I hate that people wear me out.
It's a problem i have always had. Perhaps i get too overwhelmed with people. Their different perspectives, views, actions and behaviors, sometimes i can rarely be around a group of people for too long before i literally just get exhausted. Physically. My body is wore out from absorbing the interactions around me.
I've been working on the whole "being social" thing. And everyone is right... with practice it just becomes easier. A hey there, soon turns into "did you understand the homework" to "see you later".
I'm not really getting any closer to people than the on the surface conversation, but it's better than nothing these days. But I'm beginning to worry that maybe i just cant...connect to people. It's a bizarre notion i know, even i sometimes reread my entries and go "well surely other people must feel the same way. There are people who are just like me". But i wonder why my relationships with people aren't deeper than I'd like them to be. And then i realize it may be because I'm completely exhausted around them because i am faced with what i wish to receive and give in relationships.
I want to absorb every part of a conversation, not in a creepy way, but so that people know that i am paying attention. I am a way better listener than i am talker because i feel like i so badly want to be wanted that i let people divulge whole aspects of themselves to me. In turn i am not able take it all in all at once, and i have become exhausted these last couple of days talking to people.
People are so complex. I once read that our greatest need was to be understood. Maybe that is why we seek the comfort of friends and family. Because there are days when we feel so misunderstood we just need someone to remind us that we aren't.
But the closer i get to interacting with people, the more i feel misunderstood. I feel like i just don't belong. Like I'm trying to place a piece of the puzzle into the the wrong spot. I feel exhausted and inadequate, and...lost.
Some days i wonder what i am working towards. What do i want from people? I want security and love...humor and comfort...and probably above all understanding. But just getting to that point with people is proving rather difficult, i can feel myself shutting down before i get to close. I guess what i am starting to realize that if i get exhausted with people so easily, maybe they will get exhausted with me.
It's a problem i have always had. Perhaps i get too overwhelmed with people. Their different perspectives, views, actions and behaviors, sometimes i can rarely be around a group of people for too long before i literally just get exhausted. Physically. My body is wore out from absorbing the interactions around me.
I've been working on the whole "being social" thing. And everyone is right... with practice it just becomes easier. A hey there, soon turns into "did you understand the homework" to "see you later".
I'm not really getting any closer to people than the on the surface conversation, but it's better than nothing these days. But I'm beginning to worry that maybe i just cant...connect to people. It's a bizarre notion i know, even i sometimes reread my entries and go "well surely other people must feel the same way. There are people who are just like me". But i wonder why my relationships with people aren't deeper than I'd like them to be. And then i realize it may be because I'm completely exhausted around them because i am faced with what i wish to receive and give in relationships.
I want to absorb every part of a conversation, not in a creepy way, but so that people know that i am paying attention. I am a way better listener than i am talker because i feel like i so badly want to be wanted that i let people divulge whole aspects of themselves to me. In turn i am not able take it all in all at once, and i have become exhausted these last couple of days talking to people.
People are so complex. I once read that our greatest need was to be understood. Maybe that is why we seek the comfort of friends and family. Because there are days when we feel so misunderstood we just need someone to remind us that we aren't.
But the closer i get to interacting with people, the more i feel misunderstood. I feel like i just don't belong. Like I'm trying to place a piece of the puzzle into the the wrong spot. I feel exhausted and inadequate, and...lost.
Some days i wonder what i am working towards. What do i want from people? I want security and love...humor and comfort...and probably above all understanding. But just getting to that point with people is proving rather difficult, i can feel myself shutting down before i get to close. I guess what i am starting to realize that if i get exhausted with people so easily, maybe they will get exhausted with me.
I'm fearful of getting to close only to be left behind.
I hate Thursdays(and i hate Organic Chemistry). Time to eat some girl scout cookies.
1 comment:
I totally get the "people are draining" feeling. It sounds like you are really empathetic, absorbing all the feelings and pain that other people project. But even when people aren't putting out bad vibes, it's just exhausting too continually feel them out. One thing I've learned is that some people are a LOT more draining than others. And there are even some that energize you! Those people are few and far between, but very worth the time to find and hold on to. Afterall, no man should be an island.
Post a Comment