New School....A New Bust.

Well the results are in. I think. And i was not accepted into the writing program on my dreams. Seriously.


I've been checking the website The New School gave me religiously everyday to see the status of my application. Some days i am confidant that going to grad school is for me. Other days i couldn't give a shit "I'll apply next year" I say "here i come New Haven and loan payments".


Though i was slightly leaning on the latter of the two emotions, seeing a nice "ACCEPTED" next to my application, would have been a ego booster. And who doesn't need an ego booster every once in a while.


So today i checked again, without much hope that i would get an answer of whether i was "in" or "out". But i happened to see something new attached to my application today, and a few clicks later:


APPLICATION STATUS: Complete ready for review
APPLICATION PREFERENCE: Not entered.


Exiled to New Haven. Better prepare my bags now.


I don't think I've fully ingested it yet. And i probably wont until i graduate and realize that i don't particularly have any where to go, for a whole year anyway.


I think I'm more torn up about rejection in any regards, rather than rejection from graduate school.


The weird thing is, is that i have been in a writing frenzy as of late. After getting back some shittastic papers from my professors all giving me pretty the same critique "good ideas. complicated to read. Work on passive voice and stating ideas clearly. Avoid prosy language", i figured "hey maybe they all aren't drinking some crazy juice, i seriously need to work on this"


Writing in a blog and writing for school (or graduate school) are two very different things for me. I am good at writing what i feel. My everyday decisions are based solely on what i feel about a certain thing, and that's why ( i think) i convey my feelings with as much clarity so people can connect to what i write.


I do struggle writing about what "I think" because for me that is based more on reason than feeling. It's not that i don't have these wonderful thoughts floating around in my head, but having to critically write it, is a struggle. Even when i approached short stories, i found it difficult to convey things outside of my own feeling.


I'm not really a fan of details, descriptions, or analysis outside of feelings. And as a writer, i need to find the balance or they will have to add "without a good job in writing" next to my "not entered" status.


I guess I am not so completely devastated because i sort of already know why i was rejected. For the same reasons i get B's and C's on otherwise interesting concepts and papers. I have not tuned the mechanics of writing to write...successfully. And i can't just rely on good ideas, or talent to get me where i want to go. I need the basics or as Kbyrna called it

" the accessories to the great outfit. Like, you're wearing totally kickass clothes, and have a fab hairdo, but your shoes are old lady orthopedics, and you're wearing weird plastic jewelry that NEVER looked good. and you're carrying a plastic grocery bag with all your shit in it, instead of chic and trendy totebag or backpack or whatever. everyone says: gosh, too bad about those shoes....bad grammar and spelling distract from the overall look. it's dumb, but so is wearing navy blue shoes with an all-black outfit. you just have to say: okay, this is something i have to do. and then you learn that the semi-colon is as awesome as a pair of kittycat shoes. and you rock it ALL"

Favorite comment ever!

Like most things it sometimes takes me a while to see the whole picture. I resisted all of Mr.McNiceGuy's comments until the end of the semester, and am just implementing them now. I've had this sudden "Oh i finally get it" moment. That "this" is what everyone is saying about my writing. There comments are actually going to make me better, even if it stings to hear it.

Like i mentioned, i have been on a writing frenzy since last week. I've been getting loads of inspiration from the gargoyles on top of buildings to people blowing out cold air from their pursed mouths. I just get this idea, slowly mold it into a story, and then have this need to just write it all down.

In a matter of one week I've envisioned several different novels, scripts, short stories, and even creative non fiction. I mean i obviously do not have the time to do much with them (since i am trying to graduate and fail all my classes) , but the mojo i thought i lost is alive again and i am in a chaotic creative place.

A part of what will make me a writer, doesn't have a lot to do with grad school, it has a lot to do with tuning my problem areas, finishing the stories that i wish to write, balancing the creative with the mechanical, and having the self confidence in both my work and myself to succeed. And i don't think they can teach me that in grad school, and it's probably something they look for in a applicant. And honestly in December and even right now, i wouldn't even accept me.

It still sucks being REJECTED, but i have a whole year to work on developing my craft. I might even learn something in the process.

No time to week for i have a test tomorrow and i must prepare for birthday festivities. Tomorrow my mom is stealing me away to a place with lots of cake, food and possibly wine. What more can a girl ask for.