Sorry about my "i'm frustrated"post yesterday(i am feeling way better today). But damn sometimes the bastards, though you don't want them to get you down, do. Like people's whole purpose is to make you feel like crap so they can feel better about themselves. Marie called Tuesday night. Now after the whole "slapping the guy in the woods" incident and her calling me because she was feeling bad, i thought the rest of her calls would be to just talk. I mean that's what friends do. They talk about problems, or school, or work, their lives. yadda yadda. And to be a "good" friend i figured i would pick up the phone and talk to her since i hadn't in a while.
As i stated before Marie...is not the nicest girl in the world. People just dislike. I dislike her. She's loud, she is hardheaded, she is stubborn and everything. But then there are times when she is completely loyal and real that i almost feel indebted to her. Because out of everyone she's like my only "friend". Though she is all those negative things, she talks to everyone, and whether or not they realize it, they sort of become her friend. As with the whole bowling situation, and me being dragged to some bolwing thing with her three main amigos, and me an outsider, she kind of has a tendency now to only talk about her new friends. Like our converastions can be about dogs, and all of a sudden she will be like "yeah so i hang out every weekend....you don't hang out do you?"
Now i know that Marie isn't use to friends, to hanging out, and doing things on the weekend. I have no problem that she's excited about it. But i do have a problem when you throw it in my face. By repeating over and over again that i don't have friends. That i don't have a social life, and that she is doing all these things that apparently i'm suppose to want to do. Like she mentioned that she and her new friends are going to a Ben Folds concert on 11/29. Knowing that i like Ben folds
Marie: So do you know who Ben Folds is?
Me: Of course i do, i talk about him all the time.
Marie: Yeah well me and Friends are going to his concert soon, but i don't really know who he is
Me: okay?
Now we were talking about registering for classes when she came in with the Ben folds thing. Of course then we got to the whole "this weekend i am..." thing and she went on and on about how she has so much to do on the weekend and her and her friends sleep over on a couch in someone's house and have fun times.
Once again this was a tidbit she talked about while i was talking about the Conference i am going to.
So when i heard about the incident in the woods, and heard how upset she sounded on the phone i sent her an e-card that was just you know wishing her week was better. So i recieved one back a few days later and it was some card with a hot dude on it ,wishing me well to. So on the phone she asked if i had recieved it and i was like "yeah i got it thanks". So i'm thinking she sent the thing cause i sent her one....NO.
Marie: yeah well i was sending an E-card to Dani because she wasn't feeling good this week, so i just sent you one too because i had nothing better to do.
Who says that. what "friend" calls you to just talk about how much better her other friends are. After a while i just stopped talking on the phone. Everytime i got a word in about something she would turn it to a conversation about her new friends, adding in from time to time that i don't have anyfriends. She then tells me that they are going skiing this winter, and that i could tag along with them. At first i was like "Thats cool", but once i hung up the phone i realized how stupid it would be to go on a trip with 6 people who know each other while i'm in the corner sulking. I imagine it's just some ploy to make me feel bad. Like she wants me to be the outsider, so she can show me how much fun she is having with her new friends. So whenever i talk to her again, i am taking a stand and telling her that i'm not going, because i think i will be the 3rd wheel, and i'm not into feeling like that anymore.
She makes me mad, because she does it on purpose. Call me to talk about whats going on in your life, call me to talk about school, even your friends if you want, but don't call me to tell me that i don't have any friends. If they are so great, why don't you tell them, instead of telling me. So for the whole next day, i was in a sour mood. Not because i don't have any friends, just because i meet crappy crappy people, who seem destined to bring a person down, just when they are feeling okay with there direction in life.
So i'm not answering any phone calls from her anymore, and i have been ignoring her on IM. Yes she is 100 miles away, but still that's what she gets for being a horrible frined.
