Booksellers Lament

Dear Crazy Customer,

I couldn't care less that we don't have the magazine you read religiously, every month, on our shelf. It is not my problem, or honestly my issue, that you think our store has some secret agenda to make you shop elsewhere. I understand that you shop here EVERY day( i know because I see you. every. fucking day), and can NEVER find the items that you want. If we carried every magazine in the whole entire world, well we'd be a warehouse or Amazon.

The moment I sign out for the day, and put on my jacket and scarf, I am not a property of the store. Which means that while you can (but shouldn't) stop me on my way out the door, after a grueling eight hour shift, to bitch and complain and raise your voice to the point that everyone thinks you are yelling at me, to inform me that we, once again, don't have a particular item you wanted in the store..... I have every right to tell you to Go Fuck Yourself and shop somewhere else.

Well, that's what I'm allowed to say because I'm not on the clock anymore. Evident by the lack of name tag, interest in talking to you, and cell phone in my hand. But because I was too polite to say GO FUCK YOURSELF aloud , suggesting you shop somewhere else was totally in my means. Even if it was to get you the hell out of my face. Also suggesting that you find a store that meets your shopping needs was the bitchy way of telling you your mental and emotional needs need tending to before anything else.

Because why else would you stop me as I am mere inches from the exit, and freedom, to trouble me with an issue that doesn't concern me anymore? Did it look like I cared that we didn't have your magazine in stock? Hell, did the fact that i put on my headphones, not give you a hint that i was no longer interested in talking to you?

Of course not. Because not only are you crazy but you're an idiot that's why. And because you think those of us who work at Le Sad Store have a cot in the back where we sleep (because naturally we don't have lives outside of the store) you continued to 'talk loudly' as I nodded my head in disbelief.


You better be glad, the manager (who saw i was in some what of a pickle), came over to ask if you needed any help. You better be glad that my interview on Friday went sorta really well. And that I get this second interview you can bet my ass I am going to ace the hell out of it to get the hell away from customers like you. Because my patience of steel was beginning to give way after listening to you for 5 minutes.

I was, in all honesty, about to unleash a very unladylike verbal assault on your ears that would begin and end with me telling you, in not so pleasant words, that the next time you stop me for help and I am not clocked in, I will unleash the last three years of pent of frustration from dumb ass customer much like yourself from my little but expletive filled mouth . AND that if you EVER raise your voice to me, I will personalize find the magazine you want, make you buy it, and tell you to shove it up your ass.

Now, Have A Nice Day.

From,

Your local Sales Associate at Le Sad Store.