Time is Not on my side.

Jeez, in less then 5 days i have to comprehend spanish to have a 7 minute conversation with my spanish teacher, to let her know that i learned something in the class. I guess i have to know more than "Me nombre es Beckett", and move on to the big league things such as "when is your birthday", I'm confidant that i can do it, but damn my head is hurting a little with the crunch time that is persistantly smacking me in the face. My calendar(filled with James Dean pics) isn't helping to much,with my "hair pulling" stress level of trying to get good grades, as it is filled day after day of "test", "paper due" and other such citations. Not even Gavin Degraws face, can calm my stress down, and so i have indulged in high levels of Comdey Central nights. South Park, Reno 911, and John Stewart's (and Stephen Colberts) face are the only thing keeping me from yelling at my text books.

We had our in class essay for English today. I wanted to say i spent the whole night writing up this great outline, so when i came to class i would somehow perfect this truly great concept that i had. Not the case. I spent 15 minutes on the outline, while watching America's Next Top Model, and then Trading Spouses. Damn my slackerness is killing me. I may have written about an extremely smart girl, Katherine, who was in my English class last year, who i still see everywhere i walk down the street. She's amazing. She's smart and funny, and had completely in a sense taken me under her wing. What i may not have mentioned about Katherine is that she isn't your typical collge sophomore. First she's like 26, she has two kids, a husband, and a housekeeper. She's had a pretty rough life, i think her child was born with some kind of disease, they thought he wouldn't live, she had him pretty young, and all this other traumatic stuff. But it takes a rare person to come back to school, later on in life. Especially someone trying to go to med school.

So walking down the street we spotted each other, chatting like girls chat. She makes me see how much of a slacker i am, i mean i don't have a kid (thank god, not thats there's anything wrong with having kids, just that right now...no way) or husband, or any real life situations that would make it hard for me to be in school. And she's making all A's, managing her life, going to be something extremely great, because of the hard work she puts in. And yet i'm happy just to get a B in a course, yet alone get an A. I have to get my life into some sort of order, i worked to hard to get to this place, where my dream is staring me in the face, to let it fall out of my hands because it's a little harder than i thought it would be.

I'm starting to learn that we are the situations we create for ourselves. I mean, i guess in some way if i truly wanted to be happy and content than i would be. Among all of these people i would find a place for me. But i don't want to get comfortable, because getting comfortable just gets you stuck and stagnate in a place. And i don't want to become so content with where i am, that i refuse to move forward, especially when i know there is something more for me. I guess i'm just afraid that i will live this existence of never being comfortable because i always assume there is something better, but in that i may let something grand slip away from me.

Maybe i'm just tired and jabbering away, maybe it's because the stupid cable in my dorm has went out and now i am stuck watching a show in Japanese(it has subtitles though, it could be worse), or maybe i'm just realizing how quickly life goes by, and that though there is room for mistakes, it's much smoother when you have a path.

I don't get the plot of this crazy show.HELP!!!! TV please come back to me.