The janitor drove me home last night. Why, Oh Why, oh Why!
I am not really feeling well today. The change in the weather is having a huge affect on me, and it doesn't help that I drank some nasty hot chocolate this morning from Dunkin Donuts. Because of this, my energy is hella low and I feel too sickly ickly to even write an entry.
But my crush on this guy has intensified, so I had to put down what I could. Last night I had a closing shift. Sean, the guy in question, was also closing. Closing sucks because when the doors are locked at 10pm we have another mandatory hour straightening up after customers. It sucks. Unless you have to catch a bus, you have to stay at the store until 11pm, and then we still have to leave as a group before dispersing in whatever direction we live. Sean lives in the Bronx, and on the nights I have closed with him he always leaves early to catch the bus or train home.
But last night he had his car, and because of this he wanted to know if I needed a ride home. I wanted to say no, my mouth even began to form the word but instead, after fumbling for some lame excuse, Yes came out of my mouth. I don't know why I regret saying Yes, maybe because I am starting to have a crush on a dude who has a girlfriend, maybe it's because I found out last night that he in fact a graduate student who does this job on the side because it pays well, not because he has an ambition to clean the women's bathroom for a living. We joked all the way to his car, where he surprised me with a bag of skittles he bought for me out of the vending machine ('only because you gave me some of yours' earlier).
I cannot begin to like this guy, even though he played air guitar at the stop light while I followed suit with my air drum solo. I cannot like this guy even though he said I looked like I was into Classical Rock and that I was into authors like Truman Capote and Keroauc. I cannot like this guy, despite the fact that he likes literature even though he looks like a meat head (because of the muscles and all). I liked him on the drive home, away from everyone else where he complained about school and his dad. I liked him when he made a lame joke and then turned to me as if to confirm some suspicion about me with a smile. I liked him, I liked him a lot before remembering he has a girlfriend and all.He dropped me off at my aunts and waited until I was near the door before heading off, and I stayed outside for a while just to process my growing feelings about him.
Fuck. Everyone at work is very fond of Sean. Especially the girls, and I too have fallen under his trap. I know that he is just being a nice guy, and that we are just goofing off and establishing a very interesting 'budship' (new word) but I can't help but be a little smitten with him. Just a little. There's nothing wrong with that, right?
Must go to bed and get better. I hate being sick. Hate it.
4 comments:
Never date a guy who complains about his dad. Just sayin. Might need to downgrade this one from 'budship' to ... whatever. Be aware that there are some guys who flirt *more* when they're in a relationship. This is something I'm kind of dealing with at work--not these guys flirting with me, but them as buddies using me as a vehicle to flirt with other girls. Also don't mind saying that this is something I've dealt with at work from a lady to me (intensely too!). If they're taken, let em be taken. Let it go. You're better than all that.
Whoa. I have a feeling a lot of people are going to be weighing in on this one. :)
I tried to have a "budship" with a dude in a relationship, a dude that I had a pretty decent crush on. It ended in me saying, "hey, I like you, but you have a girlfriend, so we shouldn't hang out."
He broke up with his girlfriend. And then we dated. And then we broke up. And then he went back to his girlfriend.
Everything was on the up-and-up; I confessed my feelings as soon as I really started having them (more than a crush), and there was no cheating involved (DON'T go down that path--if your real self is anything like your blog self, your heart is too good for it).
I guess my point is, it's okay to crush on a guy with a girlfriend, but be honest with yourself and with him if it starts feeling like more than a crush.
Oh, and: he is not just being friendly. He is hardcore flirting with you. And since he is the one in the relationship, that's his responsibility.
Nothing wrong with you liking the guy at all--
You don't really have any control over who you're attracted to. I'm attracted to lots of people--but I'm not fucking them (I have decided, after years of deliberation, that that would be objectively wrong, given my marriage and all).
The fact is, you can't pursue a romantic relationship with him at the moment--but you can set it up in such a way that your friendship may turn into something else once said girlfriend is out of the picture (should that ever happen). Just keep this guy on the backburner for a while, flirt and have fun. If he gets too close for your comfort, remind him of his girlfriend. Maybe he's just looking for an excuse to get out of that relationship and be with you. Fuck, who knows, Hughes?
Be well--
man, who are these commenters, coming out of the internet-woodwork? dang.
you're popular!!
i have a very small, and completely inappropriate (and never-actionable, no no no) crush on a student. this was sort of solidified after tonight's class. I advise proceeding with yon janitorial acquaintance in similar fashion: keep it all in your head (or your blog), be friendly, polite, charming as always, but always, ALWAYS, remember it is non-actionable and inappropriate.
But yes - one cannot help where one's crushes develop. One can, on the other hand, avoid being stupid or making bad decisions about them.
NOW is not the time to break your habit of shying away from Dudes Who Express Interest in you.
email Simon from the old job instead. he's a better choice ;)
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