Today was better. The end of the semester is almost to a close, and the wrap up crap is here. Basically the professors overwhelm you with a crap load of material that is due, or stress the importance of doing well on the last test before final exams approach. Like patients in the pysch ward you can see stressed out college students scramble to study all onc can possibly cram in without totally going insane. I am one of those students. I am just so ready to go home, i can't look at another chemisty problem without calling it stupid and hoping that it burns in chemistry hell along with math as well. I've meet with almost all my teachers to either get feedback on how i can do better, or simply to just get pointers for future use in classes. I had a talk with my English teacher about 2 weeks ago. She says that i have an old soul and my writing is "poetic", and that i think beyond my years and have not learned the structural way to put it down on paper gramatically right yet. Makes sense i guess.
Would write more but there is test i need to be studying for.
I was recently reminded that i have not talked about something very personal on this blog yet. I may have lied when i said i wasn't in a relationship...because i kind of am. We have been dating for a while, though we haven't seen each other much of late due to my frustration with him and my ability to draw any inspiration from him....
Okay so it's my Violin, but damn i hope i had you fooled there for a second.
So for all those who are interested. I have played the violin since the 4th/3rd grade. I wanted to play the saxophone because well...everyone wanted to play the saxophone, it was like the hot shot instrument, plus the boy i was crushing on at the time played the trumpet, and i wanted to be in the band with him. They were all full up though, and they only other instrumental thing still offering classes was the orchestra. I wasn't to happy joining, but from the time i picked it up, my long love affair with it began. More on that later, i don't play in an orchestra anymore(due to crazy teachers who throw chalk and chairs at students), though i still pick up the bow from time to time and play.
Back to Chemistry.
5 comments:
Yes first Comment Score baby!!
Social Complexities in life will always be just that. Complex. You don’t want to piss someone off yet you also don’t want them to grow to attached and dependant on you for everything.
Of course how and where this comes into play is left up to the person interacting at that moment.
Reminded of a Personal, thing eh ?
Although this is a "personal" online journal, we all have to have our secrets. There are very few who know everything ive done. And I like to keep it that way.
We all have to have our own privacy even if that is at the expense of someone’s acknowledgement, if that person does truly care, they will understand.
i now realize that i don't mind being so personal, just with the violin i never talk much about it, probably cause playing it "was" and is so dear to a time when i was probably the most happiest in my life. When i quit playing it was kind of like the end of that chapter, and trying to explain it is pretty hard because you have to go back mentally to that place. But with that...it is something that i want to share, cause it meant alot. Now talking about the time i climbed roofs as a past time when i was younger, probably will be shelved in the "things i won't go into to much detail about" section =).
didn't mean to open a violincase of worms....just re-read your profile and you mention violin prominently and.....(i'm sure you've seen the red violin. it's one of my favorite movies).
hey, this weekend i'm reading my friend beckett's blog!
marie has a double identity, i think; she is also my "friend" veronica. does marie go missing for long periods of time and come back talking about pittsburgh?
since i keep everything pretty well bottled up in real life, my blog is where the personal all comes out. there's not much i won't put there (i skip graphic discussions about sex, though; who wants to read that?)
anytime you need a proofreader please feel free to ask me. i'd be delighted. my grammatical structures rock!
no worms opened here =). I just keep forgetting to write about the big pink elephant in the room, plus i really want to talk about my playing, and glad you brought it up.
I think Marie has a lot of identities, though she hasn't talked about Pittsburgh yet, if she does though, i'll make a mental note. She reminds me of Mike alot, like those two would make a perfect fighting couple and at least would leave me alone.
There's not much i won't write about either, sometimes i feel like i have to much to say, and by the time i get to writing it down, i totally forget. I'm an open book though, this blog is my oasis away from the tough days so i spill the beans pretty much here.
Your proreading skills may come in handy in the next 3 weeks. My english teacher pretty much wants us to revise the mess out of our essays that are due in Dec.
That's just plain weird ... Who does that?!
Anyway, Ben Folds is cool. I've caught one of his concerts over here and was more than impressed.
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