So I got that internship I applied to last week and today was my first day. As I suspected I am WAY over qualified to be a non working 'employee'. The guy, who shall be called Moby because of his bald head, is uber nice and listens to cool music, and he made my first day pretty productive. I didn't get lost this time around and spent the next six hours editing middle school like reviews of plays, and updating casting information. I didn't ask for much help because I was familiar with the aspects of format and APA style and he saw no reason to check up on me because I seemed to have a hold of things.
I mailed some newspapers out, marked up more reviews with a red pen, and listened to an awesome web radio show. But I had that feeling in my stomach that I use to get at the beginning of a semester when I would realize that the class i signed up for wasn't what I wanted and that I had a clear window of opportunity to bail out and drop the course before I got a big fat "W" on my transcript. I have dropped many a class on this gut feeling, whether it's because the professor is a complete crazy person, the class is not what I expected or I know that I will fail it.
I had that feeling today. I didn't particularly hate being there, but I had a sense that wasn't the place for me. And not because Moby is a crazy ( he's actually very nice), or that the newspaper itself is a mess(it's a small print but they are surviving), it's just that after a year of being an intern I am too qualified to be their intern and they are not hiring any time soon.
I have to be very conscious of my money now (rent.rent.rent.food.rent) and unless the internship is in production (circa another chance to be an intern for the Nonion) or is a paid job, than I just can't afford to work for free anymore. It's not a possibility. I calculated that I would be spending a total of 39.50/week on this internship, excluding food. That's a $158.00 a month just on transportation. There is no compensation for travel and my days off would be obsolete.
I have made a mistake in taking this internship. I am confidant about this. If this was a year ago, and I had not had my internship with Lenny or with The Crazy Lady this opportunity would be perfect. But as I was sitting there in the small cramped office, I realized that I am no longer the girl I was a year ago and that this internship can not offer what it did then. And because of this, I have to break up with it before I am in to deep.
I hate making decisions, and I have never felt so bad about about finally making one. But I can't waste his time, my money, and someone else's opportunity. Right?
Fucking Eh, my stomach hurts. I am suppose to show up on Thursday at 11am but I feel, I mean know, that I have to do this now. Or I will stay only because of guilt. Ugh, I hate being an adult. I hate it.
Anyway
MixCD Extravaganza is now closed! I will send out my address tomorrow (via email) to those participating. I have had fun making the Cd's and composing tracklists. There is an art to it that I am still trying to get the hang of. Some have been easier to make than others, but I am on my final run of things and these puppies will be sent out this Friday! Excitement bound.
Time to break up with my internship. I wish someone else could do this for me, while I play the Sims. I'm just saying.
2 comments:
Ack. fiscal responsibility sucks. Especially since this seemed like an okay internship. But I also think you're right: you're overqualified. Have you been sending out your resume for Real Jobs? or even junior Real Jobs (i mean super-entry-level but still paid)? I think the time has come for you to blanket the city with resumes and brilliant cover letters. You've got a year of intern experience at two different places, plus a year of full time (or nearly full-time) work. Not to mention the Mix Cd experience. I say - fire away with the applications. cast a broad, wide net and see if you catch anything. The job market sucks, but that doesn't mean nothing will happen. My sister starts a new job tomorrow, as a very lowly writer for a very local newspaper; and she's been out of real work for a year and a half. so your time is coming soon. you just gotta get a zillion applications out there. I know! you can listen to your new mix cds and review your resume and search job listings! the CDs will take the pain out of the process.
Good for you. An adult knows when to say 'no thank you' and doesn't suffer in silence out of courtesy. You're becoming an adult!
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