Long time Coming.

After months of listening to the same music in my iPod I have finally updated my once sorry excuse for a Ipod(musically) to a now stunning array of musical treats.

I must be the most indecisive person in the whole entire world, because every new Cd I bought would soon be followed by the statement "I am going to update my iPod today", but I never would, and would listen to another Enya song throughout my day. Thankfully I got some new Cd's recommended to me by wicked awesome friend, and my own picks that I loved, and my ipod was just waiting for me to update.

But it waited. And it waited. (I charged my iPod with a plug in charger,not the regular computer adapter, during this time). Until today, when I became fed up with listening to another Vanessa Carlton song. I wonder why it takes me so long to make a decision. Whatever the case I am happy with finally updating my iPod but I know later on I will miss some of my old songs.

Funny how music holds a special place in your life. I remember listening to Nirvana in the back seat of a car gazing out the window and feeling at one with Kurt Cobain and his lyrics. Or strumming along to my guitar(yes I had a guitar, but I broke the strings five days later and that was the end of my music career) to Joan Osborne, wondering "what if god was one of us", but most importantly I remember listening to Billy Idol and feeling like I could go rule the world with a snarl and a swagger.

But instead I am now sitting in a coffee shop listening to the melodic voice of Sufjan, sitting in a classroom listening to Imogen Heap, and working at my, low paying , job to mellow voice of Fink. Oh how the times have changed.

Today was therapy day. It has been my third session and I already feel like it is working. Sure I am still struggling to make sense of myself and where I am headed, but the path is becoming clearer and surprisingly I am doing much of the work. She is like the flashlight but I am the guide, she doesn't let me get away with ignoring significant details, and I connect the dots. My mood has been better lately, even with this extremely stressful weak, I have come up Okay at the end. A little bit exhausted but not defeated.

I am making more sense of my house. She wanted me to talk about the rooms, and all I could come up with were the rooms no one is allowed in. The basement, my room, and the attic. I figured each of them represent the body, mind, and soul. The basement being the mind, with boxes full of memories and past guilts, my room being the body, this inhibited, fun, functional being, and the attic being the soul a place of comfort and passion.

But I also talked about someone from my past who I do not even think I have mentioned on this blog. He is the bogeyman of my life, who for the most part remains locked inside my head. Sometimes I forget he was even a part of my life. He was simply erased from it, discarded into my box of memories that I have thrown down in the basement in th House of Anxiety. He was step-grandfather, and she thinks he may play a pivotal rule in my anxiety.

We will see what happens with that next time.

Anway

The other day you won't believe who I saw while coming back from the mailbox. With scraggly hair and confused look on his face as he was pointing to which area he and his friend should sit , was no other than...ART BOY.

You might be wondering why I have not mentioned him on this blog lately. Especially since I spent most of last year pinning over the uber sexy hockey player who I envisioned would be the one to pull me up from the storm. After removing him from this pedestal I put him on, I simply put my feelings for him in perspective diminishing my crush for him. And I also realized that making googly eyes does not spell true love.Plus I haven't seen him around campus that much. And he hasn't posted any meetings for the Movie club.

Other than occasionally seeing his face pop up on my facebook friends list he has been so far from my mind, I cannot believe he shrouded it for so long. So while heading to the library the other day, clutching the Cd that had just been mailed to me, I saw him from the corner of my eye. It was weird, we made eye contact for like 5 seconds, and I didn't get butterflies, I didn't feel like there was this...Connection that I so felt last year. He was just some guy, with unruly curly hair, awkward and tall, but no real significance in my life.

And with that I went on my way, back to work distancing myself even further from the idea of the guy I wanted him to be. It's weird, I expect and want love. Love would be nice. (except today when I was at the coffee shop and this couple were making out all over the place. I first saw them outside making out, and then when I went inside they come inside and continue their weird handholding, kissy face bullcrap. I nearly had to clear my throat so they would get the picture that I didn't really want to be a witness to their love fest. HOW RUDE)

I mean who doesn't want someone to think they are special and lovely and the one and only. But I'd like to not be the only one feeling those emotions. And i don't want some crazy dude who works on campus directing those feelings towards me either . I don't really want anything from love at this moment, nothing spectacular or even grand. Maybe just something secure and comfortable. Maybe someone who doesn't technically get my taste in music, and who I think is too into Cspan. Right now as a 20 year old, I'll take silly goofy comfortable dating, over head over heels love. I'll take mix CD's any day to a ring.A pet gerbil to the commitment of a dog. And conversations over the new James Bond over life changing decisions. Head over heels hurts the head(and i'm entirely sure it exist anymore) , and is a little to complicated for me right now.

Plus funny emails over the web always win this girl over than some mushy gushy stuff.

Speaking of, I received a email from a high school friend who I periodically keep in contact with. He was(and still is) hella funny kid from Boston. We bantered throughout highschool about the red sox and Yankees, and other very important things. So I was not surprised when I received a very odd video in the mail the other day that I have posted on my other blog. DO NOT WATCH, if you are at all offended by crude college humor. I apologize right now for my generations definition of humor and the numerous amount of curse words regarding well...Everything . Regardless of the disclaimer though, it may me very glad to know that despite our differences on which state is better, he thought enough of me to send my way.

Time to finish my chemistry homework, then anticipate THANKSGIVING, I am too excited for some real food when I get home. YEAH.