In Escrow...Again

My mom called me to tell me her trip is not going so well. She had hyped up everyone and every detail ( so that's where i get it from ) so much that those ideals could not hold up to her expectations.

Old friends are just that...new haircuts, added or lost weight, with new drama

Family...still doing as they have always done. My uncle is still a drunk, My dad is still in love with her, My aunt dealing with a teenager and a baby.

Needless to say she is ready to come home. Home? did I just call this place home? I spent so many years being angry with this place, that i hadn't realize it was slowly becoming a home. My mother didn't realize this either. But after a horrible date with the "can do no wrong" James, she has changed her mind. Changing mine along the way.

I am beginning to close up shop at that place that i call home. I'm packing the boxes of memories and "should of, could of," and am ready to move on. Its kind of liberating to write that, not as scary as i imagined it to be. Saying goodbye only allows me to usher in something else, something full of possibilities.

I always imagined that when we moved it was us who were left behind. I always felt bad returning because everything around me was new and different. But i hadn't realized until today was the we had changed also. We had grown and moved in different directions. And though my past will always be something i look fondly on, it isn't something i can return to.

This new fond...closure makes me feel a little brave about the future.

Even brave enough to make eye contact with Music Boy today as he nearly ran me off the sidewalk as i was freezing my butt off.

Scenario: Due to a mix up i ended up taking the wrong English class this semester. I have to take English Lit II and English lit I, i accidentally am in the English Lit II class though i haven't taken the first one yet. I mean it's not like it matters but i usually like taking 1 before 2.

If i would have taken 1 this semester i would have had another class with Music boy( and i wouldn't have to wake up at 6:30 everyday. It sucks). Other than listening to his music everyday i don't really get to see him as much. I don't know whether i like him or just want to be his friend, whatever the case when i do see him i get nervous and giddy( yes..giddy), but not in the art boy kind of way.

The only time i really get to see him is when i am leaving my class, and he is well...walking to it. Its been like this for the last 4 weeks, we cross paths at the same intersection, i avert eyes, scurry, and then curse anxiety for the whore that it is.

But today was extremely cold. I mean teeth chattering, finger numbing, nose dripping cold, and i was wearing a light jacket. So as i was walking i saw Music Boy heading straight towards me. I couldn't even turn the corner and head in another direction...it was just too cold. So instead we nearly collided doing the awkward Superbowl Shuffle trying not to knock each other over. Which led to eye contact and a smile!!!!!

Next week i AM going to the Amnesty Meeting(which he ,and apparently me, is in ) and I am going to say something to him. What that something is I don't know. Am i nervous...Yes. But hopefully this "I can conquer the world" feeling will carry out into next week, as i attempt to make Friends(or at least an acquaintance ) with him.

I would like to acquaint myself with him.

Or at least get past "HEY!"

Jesus my heart is pounding just thinking about it.

But i'm feeling a little brave...a little

Oh and my birthday is next Thursday. the BIG 21.

Burrito Time.