"So You're Dot!"

I'm a dreamer...by nature.

In my mind I embellish events before they happen, which means most of the time I am disappointed by most situations, because they don't match what I had dreamt up in my mind.

It doesn't help when you've spent the greater part of your childhood acting your fantasies. I was the girl at the school yard, who wanted to play tag with a dramatic twist. Who thought vampires were real, prince charming was Jonathan Taylor Thomas(shame), and who dreamed of going to Australia, so I pretended Australia was our backyard. I of course brought along most of my friends for the imaginative journey, which were fun times filled by what we hoped would happen, but you soon learn that distinguishing between real and what you want to be real, are TWO different thing.

But last night, I was generally pleased!!!

Last night I went to the movie!!!!

I was so excited, I couldn't sit still. I'm still kind of excited about having had gone to a club (and boy) I have been avoiding last semester. It was a good thing Kay offered to go with me, cause I see I couldn't have done it on my own, and by the time 6:30 rolled around it was like a Michael Jackson Thriller video outside. The sky seemed to be red, and a small fog had developed. She was running a little late, and I was worried that we would walk in late, and make the whole thing even more awkward. She came at like 6:50, and by time we found parking it was 7:00.

Walking into the building I was hella nervous. Kay doesn't know I have a crush on him, so I was cracking jokes(re-telling the roach story) to her the whole way down the hallway, as to draw attention away from my buckling knees. The closer we got to the room, the heavier my steps seemed, though my composure was still okay, since Kay didn't seem to notice any nervousness. As we turned the corner, there he sat.

Now in mind, I was expecting him to have some radiant light shining over his head, as he leaned against the wall all cool and gorgeous. He would see us coming down the hall and instantly make eye contact with me. I would feel the chemistry between us, and be as cool as a whistle, witty, charming, coy smile, and then we would sit in the corner talking about movies or something like that, while I continued to brush the hair out of my eye, looking extremely cute and vulnerable. It would be magical and by the end of the night he would offer to walk me back to my dorm, but I would decline seeing that I had come with Kay, but leave saying we'd see each other around.

Not the case exactly.

As we turned the corner he(looking beautiful though) was sitting in a chair that was in the middle of the hall as we approached(there was no radiant light), and in my mind I was like "oh sh**, what do I do now", before we could even say anything to him, we noticed a big sign on the door that said "sorry, but the meeting will now be on the fourth floor." After doing the whole "now we have to walk upstairs" complaint, he said, "are you guys here for the movie club"(his voice is dreamy). I didn't mention that before this we were talking about Kays blood test that she had done that weekend(some kind of thyroid problem) so the conversation went kind of like this

Me: I guess we have to go to the fourth floor now
Art Boy: are you guys here for the movie club
Both of us: Yeah
Art Boy: Yeah I'm sorry about that but we didn't know there was going to be a class in there so now we have to meet on the fourth floor.
Me: it's no problem, thanks....So tell me about that Thyroid problem again.

Not the smoothest transition of conversation change, but I'm new at this.

So we head upstairs and soon after he's up there too. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be, I mean with Kay there it seemed like I was just going to see a movie, and not some scary ordeal I had imagined. He didn't really talk to me at first, I mean he kind of stood near us and was kind of directing his comment about "I'm sorry about this but they assured us there was not going to be a class in their when we signed up for the time slot, so now we have to wait until 7:30, to start the movie" to Kay. He seemed frustrated that we now had to wait 30 more minutes, but he remained calm and friendly. I wasn't really even facing him, I was turned to the side facing Kay, so I was kind of pretending like I was listening, when really I was like "don't fall, don't say anything stupid, say SOMETHING!". Then he asked

