfriend" now. He only brings her up as if to annoy me. After Tuesdays test we went to Subway to grab some food, and then i guess talk about what had happened in classes and crap. We got on the conversation of Romeo and Juliet and i commented that i thought they were stupid. That i don't imagine love being so quick and definent. That maybe because i am always doubted myself, i kind of wouldn't believe that my "soulmate" will just come into my life, and i would know it. So then he goes on to tell me that he is madly in love with Christie/Christa(i can't remember so i'll just call her Christie). Now they have been going out for like 2 weeks, and he says this is the girl he wants to Marry, and have a life with and all this other bull. I told him it was bull too. That there is no way at this age that we can honestly comprehend what love is, i mean i can imagine what it is. I can dream that it's this beautiful thing, i can think that out there in this big world my soulmate is there, hopefully living a good life and yadda, but i don't know. I mean thats just what i can hope and think, but it isn't what i know.

And if i started dating a boy today, i woulnd't instantly think that he is my soulmate, that somehow the stars have destined for us to be together. Cause once breakups happen that will turn into "that bastard hurt me more than ever before". I don't know what true, pure love is. I mean i guess thats what soulmates offer, you know, which is why its probably so quick and passionate and consuming. And when you know, you'll know. You'll feel it no even in the pit of your stomach, but it will take your breathe away, it wouldn't be so complicated. You won't be nervous to go up and talk to him, or anything. It will feel definite, it will be the one thing you are ever sure of in your life.

And i don't think MIke is sure, i don't think most of us are sure. I mean of course we will find people who we will love and get married to, and have great life with. But it is wrong for me to say that only a few people are lucky enough to meet their soulmates? Maybe, but it's what i think. So when he said that she was his soulmate, i kind of laughed. Like out of everyone in the whole entire world that you could have the opprotunity to meet, she, who has been friend with you for a few years, she who has lived in the same town, same school, is the person out of the billion of people on this planet is your Soulmate. It can't be that simple because if it was we would all find our soulmates.

Then because i said that i didn't believe in that hogwash, he said that i would just end up with a bunch of man whores. MAN WHORES. This isn't the first time i have heard that i would end of with man whores. For someone who doesn't understand what a man whore is, i think that it is just basically dudes i will keep around to...satisfy whatever i need for the time being and discard. Physically, emotionally, mentally, whatever. The first time i met my great aunt she said i was "trouble for the boys" and told my mother to watch me, Marie and i share the same sentiment on marriage, and once i tell people that i don't want to get married they assume i am going to live a life of sin and orgies. I'm totally one for commitment, i just feel that why ruin a good thing while it's going good. If we are devoted to one another why must we prove it to the world, by getting hitched. And my only real reason for ever wanting to get married is if i was planning to have kids and i guess i would want them to know that they were born in the confinds of a secure commitment and love. Other than that though, i tell everyone i am going to have a Steadman(as Oprah does), a man that i can completely love and am commited too but not that i would get married to.

I was irked by his whole perception, that just because i have never been in love before that i would be some old hag out in the middle of the woods, with my 50 cats and a dog named Billy. It's just that i'm willing to wait,i've never been one to rush things, i need for me to go experience life first, before imposing my all encompassing love on someone. After calling him an idiot for the next couple of minutes, and explaining how un cut and dry it is, we went outside for round 2 of our discussion.

Mikes idea: men fall in love for looks, women are gold diggers who only look for a man who can provide for the family and for her.

My idea: You can't generalize love, or rush into quick believing it will fix all the problems you have in your life

Mike: It's predestined that there is one person for us all, who fits what we want to the tee.

Me: You can't say that. I mean what happens if the person you never thought you would fall for is the person who you will, if he or she goes against destinies plans, are you going to turn him away because it's not predestined.

This went on for like an hour. Just around and around we went. I say, we can't explain love, we all experience it differently, but to generalize and relate it to some hyped up idea is wrong, and will only lead to heartache. I bet if we spent me time just being in the moment instead of trying to find someone we would be better off. It's when you least expect it is when it happens, not when your chasing or rushing it.

Blah...i wrote too much and now i have procrastinated again. I must go re-write my history paper so i can get an A in this class. The week is over, thank goodness and after this paper i am out for the count. My bed is calling my name.

Oh...but i have decided that for Halloween i will now be a fairy/angel for now on if attending parties. If Juliet can rock an Angel costume and catch a Romeo ,i can too. It's kind of sad that the only thing i got from what i've seen so far is that i want to be a fair Angel/maiden for Halloween. What can i say, i'm moved by the small things.