Shooting Rubberbands At the Stars

I guess it's still embarassing to admit that at 19 i still cannot go to sleep on Christmas Eve. Though i know the presents under the tree are things me and my mom wrapped for decorations, i still have that ansy feeling that keeps me up at night.

When i was younger, i would go to sleep real early, believing that the faster i fell asleep, the sooner morning would come, the sooner i would open my presents, and all would be right with the world.

Though the excitement of waking up real early to run downstairs and open the presents under the tree has pretty much died out, along with many other things, i still kind of feel sad about not being so enthused about the holidays. I think this time of the year is based on your belief of the holiday spirit. The belief that you will have a white christmas, that miracles are bound to happen, that you will share the fondest times with the people you love, and that it's a "Wonderful life".

I guess you have to carry the spirit with you, i'm starting to think that its not about getting sad because you realize things about the holiday and your life that can be a downer. But more that as you get older you either keep the spirit of the holidays alive, or let it go like a friend you just stopped talking too.

I guess because i am looking at the bed, wanting to go asleep so i can wake up and it will be christmas, still shows that the holiday spirit is still in me. That even though i have to remind my mother to decorate, and have to get Morg excited about the feast, if not the presents, we can look forward to...i'm still excited about christmas. Maybe i just still believe that i will wake up to a white christmas, that for one day we can be happy that we are togther, that miracles are bound to happen, and that it's a "Wonderful Life" after all.

So what do i want for Christmas:
Selfishly:
-Dead Like Me DVD
-Ipod
-a new camera
-and possibly clothes

Unselfishly
-Fresh coat of snow
-Morg to talk to our father on the phone
-For my mom to get a call from an old friend
-Smiling faces all day long(with no arguments)
-For Charlie Brown to have a really good christmas and get a new tree
-For Ralphie(a Christmas Story, the greatest christmas movie ever) to finally get that Red Ryder BB gun he's been asking for all christmas (you'll shoot your eye out kid)
-For Kevin to finally have christmas with his family, instead of being left to fend off crooks home all alone.
-And for Rudolph...you go kid.

But mainly i hope that everyone has a really good christmas. Smile, laugh, eat lots of food, and enjoy all of it.

For me i will lie in my bed, still suffering from the "christmas is tomorrow" insomnia. If all else fails, shooting rubberbands at the stars isn't so bad.