Art Boy: how did you hear about the club anyway.
[Kay looks at me...and then I speak]
Me: Well I received an email last semester
Art Boy: Yeah I was sending out a emails to a lot last semester
[Kind of crushed that special interest was not his intention in sending me an email]
Me: Just sounded interesting
Art Boy: Well my name is "Art Boy"(his name is just so stupid I have to spare him)
Me: I'm Beckett Hughes

after apologizing again for the inconvenience, Art Boy does this weird smile like he knows something about me.
Art Boy: So you're DOT.
I was confused for a small moment. I was like "did he just say I was Dot." And then I remembered that my facebook profile has a picture of the cartoon character Dot from the Animaniacs.
Me[laughing]: Dot? Oh yeah Dot. That's me. I'm dot
Kay: as soon as I saw that picture I was like "only Beckett would use that picture"
Art Boy: Well it's nice to meet you guys, sorry about the whole waiting thing, but we should get started in 30 minutes. Welcome to the club

And then me and Kay drifted on into our conversations. Art boy sat in the corner with the other 3 MEMBERS who showed up(about 3 other people came after, but it was still a pretty small group of people). In my discussion with kay though, I was very chatty and lively, and laughing, and of course from the corner of my eye, saw him glancing.

Unfortunately that was pretty much the extent of our conversation(hey it's better than a head nod). Thing about movie clubs is that there is no room for talking just watching. He looked extremely beautiful in this black dress shirt, and ruffled hair as he introduced the movie(the Asian movie that inspired Kill bill. LADY SNOWBLOOD). He was very cute as he stood up there, grabbing for words to describe his movie choice, and after me and Kay started laughing he laughed too at his sudden nerves, and sat down in the front.

And then we watched the graphic blood shooting movie, with a rape or two in it(kind of uncomfortable, and grossed out, but it was a good movie)

It was amazing though.The whole night was awesome, I had said more then 2 words to the boy I've been dreaming about, he actually seemed kind of nice. The whole thing was great though, I mean going to the movie club, hanging out with Kay, introducing myself (finally )to art boy, and at the end of the night feeling proud that I had gone through with it, and survived. And finding out that Kay is going to go with me every other Monday, because she kind of liked it too.

(Oh and thank god I didn't walk because by the time we got out, that light fog was now a heavy fog. And the creatures of the night were lurking in the shadows, I'm almost sure of it)

But.

Even though it was truly a good night(great night really), and even though Art Boy was cool and sweet and seriously cute. I don't know, it was like the mysticism of him was gone. It was like finding out Winona Ryder steals, or that Claire Danes takes people's boyfriend, or that Tom Cruise is a big freak. It was finding out that Art Boy is like... Normal. In a sense. Like there is no light radiating over his head, he makes weird faces when in concentration, he has the disheveled hair look down to an art, and when he laughs it's as if he knows an inside joke. And his cell phone ring is stupid.

Trust me these things only enhance his character(and I still like him), but it takes away from the mysticism a little. Takes him down from that pedestal( I kind of may have put him on), and now puts him on the same playing ground.

I expected to walk in, look at him, and have my feelings confirmed. That's how it was with "N", from the first day I saw him I knew that I was totally in "like" with him. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, I said it to the person standing next to me(breathless almost cause I thought he was so beautiful, talking about "N" here), I went away leaving with the feeling that we were meant to meet, and I did everything to get to know him, establish a relationship with him. It was like magic.

So I kind of expected that, to have my feelings hit me in the pit of my stomach. To take my breath away almost, but it wasn't like that, it was like "wow he's really hot, and nice, and goofy, but..."

Though he does know me now, and apparently has been curious about Dot for sometime, to register my name from a photo, I'm happy with where this all could go. Things are progressing. We know each other now, I'll be going to his meetings every other Monday(with Kay by my side), and maybe from there, something will happen. Maybe he will find me charming, maybe I'll find him even more charming. Maybe the feeling in the pit of my stomach will resurface like I want it to, maybe something will come out of all of this. Cause he's a great guy, and I think I'm a great girl, and maybe together we could be great. But I know without him, I will be okay anyway. Cause more than just saying hello to a crush, I put myself out there. Nerves and all.

I survived.

I'm conquering my fears one hard step at a time.

That has to mean something.

It does mean something.

And that's what made the night MAGICAL!!!