Mark Darcy: No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

What an off day.

I'm beginning to think that off days occur so the optimistic part of me doesn't live life wearing "everything is rosy" glasses. My sociology professors shuns optimistic people. According to him optimistic people can only be let down. If you think that things are always going to work out for the best then the moment something shitty happens you are crushed beyond help.

But if your a pessimist, like him, when bad things happen you expect it. When good things happen you are shocked and a little elated. The life of a pessimist is much easier according to him. I think i may take him up on that.

I walked out of my apartment today in a pretty good mood. The new body wash i'm using is making my skin softer than that damn teddy bear on those detergent commercials, which made me very happy this morning. I had on my favorite brown tunic, with my converse and distressed jeans. As i opened the door i saw a group of tall, bulky football players in the parking lot i have to cross to get to class. You know, the type of guys that have girls drooling allover them. The type of guys who have to hang out in groups in order to feel normal. Next to the small, anxious, and converse wearing me, i was no match for them.

I tried to escape their gaze knowing that in comparison to all the hott chicks they hang out with, my converse, jeans and tunic would make me look like your stereotypical geeky 80's girl rather than the prom queen.

"Your girlfriend's calling you" they yelled when i passed, mocking one of their other friends by suggesting he would ever date a girl like me. And just to make sure I knew they were talking about me i heard "the one in brown" by the same one. MotherF*cker. I had my headphones in my ears, which weren't playing anything, but it made it easy for me to pretend like i didn't hear them, instead of turning around in mortification at these huge guys who were calling me out in the parking lot.

I felt a little bad. Like an Ugly Duckling or something. But my sociology professor has a way of perking me up. His comments are so off the wall sometime that you can't help but feel okay. After the parking lot debacle, my professor began talking about some guy in his department who is leaving in disgraced. He hates the guy because said guy doesn't like how my professor grades students. He'll give you an A as long as you show up. His rationale is that the people who want to learn knowing that no real hard work is going to be involved, want to be there and deserve the A.

The people who know the class is going to be an easy A won't even come, which means they will get a grade lower than an A. "It's college... people. Look at the asshole they let into universities every year because they can play some sport really well. It's bullshit. You know the type, brainless jocks and the whole lot. I don't expect them to come because they think it's an easy A. So when they get that C, they have no one to blame but themselves. This is me screwing with the system, one jock at a time"

He's my hero and he doesn't even know it.

Work wasn't any better. When i met Stephen the first time, he offhandedly mentioned that a girl in our department is hot. She doesn't speak English well, but she has the sweet meek thing down to a tee. Not like my potty mouth rants that usually end in a mispronunciation of a word. I'm just saying. We were waiting for the elevators today talking about where i grew up when the cute foreign girl came out of the elevator. His slouch was suddenly replaced with straight shoulders and a proper stance I thought he was going to pop his collars or something and take off his hat in her presence. It was all "hello, how are you doing", straight lace bull crap. I just stared at him as he acted all prim and proper in front of the hot foreign chick. Once she was out of the way our conversation resumed, slouched shoulders and all.

It could just be that i was self conscious from the parking lot thing, but i must admit idiots aside i feel more like a ugly duckling than a beautiful swan some days. Back to referencing the 80's, i feel like the girl no one notices until she takes off her glasses and adds some makeup to her face. It's irritating, when you want to be attractive to other people, but can't seem to get past mere cute.

[Speaking Of: I have received countless comments in my 3 years of blogging about how beautiful i am. And if i was Audry Tatou from the movie Amelie, i would gladly say "I'm flattered. Thank you so much" . But as i have mentioned in my profile under favorite movies: THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE ISN'T ME. I am not the beautiful and talented french actress who starred in the shy girls anthem of romantic movies. The picture is there only because i relate to her character in the movie, not because she secretly has a 22 year old twin out there. Sorry to disappoint any of those reading who thinks a really hot girl is anxious as hell as and a writer. I am merely Beckett Amelia Hughes, more awkward and clumsy (and cute) than glamorous and French. Us normal cute girls have it a lot harder than she does.]

After Stephen retreated to his office, Amanda pulled me aside for girl talk. The other day i wore a t-shirt under a tunic. She nearly punched me in the face when she saw me, yelling "why are you wearing that". Today she apologized for saying it in front of EVERYONE and embarrassing me. She just doesn't understand why i wear baggy clothes and cover up so much "You're pretty" she said "and you want a boyfriend don't you?".

The truth is boyfriend or no boyfriend, crush or sort of crush, i just want someone to like me just as i am. And though it doesn't seem like a hard request, maybe it is in the real world. I guess it's only fitting that that's what i want after my Bridget Jones of a day. I don't want to be someone else so i can have some dude on my arm, or crush by my side. I just want to be me and have someone like me just as i am, potty mouth and all.

Time to hide under the covers and watch Becoming Jane again. Maybe James McAvoy saying "run away with me" will lift my spirits. What i am i saying , of course James McAvoy saying "runaway with me" will make me happy.