NaNoWriMo is officially here!

This year, I want to participate in National Novel Writing Month.

I admit that writing and what I thought would be my adventurous life as a writer has taken a back seat to more pressing life stuff. You know, like finding a job, paying bills and making sure I can afford to live. It boggles my mind that I was so confident about my voice as a writer in high school and college than I am now. Because if I can be as honest as possible, I don't consider myself much of a writer at all.

Whatever voice I had then has been irrevocably changed by my experiences. And obviously this has to be a thing, that writers experience right? I can't be the only one who struggles to write because I don't recognize the voice in my head anymore. That voice--that girl---that woman---is so vastly different from my every day and consistent facade, I am afraid of the intimacy in those words that might come spilling out.

So I don't really write much these days, if at all. Whether it's blogging or short story/novel writing, I just am so uncomfortable in my 'writing' skin that i'd rather focus on life stuff. Mundane, boring, life stuff. Like this morning, I spent 20 minutes watching Youtube videos on laundry detergent. I wish I was joking, but honestly how effective are laundry detergent pods vs. the more conventional liquid detergent. Le sigh, how did I become this person.

Any, who I have halfheartedly participated in National Novel Writing Month every year, only to sort of give up around week 1 (hey, i'm being honest). Novel's aren't easy things to write and I have so many different stories and characters floating around in my head it's hard to narrow it down to one novel. Because of this, I want to remove the Novel out of National Novel Writing Month. Maybe I can just focus on producing some form of written work daily. I think in doing so, I can create multiple things and also maybe establish a routine of writing daily that can eventually lead to focusing on one body of work that I am actively creating.

Of course, I count blogging as a form of written work, so maybe i'll blog more during this month and if am not blogging, i want to be writing poems or short vignettes daily. I am a super practical person. I love working and making money. I love having stability outside of my creative life. But I do recognize often that writing is something I am good at and I would be disappointed and feel unfulfilled in this life if i never produced something for public consumption.

Wish me luck. i'm sure i'll be documenting most of my National Writing Month struggle here.