The perks of being 20

Ever since I turned 20, all I have been hearing is "I wish I could be 20 again."

It's kind of surprising that everyone I have met, that I talk to the most here at school, is 15-20 years older than me.

I think at first I was flattered, I mean they felt they could talk to me, despite all the other smart people in the class.

But now I realize how draining it is. That I just want to be a 20 year old, who doesn't have conversations about people's husbands and kids.

There is a secret journal that I read of a kid(whose 19) who takes pictures. He takes the most amazing pictures of his friends and life. You can see how much fun he has, that he's okay with being young, and partying and things like that.

He is envied because he seems to be doing more with his life than those who flock to that journal. Themed parties, trips to the beach.... I can't even put into words how amazing these photos are(it's effortless), along with this eye for photo he seems to have a thrive of life. A realization that it is okay to just be young.

It's so weird cause I talked about the past a lot. But in all honesty when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to be an adult. I hate that I do that. I always figure the next year will be better than this one, and then when that year comes I miss that I missed out on the previous. Even I sometimes give myself a headache.

But lately older people's issues have been driving me crazy, and I have the sudden urge to stop being so old in a way. I feel when I'm around Kay, I have to know everything. Clearly she is incompetent and has no idea what she is doing, and looks to me in search for the answer. The lady next to me in history, talks about how she has no time to make mistakes she is 40 years old and has to do what she has to do.

I realize what I am lacking is young people. I'm lacking being goofy, and playing video games, and deciding on the spur of the moment that I want to go to England. I missing out on the ability to do whatever I want. I mean I'm lucky, I have no baggage, except my own which makes the trip very easy.

I think I'm going to plan a trip. I think I want to go somewhere. I think I want to let my hair down(minus all of it the lady chopped off).

I want to be carefree, dramafree, I want to stop expecting things and just let them happy.

I want to hang out with new people who get my irreverent TV trivia. And who can work out with me in the gym for longer than 20 minutes, who cruises at night no where in particular. And maybe a party or two, but simply people without the baggage of having to call home, or leaving early.

Even though all the stressful of this last week has tested my mental strength, and even tonight as I finally make my decisions for what classes I am going to take next semester, in the back of my mind I have this intuition that things will be better next semester. I feel like the things that keep me contained in a bubble is being released, and I'm ready to just float, no where in particular, and luckily there is there no hard ground to bust that feeling at the present moment.

So I'm actually ready, to leave something behind in the face of something greater. About time.

Anyway.

We are leaving tomorrow at 9. What fun, 3 hours in a car with Kay. Yeah. I'll have my iPod though or at least pretend I am sleeping. Lately I have been cheating on Gavin Degraw with John Mayer. I know I'm just a skank but what can I say his mutant face while singing has intrigued me.

While cheating on Gavin Degraw I have also cheated on my usual oatmeal cookies with that creation above. I have been craving it for two days. Apparently they put new ones up everyday. When I went a couple of days ago they were flower cookies, and now a butterfly. I had to take a picture before I ate it.

Time to go to bed. I hope this inspiring uplifting feeling will benefit my dreams, I'm sick of the weird ones.