Battlefield

I couldn't go to sleep last night.

Once again my insomnia is hitting me towards the end of the semester, along with nightmares, which make me even more reluctant to sleep.

They(the dreams) have been weird and convoluted, and I toss and turn the whole night, waking up with the "what the hell was that" feeling.

Last night as I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, which I seem to be accustomed to, listen to the songs of VH1 Classics, apparently it was 80's night.

"Love is a battlefield" came on, and for some reason I wish I had chosen to enter an easier workforce. I get those often, the people I have talked to, meaning Marie, also has that "I wish I could do something easier" deal. Of course she has been more successful than me in getting past the hard things.

I think it's a little different for kids who are the first going to college in there family. I know I feel a great responsibility in finishing college, yet alone going to med school. But there are some days when I just feel like throwing in the towel, heading off to who knows where, and having a different life. One away from books, and advisors, and everything.

It's so weird, if money weren't an issue and I could anything in the world I would still somewhere in the back of my mind want to be a doctor. But I would take my time reaching the goal, and become a writer, screenplay writer. I would travel and try to make a difference, I probably do a lot of dancing, maybe not in my frog socks, but there would be a lot of dancing in Spain or Tokyo, or Argentina.

I bet that would relieve all the tension. I bet that would ease all the nightmares, and tossing and turning. I guess the tension all comes from having to let go of some of those crazy aspirations. Oh...I'll still write screenplay, but for now dancing in Tokyo is off my list.

I've gotten pretty far in plotting out my future. Of course I notice how behind I am, and how much catching up I have to do. The summer schools in my town are messing me up. The times overlap, they offer one class which has a pre-requisite for a class they don't offer.

In all honesty, it would be easier just to take it here. But I now my mom would not like that idea, I don't even like it. So I just have to skate around some road blocks and do what I have to do. I'm not taking maymester. I figure I need at least one month to recover before jumping back into things like Physics. I am a least 2 semesters behind in pre-med courses. I have 2 chemistry to take, two organic, one biology, and 2 physics. That's 7 classes to fill in. I figure if I at take 4 of the 7, by the time I'll get back, I'll only have chemistry to worry about. So I'm going to take my last bio, 2 physics, and a chemistry. I know a headache waiting to happen.

But I'm getting somewhere, very slowly but surely.

I had to delete my post about Kay yesterday. I just hate writing about how much she sucks, and how much drama surrounds her life. Hopefully she won't freak out mid trip.

Okay I have to get back to work.