Non-Buyer Buyers Remorse

I blame King Kong for this whole shitty weekend

OKay maybe i shouldn't blame it on King Kong. I mean he was just a 25 foot Ape who fell in love with Naomi Watts. He needs love too. Sure the "relationship" between Kong and Naomi was a little weird at times, but dammit he loved her, and she oddly enough loved him. Seeing Naomi manhandeled by an ape was pretty priceless though, even more priceless than seeing her pick the ape over Adrien Brody. Poor Adrien. I still love you, and your huge noise.

Lets face it, i'm a poor college student. I mean broke. I rarely have dinero i can spend freely. And when i do have it, i feel bad for spending it. My mom says that i am cheap. But it's not that. I'm afraid of not having money, of struggling like she does. So i keep it all. Every little bill that i have i eventually won't spend. Which is why i only treat myself to CD's and books.

This whole weekend was suppose to be the weekend of me spending some money. I had decided pretty much on Friday that maybe me getting a iPod wouldn't be the wisest investment on this much money. 300 for little ol' me is astronomical. i was opting for the 281.00 (thanks to Deltron) which was way sweeter than forking over 300 bucks. But somewhere along the line, i think my mom wanted to "watch" me spend the money,which is why she offered to pick me up this weekend, so we could go to best buy together.

SInce i wasn't ordering it, she said she would get me one for my birthday that is coming up soon, so that i could spend some money on things that i need, but would also by treats. CLOTHES. I'm in a tee and jeans most of the day, but i needed some new rock tees, maybe a pair of pants, shoes(maybe with a little heel) and so much lip gloss, i would be in heaven. I figured i could then treat myself to the Dead LIke ME DVD, i have been asking for since christmas, and a CD. I mean my mom and brother constantly rag on me about my clothes, so the one opprotunity that i have to spend some money so i wouldn't be wearing the same jeans since 9th grade, i was up for it.

My mom somewhere along the way home, kept talking about seeing KING KONG. Like since i was home for the weekend, and we haven't been to the movies for a while, we should go. I didn't want to see a long ass movie about some ape, but i can't so no to my mother. It's just not something i do. We didn't get home till saturday evening, so we were some how suppose to see KING KONG on Sunday, go get food for me to live off for til march, and then go to best buy.

Not what happened.

Movie didn't start till 2. Lasted 3 HOURS AND 15 MINUTES. By the time we got out of the place, shit was closing, we ran to best buy, where i drooled over the iPod i will be waiting for a month to get. I was suppose to get a VCR, because my TV is so old it doens't have the input/output things. So i had to buy a VCR to hook up to the TV and then DVD up to that. BONKERS. Because we were running so late i had to search Best Buy for one. So my mom, said "why don't you buy a new tv instead", as i looked back at the iPod and stared down at the stupid tv i didn't want, i started to frown. I didn't want a new TV, I barely wanted the VCR. I wanted the iPod, i wanted to buy myself a treat, cause i never get anything and once again i was being coerced by my mother to spend my money on something i didn't want. My moms not the kind of person who is like "you decide" she basically berades you on making the "SMART" decision and how "DUMB" it would be to buy something else. I mean only "DUMB" people do that. Yeah.

So standing there she was like the bullet to the gun, "get it, get it, get it, the stores closing, get it, if you put the Dead Like Me DVD back, you can get a new TV, get it, get it. Its the Smart Decision"

So what was i suppose to do, i relunctantly got the stupid televsion (and both the Dead like me DVDs i'm so excited about watching that all day today), and walked out of best buy unhappy. Blah. So thats not even why i am mad at my mom, i'm not that materalistic and worrying about some stupid thing like clothes.

After checking to see if any stores were open for me to get some juice for school( they weren't) my mom notice my sour face. I told her that i didn't feel comfortable spending money on that televison when it should have went to...i don't know....NEW PANTS. She went off. I mean like no else's business.

She was like (times for Caps Lock) WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING IN THE STORE. BECKETT YOU AREN'T A CHILD ANYMORE AND I DON'T FEEL LIKE I SHOULD HAVE TO HOLD YOU HAND ALL THE TIME. I MEAN YOU HAVE A MOUTH DON'T YOU. USE IT. GOD I FEEL LIKE I HAVE LITTLE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OFF." This was in public people.

I kept telling her to keep her voice down. That i was just saying i felt uncomfortable about my purchase. After that little blow out, i ignored her for the rest of the night, trip back to school, unpacking my stuff, to subway, and the awkward goodbye.

I mean it was a little harsh i think. A lot harsh. Whats even harsher is that i wanted to be like "i think there could have been a better way for us to handle the whole screaming at me in public thing. I know i'm not a little kid anymore, but i value your criticism and two cents to the point where i put them before my own. I need to stop doing that, but mainly i need you to support me in the decisions or indesicions that i make, and you not for you to dictate them to me. Thats apart of our relationship."

But instead i remained silent, which drives her crazy. I'm still pissed, not as pissed as i was since i am now watching DEAD LIKE ME, but damn...this weekend was bloody awful, and the drive here was freaking horrible. She's trying to make small talk, i'm thinking about how wonderful an iPod would have been at this moment...but such is life. Freaking disappointments beset by disappointment.

Today is MLK, and classes are out. in honor of him, the university has issued a service day, to be a tribute to the man who gave us life for unity. I'm not good with puclic service work, but i do plan to write a letter today in his honor. I was in a club called TEAM (teaching ethnicity to all mankind), so anytime i can honor someone who dedicated there life for others i take great pleasure in doing. So celebrate this day with friends, he worked hard so that we all could.

I wish all the time i had his drive, and voice to speak up like he did. I'm not really good at doing either of those. I think thats what he taught me most of all, that you have to speak up for what you believe in. That your voice is important, because it's the only thing we really have.

Thanks Martin

*Post-script* A wonderful ending , to this truly wonderful day (can't you taste the sarcasm.) Art boy seems to have found himself a nice ART GIRL. Who also happens to be my next door "neighbor"

Someone hand me the ice-cream and remote control right now.