In Retrospect

I'm 23. It's New Years Eve and I am watching the Jersey Shore on MTV. There is something not right about my life.

As we are about to enter 2010, I cannot help but think about the last ten years. On this day, I was 13 years old and in the eight grade. I was friends with Marie, Melissa, and a boy named Aric. Most likely, on this night ten years ago, I was sitting in bed preparing to watch the ball drop on television.

It was 1999. Everyone was still sort of into the Backstreet Boys, the Matrix was HUGE, and damn it all to hell I loved me some Jason Behr. It was also the year where everyone in my school thought the world was going to end. Because of Y2K and all. I remember the week before the new century, my friends and I were hanging out at school and everyone was saying goodbye to one another, but with that hint of 'seriously, this may be the last time I see you'. We had no idea what was in store for us, and sometimes I still don't think we do.

At 13, I thought I was going to be a doctor. Graduate from Michigan University, and be living with Jason Behr in our soho loft. I can't say that I though I would be here. Where I am now. I am not sure yet if that is a bad thing or good thing.

Currentty I am 23. I want to be a television producer. Everyone is sort of into Lady Gaga (who I do not, will not understand). Star Trek was HUGE, along with The Hangover. And I am all into some Sufjan Stevens. I am still friends with Marie, though I didn't stay friends with anyone else from middle school or high school. The world has not ended, I have graduated college, and ventured into the real world...all seems different and yet exactly the same.

Goodbye 2009!

I had tentative plans for tonight. The guy at work I call Toaster, invited me over to his place for a movie and drinks with his girlfriend and other friends. An hour ago, I got a call from another friend inviting me to a hotel party thrown by someone at work who didn't invite me. The latter invite sort of pisses me off seeing that I considered the party thrower a friend and am kind of confused as to why he neglected to tell me about said party the last time he saw me.

I declined both invitations. Both because I am still sorting out this being around a lot of people thing, and because I wanted my own little thing to be going on. Even if it was with a small group of friends. If Angie were still here, we would have done something small. A few friends, a lame movie, and vodka lemonade. That would have been fun.

If Marie were here, we would have ventured outside. Embraced the crowd before retreating, drank some drinks, danced some dances, and laughed. I think. I hope. I don't particulary mind being by myself on new years eve. In all honesty I have never had a 'proper one'. This doesn't mean that i am content with spendng every new years eve like tonight. I would like to be involved in some activity that doesn't include a solitary one, but that's the least of my worries as I welcome 2010 in with the biggest slice of pizza in the world and now Family Guy.

A lot has happened in ten years. Some things I'd rather forget. Others I still hold onto with all of my might. I am not going to make any resolutions this year (or the next, or the next or the next) because they seem a little contrite the older I get. It's a new year and all, but I'm the same person and I am hoping that that person propells me into an amazing life, with amazing friends, and a job where I don't have to help people find books they won't read anyway.

Happy New Year.