Somewhere only we know.

Oh...My last psych class was today. Actually I had my final exam today for psych, it was short and I was out in no time. I rarely spoke in the class, and by rarely I mean I never said anything. Which probably stood out in a class of only 7 people. I didn't even think he knew my name, he just assumed I was a person taking up space in a already stuffy room. But he said my name as I left, and I feel like I left my quiet storm demeanor was appreciated.

My moms apartment hunting has left her at square one again. The place that did accept her doesn't allow animals. What kind of bull is that, everyone in the whole world has an animal. I don't know anyone who doesn't have some kind of pet, be it a dog, cat, or fish. I can get an apartment where I go to school that allows pets. Big pets too. We have two cats, one who is afraid of her own shadow and another whose balance is questionable.

That blows the bucket. If I had a place I would have no problem taking them with me, but under the circumstances that is not possible. Luckily I don't have to get rid of them. Cause that wouldn't happen. I'd refuse to go home, and things would get ugly. I don't need to lose a place to live and then lose my smushed face babes(Nina's the grey one, she has that "what the hell are you doing" look because I kept snapping picks. Nelly is my Charlie brown cat, because she lounges around and is the balance challenged one). Ain't happening

My brother is feeling pretty shitty. Which is weird because I swear sometimes he lacks empathy. Yesterday he told my mom he was afraid that he would go through life being a failure. Crushing to hear. Especially when I haven't been on his side lately.

Having a brother is so weird. When I was younger it was awesome. I wasn't a girly girl and the last thing I wanted was a sister who I probably would have had to compete with. He was like the kid I looked up to, the kid I wanted to be like. Teenage years he totally changed. I mean we didn't even want to be near him. He thought he had it all figured out. But I hearing that he's ultimate fear, is also mine, weirds me out. And I felt like a hypocrite telling my mom that she should tell him that you cant' be afraid of failing when you don't even make an attempt to succeed.

But then I'm thinking "wait, isn't that what I do",maybe not to that extent, but I'm fearful of standing out. I'm fearful that what I say or even what I write may be stupid and why even attempt doing it. But we don't know unless we try, unless we allow ourselves to step out there and test the water. So we may not always succeed the first time around, but we can't give up on the small sliver of chance that we might.

My favorite show is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia . It's a hilarious show and if you haven't seen it you are missing out. New Episodes start this Thursday on FX. Had to put in a plug. And I find out this dude, who writes, stars, probably edits, only spent 200 on the pilot. He had been a struggling actor for ten years and finally was fed up with it and went for his dream and made this show, which is now on television.

My favorite quote from the three guys who star and write in the show is "Rob here failed for ten years, a really long time. He failed so much that he should have thrown in the towel, he really should have , but he didn't... Because he couldn't afford a towel."

I guess the point is, how do learn how to stop being afraid. But what makes us afraid. What makes me afraid. And I figure I figure out what that is, which I hit it on the nail, I can being afraid. It' like you have you have to choose your battles, your wants and fight for them. Jump over every obstacle to get there, and them be amazed at what you can do with your life once you have taken the chance on a dream. I can maybe finish something. Maybe even a great novel. Or screenplay. Right now I just want to pass chemistry with a B. Let's start with that battle first.