Retail Hell!

I have a Sunday off? Is this really happening? I am really in bed, typing away on my laptop, listening to an amazing (amazing. seriously.) mixcd surrounded by books I have yet to read from the library. Yes. I. Am and if my suckass job calls I'm not answering, because I'm not on the schedule and no I don't want to take another shift. You can't make me.

This Christmas was hell in retail world. I have almost lost my shit 3 times towards ungrateful customers. Yesterday a guy accosted me because I didn't know what book he was asking for. He didn't know either and the only 'clues' he gave me were: It was written by a reporter, it was (but is not currently) on the new york times bestseller list. When I asked him to give me a little more information he informed me that he could find someone else to help him because I wouldn't know this book if it hit me in the face anyway. So he turned to someone next to me (Virginia, who is much older) and asked her to find the book on the same clues. Like a scene from a slacker isque movie, she shook her head and said "no haven't heard of that book. Sorry" and walked away. I love her.

A week ago I went on another interview with the Nonion. I honestly don't know how I got this to happen. I quit the other internship in hopes that the Nonion internship would open again and that I could apply. I was not expecting it to open the day I wrote my dear John letter, and 5 days later I was sitting in the Soho Loft of the Nonion, gripping my resume and trying to stay focused.

Unlike the last interview, I KILLED this one. It was so good. The Guy, was late by 15 minutes and then just as I was about to sit down he got an urgent call from one of his interns. He apologized profusely for being late and then having to deal with this current thing and then ran in the other direction. Ten minutes later he came back, and promised that he wouldn't run off again, and after that I had the one of the best interviews of my whole entire life. Seriously

This time I prepared for the interview. I even half-heartily came up with an answer to the "where do you see yourself in 5 years" question. I was interviewed by the same guy, but if he remembered me he didn't show t. It was as if I had a Do Over. Those usually don't exist in the real world, but I had a sense that he had no idea who i was and this made me feel GREAT because he doesn't need to remember the incompetent girl he interviewed 3 months ago.

As I was preparing for the interview the night before I put into perspective the things I have liked and disliked about this year. I hate retail, I liked my internship with Lenny (despite not learning anything) and I didn't dislike my publishing internship but I don't want to go into publishing. At All. I need a balance of creativity and structure. When I was a kid my brother and I use to come up with various story ideas. This was when my brother utilized his ability to draw and I utilized my ability to write. They were Tiny Toon isque stories (outside of the super hero one we created called SUPER BIRD) but we were in depth. We would set up a studio in the living room, draft character profiles, and write some off the wall story lines. It was great.

I mean my mom still talks about those days. Morgan and I still talk about those days, and even now as 'adults' we do smaller less intensive story development sessions. I thought I wanted to be a doctor growing up but only because I like helping people. I thought I wanted to go into publishing, but only because I like reading and writing. But the more I get involved with production, the more I want to be apart of that world because I am good at creating stuff. I am good at organizing a small group of people, coming up with ideas and then seeing that idea to completion.

That's what producers do. I love producing, holy mother of saint stephens, that's what I want to be when I grow up: A supervising producer for a major television network for or on specific shows that I have either developed or am lending some creative input to. As a writer the supervising producer would work with other writers on the pre-production aspect of television development. I would be like Tina Fey in 30 Rock! That's what I want to do, that's what I want to be. Oh Yeah.

And this is what I told the guy at the Nonion (well not the Tina Fey thing). And he believed me. And I believed me, because it wasn't a lie. It is the truth, a truth that took me 23 years to discover. So after we finished our interview he said he wanted me to meet someone else! Her name is Liz (like from 30 Rock. Sorry but Ilove that show) and she works in research and development at the Nonion. 10 minutes later I was sitting down with her discussing my future aspirations. So I went on TWO interviews in one day. I feel really good about this. I may have an internship with the Nonion, getting me one step closer to the career I never knew I wanted but glad I stumbled across.

Writing is who I am. But I need a job, and a career to make it as a writer. I mean I worried that being surrounded by writing would deter me from doing so (publishing world) but being able to be creative in another way will be amazing. I should hear back from the Nonion after the Holidays. Fingers are still crossed

Now that I know what I want to do, and who I want to be working at the bookstore is more painful then usual. I have been there a year and a half. I have made friends and great contacts, but damn it all to hell, retail is miserable. The pay sucks, the hours are either too long to too short, and the customers are dreadful....dreadful. Though I continue to smile and be polite, I am over customers treating me like a third grader. I want to curse out all of them and throw it in there face that I am not the imbecile but I can't, so I don't and then I go home and sulk about it for days.

Not today though. I have it all to myself. I might clean my room, or read one of the many library books I have. I will definitely be listening to my amazing mixcd (seriously. how?), and chilling out in my room. I can't wait for this year to be over. Can't wait. I have a list of things to do to make it here and become the producer I never knew I wanted to be but that I am glad I've decided to become.

And guy who was mean to me yesterday. You suck!
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