Le Sigh Part 2.

I'm not sleeping well.

I had some coffee about three days ago which completely messed up my sleep schedule. Because of this I have been more drowsy then usual. Even sluggish. I am now cursing the fact that I even wanted coffee in the first place, while my body tries to find it's stride again.

The days are whizzing by on my end. I can't believe that Halloween is on Sunday and then that Thanksgiving will only be four weeks away. I plan on heading home, which means I must also plan on being broke for a while but it'll be worth it.

When I graduated from school I promised my mom that I would always come home for Thanksgiving and July 4th. So far I have been able to keep this promise without too much trouble. To be honest being home for those two holidays are more for my sanity than my mothers.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's one in which we all participate in without fighting. My brother even joins into excitement of the day, coming down from his room (because yes he still lives with my mom) to check up on how the food is doing. Then we will play Rock Band or some other game in the living room while my mom listens to music and cooks her heart out.

And I come home for July 4th (or the week around July 4th) to spend time with them and remember my nephew. It's as simple as that.

In the past week I have met several southern transplants here. I admit I hated living in South Carolina. Outside of my mom and brother being there I have no intention of ever moving back to the south. Don't get me wrong. The land is beautiful. The clouds down there reveal heaven. And coming from a person like me, you know that means something. I enjoy the warm weather, and the slow days and the country. But that's about it.

That doesn't mean that I don't hold a soft spot for the south however. Anytime I met someone from Tennessee or North Carolina all I want to do is talk about how different it is here. I want them to remind me of home because some nights I miss it.

Pretty Ricky is from Alabama. I found this out a few weeks ago and for some reason we have bonded over our 'southern roots'. So yeah he is a pastor. And yeah I have had very dirty thoughts about him at work (he came in the other day from a youth ministry meeting and was very a motherf*cking bowtie. I had to do everything in my power not to...well you get the picture), but when we got into a discussion at work with Josh who said Virginia was 'country'; we quickly bonded together and said 'you don't know country until you've driven through a town with one stop light'.

Ricky then added: 'stop lights, in Alabama some of the roads aren't even paved...yet'.

I kind of heart him, just as much as I sometimes heart being home in South Carolina.

On Monday at customer service, I helped a boy from Louisiana. The moment he walked up to me i was like 'cute. very cute' and then he told me he moved to New York after graduating school and couldn't find a job. To which I quickly added 'cute and ambitious'.

We spent a good while talking. His accent was very southern and he wanted to know how I got rid of mine (yeah. I didn't mention the whole born in new york thing). He said he had no intention of ever going back to Louisiana, though he could get a job back home quicker then one here: "but it wouldn't be what I wanted to do" he said " And it sure as hell wouldn't be where I wanted to live. Feel sorta stuck sometimes".

I kind of wanted to kiss his face here. I mean holy hell, I have a tendency of thinking I am the only one struggling to make something for myself here. And here he was, with very nice green eyes and an accent that was not annoying, saying the same thing I have felt. And despite wanting to grab him by the collar of his jacket and smooch his face to death, I refrained and admitted that I too was in the same boat.

"same southern boat"

I knew this would have been the best time to introduce myself (we were really hitting it off) and ask if he lived in the area. But I didn't. Instead I wished him good luck and then watched him walk out of the store.

It's was weird. Talking to him made me feel....at home. And this had nothing to do with my attraction to his face. I realize that I gravitate towards people who aren't from here. Who are doing the same thing I am, in an attempt to not settle for small town living. It's a fear of mine to be honest. There are two types of people who come from small towns. Those who don't plan on ever leaving and those who can't imagine staying.

And despite my attachment to the south. Despite the clarity of mind I get when I am home and am around farm land, blue skies and lazy southern mornings; I don't find myself wanting to go back. I want to visit. I want to stop in and say hello. But I want to make something of myself here, just to prove that I can.

Just like cute Louisiana boy with the deep accent and green eyes.

I just want to prove to myself that I can do this. To take a chance of leading an extraordinary life just because. And I have a feeling that all of these transplants I have met are doing the same thing. All in very different ways but with the very same intention. And I am not looking to lose any of the things that were nurtured in the south. I am not looking to be someone different. I, like Pretty Ricky and Louisiana and every other young transplant here, just wants to function and live outside of the unpaved roads of small towns.

Anyway.

I should try to get some sleep. I am not the best person when i am drowsy and the fact that I have to close tonight will not help at all. It is raining something beautiful here which will induce sleep better than any medication.


Remind me not to drink coffee anymore. Last year it gave me something flu like. Now it is depriving me of three days worth of sleep.

Le Sigh.