She hasn't called me since Saturday.
Which means she doesn't know that I am mad at her or she meant every word she said and doesn't care about our friendship. Either way it sucks.
I don't plan on ending our friendship (I've known her since i was 12) but at 24 she can't say shit like that to me, and then expect me to be all bubbly on the phone. I planned out what I was going to say to her: You crossed the line the other day. My feelings were hurt and I don't expect that to come out my 'best friends' mouth. I don't feel like talking to you for a while, but when I am my feelings will have recovered.
but this scenario could only work if she calls. And she hasn't because she has said crap like this before and she just doesn't care. Now I feel all kinds of low, and it's raining outside and my room smells weird cause I forgot to throw out a cup of hot chocolate that I don't even remember buying.
I bought a puzzle the other day because I have this need to see something completed from start to finish. Writing does not always produce a completed concept, so I needed another outlet. I use to love doing puzzles with my mom because there is something about patiently fitting small pieces together to form a whole image.
the picture is a simple white farm house, one of those southern ones with the front porch and the American flag. The skies are grey, it looks like rain is coming, and there are a few clouds in the background. I don't know why this picture spoke to me, but I want to piece together this house from the ground up. I need it to be whole again.
I need to be whole again.
1 comment:
INteresting, about the puzzle. i keep having this pull toward puzzles, have for the last six or eight months. i keep thinking: "i should buy a puzzle!" and i think of being in an almost-trance, fitting those pieces together while music plays.
then i think: "I don't need any more old-lady hobbies."
but your explanation of the need to complete something - maybe i DO need a puzzle, after all.
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