"It's a Leaf People"

My Genetics teacher looks kind of like Jerry Garcia from the grateful dead

Genetics teacher: So I was at home way day, and I saw a potato, so like most people I decided to grab the potato, poke toothpicks in it, and submerge it into water
Class: ?????
Genetics Teacher:[awkwardly laughs] So after a while the potato started sprouting leafs. I mean like little leafs, it was...like....amazing.
Class: ??????
Genetics: Like It's a leaf people, that sprouted from this potato, thats like AMAZING. I mean I was like Amazed, and I don't mean to be getting so excited but A LEAF...from a potato.
Class:????
Genetics: Guess it's not so amazing to you though. What was I talking about again.

Today I almost fell asleep in Psych. I mean my head was so far over the seat, I almost fell out. This semester is looking pretty easy, which is a great opportunity to pull up my GPA. History is the only interesting class. Spanish is kind of crazy. But Psych, Engl, and Genetics, and pretty much sleeper classes, and I struggle to stay awake.

I always had this notion that I was meant to be the smart arty girl. I mean most arty girls are usually the ones who do art, take photography, paint, but I write and I always thought that constituted some arty badge or something. But on the totem poll I think writers are way on the bottom of the list when it comes to those pompous art people who won't talk to you unless you wear tight pants, a indie tee, and unfortunately have an iPod. But still I retained some hope that I would be that girl. Who was fabulously artsy, and had the knowledge to back it up.

I take it back, I don't want to be that girl anymore.

As the drool almost fell from my mouth today, I had a big epiphany, among the 300 or so people in packed lecture room, with no air conditioning, listening to a teacher go on and on again about how shitty of a career psych majors REALLY have(okay she didn't say that, but basically you can be a counselor. Psychiatrist are the real doctors.) I realized I hated this. I mean my classes consists of no challenge for me. I am bombarded with reading and writing and analyzing, but not really experimenting or problem solving, or getting my hands dirty with some lab rat I would be dissecting.

I HATE it. I realized, mid drool, that even though I complain about math, and chemistry and biology, and that they are all the devils, I really like it because it challenges me to solve problems. With chemistry it's about applying formulas mathematically. With Calc it's about graphs and cos/sin, and with Biology it is about concepts and how things work, how we work. And I LOVE that. I love that there is some answer, and if there isn't an answer there are means of experimenting to come up with answers.

I love that it's hard. And that I have to understand it fully to comprehend it as a whole. I love going to lab and applying what I learned in class to what I will do with my own hands. I love it all. In a couple ( and by a couple I mean a lot) I will hopefully be a doctor, and it's something that I great pride in wanting to achieve, but until today I didn't realize how much I wanted it. To be in a field in which I am capable of going into, as long as I put that hard work and dedication that goes along with getting there. If that takes studying until I can't study anymore, going to tutors, getting a study group, then i'll do it.

Because there's nothing more that I want than to be a doctor.

To be the smart geeky, science girl, instead of the smart arty one.

I once talked about needing a balance with my science and art world. But I assumed it was my love of the more creative side of me, that needed tending to. But it's not. It's my love of the Science side, that needs the small nurture of my art side. Art is clearly a extended part of me , writing in a journal, my stories, my screenplay (it's coming along pretty well).But It's the other side that I value more. The logical, the experimental, the formulas and concepts, that someone keep my passion flowing because they challenge me to push myself more than I have before. I've never been one to take it light, I like the pile up of work, I like the deadlines, I like solving problems. I like my science side, and want that to be my main focus. I miss all the course work. I miss talking about geeky subjects in public. I rather have that then anything else.

This all came about in a span of 90 minutes. I was almost pulling my hair out with sitting in Psych I was so bored. And I realized that I needed the challenge cause I don't know what to do with myself otherwise.

So next semester. After all my coursework for the summer, I think i'm returning back to Bio for a major. Psych is way easy, and I am drowning in how bored I am. I'm keeping the classes I have chosen for this semester, because I need to pull up my GPA, but I like being that science girl instead of the Arts and Sciences one.

I was wrong when I said this year was all about...what was it..."putting my hand into the fire" testing the waters, leaving the comfort zone. It's more about CHOICES, which I seem to be making a lot of lately. In my steps of declaring my independence, and finding my individuality, I have in the last week alone been making decisions that will affect my life. I'm not the best decision maker, a game of rock, paper, scissor is my way of making a decision. But part of growing up is being aware of the choices that will inevitably affect your life.

Life is like a Chain reaction, each decision will subsequently be shaped into how our life is lead. And life is surrounded around choices that should make you happy, that allow you to move forward. My first step in that, is letting go of the assumption of who I "want" to be and realize who I "am". Of fully embracing the person I have become, instead of the person I think I should be.

That is what I learned today. While I was rolling my eyes endlessly, during psych. Midway through the professor wanted us to talk to our neighbor and come up with a question that we always thought about in context to how it applies to life and psychology.

I don't know why the hell she wanted us to do that, but I wasn't into it. It's a huge class, i'm sitting next to the Olsen Twins for christ sakes, it's hot, i'm tired, I want to go back to my room, the last thing I want to do is ask "Ashley" and "Mary Kate" next to me what "questions" buggle their mind. So of course the class erupts in a talk fest. I'm just trying to not chew my pencil in half, and keep my eyes open. The Twins( they aren't really twins of course, but girls seem to look alike now a days, ultra blond hair, American Eagle clothing. SCARY), are all "why are boys so stupid" "why do girls cry during movies" "Why does my stomach growl". I was pretty much staring off into oblivion. We were all suppose to work together, but since they knew each other, and I was sitting on the end of the row, I was pretty resigned to catch a sweet nap time.

Then the TA's came down the rows like a cheap Vegas show girls, to make sure we were all getting involved. Thats when Mary Kate or Maybe Ashley was all

"HEY!!! Do you have anything you want to add"

A small frown, a sharp NO comes a long way, and then they turned back into their own conversation wondering "how they had made it to college" I don't know.

I did make up a question though in homage to Mary Kate and Ashley

"Do people like the sound of their own chirpy voices in otherwise awkward conversation to validate their own self worth and existence among a crowd who could care less?"

I figure they will be my first case study.

So I am a science girl, whose arty balance will be in terms of writing in my journal, and stories, but as career, i just wouldn't be good at it.

Maybe my future Stedman(If Oprah can have one, so can I) will be arty. Cute arty boys are always a good balance. He can talk to me about this new song/poem/artwork that he created which was inspired by me, while i can discuss the further development in stem cell research, and my trying times at Med school.

That sounds like a pretty good balance to me.