Brave New Girl

I wonder if I can minor in Photography.

Choosing my minor has been more nerve racking then deciding what major to drop or stick with. My minor choices are: Spanish, Psychology(I get to skip all the bull classes and get to the good stuff), Medical Humanities(which Kay is minoring in which frightens me away) or maybe something in the arts. I figure I spend so much time talking about the lack of balance that I have that I minus while minor in something that will give me a good balance.

My mom is kind of impressed by my photography. Which is weird because any mention of the arts from her is like "are you saying you don't want to be a doctor". Yeah. But she called me today and told me she hung up several of my pics from the big apple, and that if I take any more pics she will dedicate a whole wall to my photos. WHOA. That's huge.

After the small weather problem I decided to venture out despite the drizzle. Though I hate that I am at this school I managed to find beauty in it. Which isn't that hard because it's actually kind of pretty.

I found a lot of solace in walking around and snapping pictures today. And other than getting hissed at my a demon possessed squirrel, it was pretty peaceful. Me, My not so high tech digital camera, and a whole lot of walking. The first picture is near the art building. It's my favorite building on this whole campus. Though there were more people there are 9am than I expected. I felt like I was infiltrating a hidden safe or something. Guy walking down the hall must have smelt the bio major on me, as I held my camera close.

I was actually pretty happy that it was a rainy day. Though I am a natural introvert, rainy days are the only days I seem to want to venture. When I was younger and we lived in an apartment, I would look out from my window down at the streets which were of course filled with the falling rain. My mom would come in my room, grab me and my brother and we would run down the street, just to the corner and be covered in the stuff. I guess that's why I find it so peaceful, while everyone else seems to want to stay inside and hide from it, I want to run...run....run
I never realized how green the campus was, until two hours later(yes it took me that long) when I was sitting down flipping through the pics. Lying in bed last night(this also has to do with greenness) I made a decision that I really want to go to England for study abroad next Spring. Marie has tried to talk me out of it, saying that it will put me behind. But I am able to take 15 credits abroad and also able to take summer classes. I've been listening to a certain sound off of the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack(don't worry I still think the book is a wasteful pile of..."I hate him" "I love her" "Do I love him" "She hates me" "I LOVE HIM" "I LOVE HER",but the movie was pretty entertaining and England looked so beautiful).

Going away those 5 days and kind of being on my own, but still managing to survive and talk to people and not get lost, or frightened or worried, has given me a new sense of my possibilities. I think the hardest thing for me is that I fear my mother will take my want to go off and travel as a way of distancing myself away from her. But today she also said she was very surprised by my Street Smarts, and that she won't worry about me if I decide to go away to a another country for a semester.

I guess I doubt myself so much, I forget that I have the capabilities to conquer a brave new world.

So last night I told her of my plans. That I am seriously going to look into going out of the country either with Marie or/and for study abroad opportunities. I feel like whatever chapter I am in regarding my life is ending. Sure it's only the prelude that is coming to a close, but it's nice to know that I'm making strides to have a story to tell. To lead this life that I can look back fondly on. To write and capture images of times in my life that will always be apart of me.

With the end of the school year and the end of some friendships and maybe even some crushes. I correct that last statement, definitely an end to S.African Crush(Art boy is still up there), he's searching for a mother figure and I unfortunately I have come to the realization that I may be looking for a father figure, we would just collide and not in the melodic Howie Day "Collide" way.

Maybe the end is really just a beginning. Maybe our experience are all just preludes. Cause preludes set you up for the amazing story that has yet to be read. Mine has yet to be written, well sort of, but I'm glad that I am starting to take narrative of my own story. Sure it's sometimes fuzzy, and I misread a lot of things(I misread people genuinely), but I misread people because misread myself (I learned this all from English he should totally give me an A). I'm stronger than I thought, minus by setbacks from time to time, and now I am ready to...I don't know see how much more I can do. If I can get past the awkward shyness...yeah that's not going to happen, but I think I can work with it.

*Anyway* If anyone can tell me what happened in the last 12 hours of my life I would greatly appreciate it. I managed to get up at 9, do something or another, and now it is almost 9 o'clock at night. Nothing has been accomplished, my room still is a mess, I think there may have been a SIM here or there and I have an essay due Monday that I haven't even started.

Procrastination follows me until the last week of school. Damn