why i like Sean. I won't. I just wont.
The boy asks to come back to my house tonight so we can watch a movie with an actor I have the hots for.
I laugh and ask him if he's serious. He says "yes. I just want to watch this movie with you".
And because i am me, i tell him that tonight won't be a good idea. My room is a mess (the truth) and that im tired (a lie). He looks disappointed but accepts my rejection.
I tell him though, that if he is still up for it tomorrow we can watch it after work. In my room.
What the hell am i doing with this boy. What is it in him that i so desperately think I want. Sometimes I think i just want him to be my one big mistake. I tell myself that he will for a moment make things better. And i want to be near him. All the time. And I want him to be near me all the time.
And i know this is one big fucking mistake. But i love the feeling i get when i'm around him. It's nothing new or special. It's just comfort.
Le sigh. What the hell am i going to do if he actually does come over tomorrow. How will i react with this boy in my room. I'm freaking out a little.
3 comments:
I know there's nothing I can say to make you not do what I think you're going to do with Sean. Le Sigh. It's like watching a train-wreck in slow motion. If anything, please watch an independent film that portrays the realities of having ahem relations with someone who may or may not care for you, but is definitely immature, self-absorbed, uncommitted, dating someone else and kinda mean.
It's possible you'll just have to get him out of your system, even though you may never get him out of your system. He could be one of those people who are always going to have an effect on you, whether you date or don't date.
If you do hang out, take it slow, and probably tell somebody (Kat?) what's going on. It's usually a good idea to have a girl who knows what you're up to when you're heading into a situation you're not quite sure of. Not saying anything awful would happen, but since you don't fully trust Sean, it probably makes sense to avoid a situation where you two are the only ones who know you are together.
so...did he come over ?
Post a Comment