I've been prescribed Prozac.
After an hour long interview going over every aspect of my life, i was handed a piece of paper with the nicely scribbled words of the drug that is suppose to make it all easier.
But despite her comforting reassurances and tales from her own bouts of anxiety i was and still am not convinced this what i want to do, or take.
Perhaps medication is just not for me.
I just don't think i can do it.
I just want to be comfortable in my skin again.
I'm beginning to doubt if i can do that.
8 comments:
I was encouraged to take Prozac too. And I really wanted to... Who doesn't want to feel better?
But I worried that it would change me (which I guess is what it's supposed to do). I didn't want to be the "happier" version of me. I don't know. Maybe I'm too superstitious...but I feel like if you remove the sadness from a person, the sadness that's been there practically her whole life, that person is fundamentally altered. And whatever beauty, compassion, or redemption that might have come from that person's painful perspective is forgone forever.
But if the pain and sadness becomes so great that it prohibits one from functioning...then it's kind of a medical emergency I guess.
No - it doesn't remove the sadness (please see the last two years of my blog for evidence;) ). What it DOES do is give you breathing room to cope with the sadness. It isn't quite as suffocating. It's like when you have a difficult project to do, and you get a headache - you take aspirin, and it doesn't get the project done, or make it easier; but it DOES cure the headache so you can get your work accomplished.
If the meds change your personality drastically, go back to the psych. immediately and tinker with the prescription. Like anything, psychotropic drugs require some trial and error to get just the right kind and amount.
side note: my weirdest side effect when i first started taking Zoloft was chattering teeth. it only lasted a few days but damn was it strange.
don't let anyone fool you into thinking you're running away, or not coping properly by taking "happy pills." they won't make your life perfect, they won't make you happy - they'll just help you function in a way that lets you deal better with your problems.
i'm STILL irritated that I went a full year undiagnosed/unmedicated - such a waste of time.
you can do it! it's easier than taking your flintstones chewables, i promise. the first few pills feel like a huge big deal, and then it's routine like anything else. and you'll find you don't get as upset about things - not in the sort of paralyzing suffocating way, at least.
email anytime if you need/want to.
I wouldn't view taking Prozac as your body having an inability to cope normally, but more or less like Training Wheels.
That's the way my doctor described Paxil to me back in the day, and it helped me view it differently. It's not something that I was going to be taking forever, but just until I got adjusted to my life properly balanced.
I would suggest emiling either kbryna or I if you have any questions or anything.
I think you'll do fine.
:)
I'm not against people using medication - as K said, it's like using aspirin. I have a daughter who would not be in this world, I'm convinced, if she wasn't on an anti-depressant. Me? I was put on Lexapro but found it just zonked me out. I am not on it now and some days are hard, but I trundle through - for me, it is more an anxiety issue, tho' and if I stay away from other people it's not so bad. Okay, did that all make sense? I guess I'm just trying to (in this very long ramble) say that you should probably try it and yes, it can be tweaked or even changed for another med if need be. It can help.
I have not been on anti-depressant meds, but in truth probably should be. I am scared of what they would do to me, but sometimes I wonder if I have just become attached to my depression and anxiety and that is really what I am scared of losing. What would I be without it? Would I still have the qualities that I like having? Will it curb my creativity as some people suggest? Make me into a zombie? My thoughts and feelings are what make me for better or worse right. But, as I have said to you before, your thoughts, and experiences are eerily like mine however i'm about 10 years older than you. Over the years I thought I was making progress, helping myself to feel better and act better socially. Be comfortable in my skin. But then in the last year I looked around me as I was confronted with new surroundings and some life obstacles realized I had hardly changed. The only thing is that now I was older and feel like my ability to even cope is diminishing. I don't know what med's are supposed to do exactly, and if it's going to help solve your problem in a specified period of time or bandage it by making things better only while you are on the med's. So i'd ask Why did the doctor prescribe prozac over the other options like zoloft? what changes you can expect to see and what his patients have told him. And is that supposed to curtain your social anxiety? I have read that cognitive behavior therapy is the most trustworthy ticket out of that hamsterwheel. With these open people expressing their stories, you have a really unique and great support system that you should use.
Alice:
Those fears are actually my own at the present moment. I'm freaked out that it will alter me drastically. I don't want to be the Happy smiling freaky girl walking down the street. I just kind of want to be me. and maybe a part of me is a little sad and shy. Maybe it's just who i am, and i don't know if i want that part of me to go away.
Kbryna:
The doctor said something along those lines too. She was uber nice and even talked about her anxiety problems when she was in her 30's. I asked if she would have taken the drugs if they had been available to her, and she said "it would have made the process a little easier". In addressing whether or not i should take medication i really am trying to address the extent of my problem. I don't know whether i am freaked out about taking drugs or the extent of the issue i am working on. I have a million and one questions, and my mind is sorting through the answers. I am sure to email you and deltron a couple before i make a final decision.
Deltron:
Paxil was an option but she deemed Prozac the best bet for me. In viewing my options i am trying to find middle ground in what road to take. A part of me wants to tough it out, see how much i can do without the drugs. Another part of me wants a little help. I am just stuck in the decison making process.
Sue:
I guess i won't know the affect of the drug on me, until i try it. it's always those initial steps that are the hardest. I believe wholeheartedly that drugs work for some people. I'm just afraid that it may not work on me. She(the doctor) said i could come back to her for more information, and i just think i have to do more research before i make any decisions.
Blank Plate:
I think we have may have been separated at birth. Those exact fears are why i have not headed to the pharmacist yet. I feel a certain part of me has been enriched by the parts of my personality that are anxious. I don't know who i would be without something that has always been there. Because though anxiety has prevented me from doing a lot of things, it's kind of been my friend. It's let me write, and be creative, and dance to the beat of my own drum. So i don't know what i'm doing in trying to get rid of it. Or if taking drugs will diminish the one thing in my life i am proud of having.
And you are right...I have a wickedly awesome support system here.
I don't know if they know that or not. But i thank you all from the bottom of my anxious heart.
We all love you Beckett and we're here for you. A book I found helpful when I was considering meds was, The Noonday Demon. Half-autobiography, half-science journal, well-written, the book delves into the phenomenon of living with pain and sadness.
unless you have that Happy Bouncy Smiling girl in you, in large proportion, it's highly unlikely any meds will turn you into that person. Please keep in mind that EVERYTHING i have ever written on my blog or yours has been after several years of anti-depressants. and i do not think I qualify as chipper cheerful perky happy girl.
you could think of meds another way: they relieve some of the symptoms but you still need to work at the underlying injury. think of it maybe like a broken bone: the meds are the painkillers so you can make it through the days; your therapist is like the cast/physical therapist, but damn if your leg isn't still broken. And together those things will help the break mend but it will always be marked by the break.
none of what makes you so damn awesome is going to disappear with meds. it's going to let the awesomeness out in a brighter, clearer way than ever before so more people can see it.
the worst that happens, if you start meds, is that you hate it. in which case, you stop taking them.
goood luck!
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