Today i applied to ten jobs. TEN! It was a record breaking day by my count.
I dread having to work retail for many reasons. Though i am personable and friendly, it's only with people i feel comfortable with. Strangers freak me out, and having to be nice to people who may not be nice back makes me antsy. The only retail places i applied to were the ever so friendly Barnes & Nobel and Crate and Barrel (only because i hear you get a 30% discount and Christmas is soon approaching).
Besides those two, i couldn't stomach applying to any more retail places, and spent the rest of the afternoon applying to libraries and looking for a perfect interview outfit. Because of funds, i have decided to buy ONE interview outfit and reuse it until it is falling apart.
However, i am a person overwhelmed by small things. I was not the kid in the candy store who was dazzled by the gummie worms and chocolate raisins. I was the kid who walked into the colorful store holding my bag with no idea where to start. So instead of leaving the store with an array of candy to rub in my brothers face, i ended up with a bag full of one type of candy.
I have not yet escaped this affliction. I browsed H & M, forever 21, and Anthropologie (this one more for fun than actual shopping) today and was taken aback by all the clothes. I want something cute and businesslike. An outfit that's professional but displays some of my character. I guess because i don't have a sound clue what my character is like (indie rock/book worm?) i don't really know what i am looking for. I kind of looked suspicious in each store, walking around aimlessly with my big "organically grown" bag and shifty eye contact. After 30 minutes of "maybe this would look nice" i left defeated.
I found a store that i absolutely fell in love with (but cannot afford) which is called Martin + Osa, a casual comfort clothing line at it's best. The website does not do the store justice. Everything about the store made me squeal like a 3 year old. And by the end of the day i was telling my mom "I want to be an Osa girl". She had no idea what i was talking about but she was happy that i didn't sound depressed. The price is way (way!) out of my league but hopefully i can find something like their pieces at a cheaper store.
Some days i try to be as positive as i can about the job search. My mom ( along with you guys) ar helping me in the supportive area. Maybe because it's a Monday (which is a good start off day) but i was determined to get out there, instead of mope around (I'll save that for another time) and weep into a pillow ( i don't do this, but it sounds more dramatic than "lie in bed frustrated about being jobless). I wanted to be more proactive today.
I know that i won't be jobless forever, but this looking and feeling inadequate thing sucks. It's a big blow to the ego. I keep running through jobs that i can try if all else fails:
Beckett the train conductor: I would get to wear a cute little hat, and stamp people's ticket with a hole puncher. It's embarrassing that that is my sole attraction to the job but I really want a conductor hat though . I would work on the Metro North line doing the local stops throughout the day. I would get to view some of the pretty towns i wish i was living in, and tilt my hat to all the nice old people. Though i have never seen a women train conductor person, i play with the idea from time to time.
Beckett the Construction Worker: Yes, I'm small and dainty looking but i know my way around a power tool. Okay i don't really know my way around a power tool, but there must be some job where i can tell other people what to do. And maybe even get a hat. I really want a hat.
Beckett the Secret Shopper: I actually saw this ad on-line. I imagine it would be something like a candid camera job. I would go into whatever store was required from me. Buy an item, while internally rating the service. As soon as my change is handed back to me, i will surprise the employee with "I'm your secret shopper!!!" The well hidden camera people will emerge from their hiding spots to capture to surprise of the employee. And we would all I know it doesn't work like that, but in my mind it does.
Beckett the Coffee Shop Worker: I could see myself doing this. I love coffee. People who frequent coffee shop (not the popular ones) are usually intellectuals who love books. I will wear cute clothes and wipe tables down with a forlorn sadness that would propel a hot geeky guy to ask me what is wrong one day. And then we fall madly deeply in love. ( i love daydreaming).
Another busy day tomorrow. Job hunting, interview outfit shopping, and a visit from my uncle. Fingers crossed all will work out soon. I'm thinking of a small trip to New Haven on Thursday. I'm in need of some CT love.
1 comment:
there's a segment on some episode of THIS AMERICAN LIFE where they talk to a few women who work as secret shoppers. it's pretty good, because This American Life is always good.
in terms of interview clothes, go conservative. get a nice little suitlike thing (pants/jacket or skirt/jacket) in a subdued color (charcoal, black, navy, whatever). it's boring and not at all fun, but it makes an important impression. you can get interesting button-up shirts or camis or whatever to wear under the jacket to make it more interesting and personal. it's ALWAYS going to be better to err on the side of boring/traditional than to wander into an interview looking rad but unprofessional.
i love H&M. i wish i was a thin girl with long legs; i'd be tearing it up in some cuteass clothing. i love anthropologie, but fortunately i don't feel too bad about being the wrong size for them because i could NEVER afford their clothes.
just keep reminding yourself that it's hard for almost EVERYONE to get a job, and that it really is not personal, and says nothing about your worth or skills. it's just luck, often - you know there's at least 10 other people applying for every job YOU apply for. you just have to throw out zillions of resumes and applications and know that eventually the odds will be on your side.
(and that martin & osa stuff is awfully cute. and expensive).
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