Typical vs. Me

The other day my friend from work, Evan, made me a MixCd called the Macho Manly Mix. Yeah he is not really that great with titles but whatever it was very nice of him.

Evan, the object of Kat's obsession, just returned to the states a few weeks ago from a weird survival retreat in South America. I've been calling it the 'retreat only really wealthy young people can take' because let's be honest for a moment. I have never been in a position where I can go on a retreat (spiritual or survival isque) just because I want to.

In any case, when he returned with a grizzly man beard and thinner I knew that I wanted to make him a Mix. Especially because I'd been such an ass towards him this summer. Especially during our Nerd Day Extravaganza in the city.

I compiled a bunch of songs that came out during his 4 month absence and gave it to him a week ago. He really liked it and in turn made me a mix. I spent the whole weekend listening to it, trying to find the time in my recently hectic schedule to listen to each track. And it's pretty manly. Johnny Cash, The Clash, some guy named Jamie T. The Heavy. I could go on....

I was listening to his mixcd in the break room the other day when Blue came in and plopped down next to me. Me and Blue are doing okay. But I think that is the extent of our relationship. A lot of it has to do with the New Years Eve fiasco but mainly we haven't really taken our 'relationship' anywhere. We are a couple of confused people in a stalled car not really sure what to do next.

But I don't think he is on to this. I think he is just a 23 year old guy who still doesn't really understand girls. I don't think boys ever will. And I only say this because I don't think I will ever understand guys.

So as I am listening to my mix Blue grabs my ipod to see what I am listening to. I let him in on the fact that Evan made me a really cool mix full of manly songs and that it is pretty masculine.

Since his return I have put behind me any feelings of jealousy and anger towards Evan. I feel guilty about the month or two I spent giving him the stank eye.

Before Kat became interested in Evan, me and him we were pretty good work friends. We talked about music, books and television any time we got a chance to. He revealed his dyslexia to me and I revealed my anxiety to him. We get along really well because while I am all sorts of anxious and self conscious he is the polar opposite yet patient. I like him in a platonic 'i think girls and guys can actually be friends' kind of way.

And their relationship sort of ruined it. Because Kat invested all her energy in making sure Evan was her 'friend' and not mine. It was brutal.

But that was the past and his manly macho mix was an ode to the mix I made him the week before and to our efforts to be friends again. Which is going well, I must say. His Macho Manly Mix helped a bunch. Being a boy is hard.

I say this to Blue in the breakroom and then we get into a not so intense conversation about gender; mainly girls and femininity and Blue said something along the lines of 'well you don't have to worry about that because you aren't a typical feminine girl anyway"

What could you mean Blue?

"I mean typical girls are complicated and moody. And drive us (guys) crazy."

Go on. Continue to dig your hole sir

"You don't want to be like that. You know, like a girl and all"

No Blue. Any way you put it I do want to be a girl that a boy finds attractive and complicated. I want to drive you guys crazy with my moody girliness. I don't want to be given a backhanded compliment from someone who acknowledges that I am a girl but not a typical one. And this is not a compliment. If I were to say 'don't worry Blue I don't really think of you as a masculine guy' he would have been up in arms. He would have felt castrated and emasculated. It works the same way for chicks.

When I hear 'you are not a typical girl' I think of all the depictions of the lonely girl who pines after her best guy friend as he pursues...well the typical girly girl. I think of the tomboyish chick who can carry a conversation with the guys but who always ends up never getting pursued by one. And sure most of the time the girl eventually ends up with a person who sees her for who she is. But damn it all to hell, for once I'd be okay being a single typical 20 something year old female. For once.

I sort of said 'thanks' with a questionable question mark at the end of the thanks but he seemed pleased with himself at his observation. And 20 minutes later he asked"why don't you ear earrings".

I said because my ear lobes are sensitive and earrings hurt.

He smiled and said:

See a typical girl wouldn't say that. You should work on that.

I'm starting to think that Blue may have a talking to girls deficiency. There can be no other answer.