"What will we do Macgyver?"

As I have stated before...I am pretty much the female Macgyver.

Okay so I can't build a bomb with a toothpick and some aluminum foil. But I do think of a plan very quickly in sometimes stressful situations. Other than my complete devotion of wanting to help people for the remainder of my life, to do some greater good for people, I mainly want to be a doctor, because it's really the only thing I know how to do. I mean sure journalism was once something I wanted to do for fun, but after an unsuccessful high school stint I choose to writing in journal form, or fiction(I started writing a new story yesterday, extremely excited). I was interested in screenplays and movies for a while, well I still am, but I know that there are a lot of people who are out to "make it". When I weighed my options, dabbled in what else I would be good at, could possible do for a living, I always came back to being a doctor. Not even like a doc who works in the hospital(though thats what I probably want to really do) but I have always been interested in psychology and things like that.

I think my passion for becoming a doctor, stems from my abilities at solving problems. My Macgyver skills. I usually don't assert myself, but give me a door that won't open, and paper jam, an exit out of a huge building, and other things, I will quickly see what the problem is, and come up with the steps to fix it. I usually pull it out of my ass though( I know I could have used a better phrase..sue me...okay don't really sue me, i'm a broke college student), I mean I don't really know what my plans involve, but they usually start with me saying "do you have a pen and a wet paper towel", no duck tape for this story friends.

I guess thats a positive aspect(since I always seem to dwell on the negative), is that I think quick on my feet. I don't crack under pressure,and don't give up, until all my resources have dried up. Part of my Macgyver personality traits is being equipped with a plan. If Plan A fails, you have to have Plan B, C, D...

Lately i've been thinking a lot about Plan B.

Plan A is for me to go directly to Med school in Penn some where, or areas surrounding that(Boston,NYC, and dare I say it...NJ). Ideally I would like to say that plan was the easiest one to accomplish, but my not so stellar performances in science related areas would say otherwise. I mean I can honestly say, I have never been a fan of the boring science crap. I mean I like genetics, tell me to talk about progeria,retrovirus, and defects resulting in trisomy 1(down syndrome), and other diseases... you've got me started. Tell me to talk about what the hell a mitochondria is, or how to find the molarity a compound that is involved in neutralization reaction....you got another thing coming.

It's not that I don't like learning about the boring aspect, but they are so broad that unless you have some background on them(or are a programmed freshman sent from the CIA to make me feel like a idiot), then they kind of seem like a big pile of mess, inside my head.

Plan B. Oh plan B. I changed my major to psych like 2 months ago, and when I went to the conference with the med students, they had all said the same thing. "Take a year off". Med school will basically suck the life out of you, "run for the hills". Okay the last one I didn't here, but you literally saw that med school had beat some of those kids down.

Though taking off for a year of debauchery(though it would be totally fun) is out of the question. Grad school isn't. I figure psychology is something that I am hella interested in, and would be sort of fun to have that year or whatever in books and crap( I don't know why I imagine grad school to be some great highlight of my educational years.) I mean I could go to school in NJ,PA, MA or maybe even hit back up NYC. I like to learn, I like filling my head with new knowledge and thats a good plan B. A great plan B I must say. I'll formulate more things that go along with Plan B later, but the blueprint seems strong.

I decided to grade myself this semester. Forgot those normal grades the professors gave me. But looking back on my semester I notice all the things I could have done, and the all the time I wasted.

B- in trying new things. I did go to the conference, and Kays house, and joined a 2 new clubs(I am now writing a newsletter for a pre-med club), but I didn't go to Art boys club, the theater down the street, or any school related activities.

C in making some friends at school. I did talk to more people then last year. I mean I talked with my lab partner, and some people in bio, a girl named Erin(who I talked to later on in the semester) and me and Kay are becoming wickedly close. But I still have Mike hanging on by a thread, and I haven't talked to people with more of the same interest as me at school.

D in keeping my room clean. I'm disgusting. I am not organized, I lose everything, and towards the end I have become so use to the clutter I couldn't find anything when it was clean.

F with the boys and other social things. Art boy was bust, though he lives in the same hall, one floor up, and I keep running into him. I avoided leaving my room at all cost, and created crushes on celebrities intstead of boys who I can actually attain (eww... I had a dream about my brothers friend Robert, who graduated with me, and who I knew and talked on and off. It was hella creepy...).

A for...I don't know. I just wanted to have one A on my "you are flunking life Beckett" list. I guess an A is for...My...willingness to...okay I guess an A can go to leaving behind the past. I recognize that I can not progress into my very bright future if I do not blow out the fading light of my past. Though I recently got in touch with my old friend from White Plains, I have not attempted to call my Ex-best friend in New Rochelle, and have even deleted her off of IM.

A is for the growth I am displaying, and for further things I learn about myself as I let myself be vulnerable, and let go of some of my constraints. Thats counts as 2 A's. Yeah

So thats 14 divided by 6. which is a astounding 2.3 GPA of my life. It's a C-. I'll do better next semester. My life deserves at least a 3.5 grade report.

Oh...before I go. I read the most amazing words off of DarkMachines blog. I've been away for a week, so the majority of my night was spent catching up on what I had missed on everyones blog. I'm star gazer. I mean i'm a dreamer so naturally the stars are profound for me. I think every year for about 5 years I asked for a telescope. So I ended up with so many of them by the time I was 12 that I later gave them away. So reading the line, well the whole entry actually a) made me tear up b) made me give it an A for most profound thought in the closing days of this year. It was really deep people, Deep. So in closing here is the thought that made me tear up in reference to the stars I stare up at night( I hope you don't mind me putting it on my here blog).

"How nice it would be to be with them. I would't ask for much, just to fill the space between the stars. No one would even notice I was there."