28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end.

THE END IS NEAR!!!

School is almost out.

But it's more like 3 weeks instead of 28 days, until school ends .

I notice that when things start to wrap up, is the time when i try to go all out, and conquer my fears.

It's like i get all ballsy(???). I thinks its just the life of a procrastinator. I kind of like the thrill of having to really work on a time crunch, to finish something at the last minute, to cross the finish line a mere second before the other player.

It was kind of refreshing to be without the internet. I wrote, I thought, I skipped and hopped(okay I didn't do that but still). It's surprising how much can get done when I'm searching the internet.

I guess to the more interesting news, I did make it to movie club.

Last Friday, I was convinced that I had to go. That nothing should stop me. I realize that the moment one things goes wrong, I hide away from the problem, or make excuses to not do something that causes me fear.

I don't know what it is about his kid. I don't know why I get the butterflies my stomach. Or why my mind goes completely blank when he is around. I've been crushing on him since as long as I have been here. I've admired from a distance, I have wondered what he likes to do, read, and what kind of pizza prefers.

I wonder what kind of boyfriend he would be. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder. At some point. Wondering gets to be annoying. I start to wonder so much, I actually start assuming. And we all know about the results of assuming.

I did put Art boy up on a pedestal. I still thinks he's lovely. And gorgeous. And tall. Crazy wavy hair. And what a smile. But...There is a point to every good thing.

I thought of all of this as I walked to the Art Building. I also needed the perfect pump me up song. I was listening to "Let Go" by Frou Frou, then for some reasons Queen "Don't stop me know." Listening to the lyrics though I think it may be sexual. I mean I want to have a good time Freddie Mercury, but not that kind of GOOD TIME.

Anyway, I almost turned back several times. My feet prevented me though. And I trudged on. When I got to the building, I almost got maulled by two large dogs. I have no idea where they came from, I guess they must have sensed I was going to walk back to my dorm, cause when I turned around the jumped in front of me, tongues wagging. I yelled, naturally, and then waited to see what they were going to do. They peed and then walked back to the man around the corner.

As soon as I got in the building, I got lost.

Seriously.

I was 15 minutes early, but spent the next 30 minutes walking past the same damn room. I thought he said the meeting was in room 249. There was no room 249. So I went to 239, which had movie seats, and a big screen. But no one was in there. So I headed up the stairs, down the stairs, in the hallway, in a room, only to end up 15 minutes late at room 239.

Of course it was just Art boy, His weird Art Friend, and this really nice looking girl. They invited me in, told me about the movie, said this was probably the extent of our group, and something else. Art Boy sat next to...I'll call her...Bio girl(go figure she's a 4th year bio major). They seemed really cozy. They were comfortable with each other.

I wish I could say I hated her. That she was just some eye candy, who didn't have a thought to her head. But she was actually pretty nice, and smart, and pleasant to be around.

So if they were good friends or romantically linked I don't know.

Of course I couldn't think of this as I was watching the horrific and gruesome Ichi the killer. Art Boy asked me if I had seen it, and when I said no, he did the diabolical laugh and went on to explain this was the most gruesome movie made in the last ten years.

GREAT.

And he was right. I felt comfortable through the whole thing, there was like 5 rapes and people getting sliced and diced and guts. My mouth open the whole time, I adverted my eyes, sat uncomfortably in my chair. Wanted to suggest watching a friendly foreign movie.

2 hours and a thunderstorm later. The movie finally ended. Art boy tried to explain what the hell we had just seen, I got up, thanked them all, and then headed out the door.

I was kind of freaked out walking home alone. Luckily Art boy and weird Art friend were a few feet behind me.

I don't know people. I like this kid, and I don't know why. I can't differentiate between if it's who is he, or what I think he could be. I'm a person who likes to be in the know, that I live more in the life of someone who spends the better part of her day assuming.

I need and want something more. I want someone to want me. I want him to make the first move, and let me know that he likes me. I mean not just Art boy, but any boy.

At this point he pretty much remains a crush. But I think that may be the extent of it. I'm kind of looking to be found and unraveled. I'm looking for someone to take the time to get to know me, who notices that I am completely awkward and won't make the first move.

Truth be told, if that person made the first move, I'd make one back.

I like when that happens. I can work with that. I can work with someone taking the time out to get to know me. I need someone to take the time out and get to know me. And until that happens, I don't want to settle for anything else. Even if he is tall, and attractive, and a hockey goalie. A goalie! Even if he does give me butterflies. And have amazing eyes. And did I mention he's a hockey goalie. Why does he have to be so cute!!!??!!

I need to find the boy who smiled at me. Now he was interested.

Next week is my next conference. BLAH....

Pre-med has been stirred up by drama, involving the two girls I went to the conference with last time. More on that later. Right now I have a date with cheese pizza, the close of the semester calls for major food intake. There goes my aspirations of being a ballerina right out the window.