In Another Time Girl.

This weekend we got hit by a really awkward storm that came out of nowhere. I only say this, because the day before (Friday) was not too bad. It wasn't a bright or sunny day, but okay by march standards.

Then on Saturday something out of a Stephen King novel happened and the sky turned black and tore Westchester up. I walked to work (miserable of course) in heavy winds, and I almost flew away. How badly I wanted to.

It was hurricane like weather, and for once, everyone stayed inside instead of trashing the store. By the time I left work, around 8, trees wore split in half, thousands were without power, a window had shattered something awful down the street and the wind...oh, the wind. It smack and punched and bruised everyone.

Everyone asked how I was going to get home. It's too dangerous. Just wait the storm out. You could blow away. But I didn't care. I had no desire to hang out there. And I was anchored by my heavy depressed state as of late.

The wind kicked my ass of course and I was thrashed about the whole way home.

I didn't get to sleep that night. Mainly because the night before I had a dream about McAbs where he was violent towards me. My feelings towards him are up in the air. There are some days when I like him. There are others when I couldn't care less. But that night, he made an appearance in my dreams as the worst sort of man in the whole entire world. I went to work, not having slept much the night before and was a bit grouchy.

I didn't really want to encounter another disturbing dream on Saturday, and the wind at my window kept me awake. So I worked on my resume until an ungodly hour, because I need a job. And one quick. I can't survive off of the bookstore money much longer. I just can't, and I don't know how much longer I can live in New York under these finical constraints. It's getting rough.

When I did wake up, I lost an hour (this time change thing is brutal), felt like crap because of the lack of sleep and did not want to head into work after the horrendous storm. At all. When I got to work on Sunday, I learned that the storm was a lot worse than expected. 74,000 people in the county alone are without power and about 1,000 tried to hang out in the store to use the power outlets yesterday. Teens hung out in the aisle checking their facebook accounts , parents conducted business in the children's department while there kids destroyed the department, people worked on homework, watched Youtube, made a home for themselves in the store.

But I didn't care. I gave them all the eye like "really. You came here during your power outage". I grew up experiencing a million blackouts. And my mom kept us home. She would bring out the candles, a board game, and take us to the living room. Sometimes we would grab flashlights and head outside into the neighborhood, and go figure, talk to our neighbors. It was sooooo weird yesterday. No one knew what to do with themselves, so the bookstore was their best option.

I am trying to keep my head up these days, but it's hard. I don't think I want to be in New York anymore. I have days where I just want to pack up the little things I have here and leave. We keep playing that dame Sade Cd in the store, and though I love me some Sade, hearing it every hour can make a girl want to throw the cd out the window. Don't get me wrong, the cd is amazing and In Another Time, gets me all the time. I just stop and want to cry when the song comes on. The lyrics are painful and sad.

That song particularly, reminds me of me

I need a break. Literally and figuratively. I need to get a job that doesn't suck, in a place that doesn't drive me crazy ( i can't deal with the pretentiousness here. And I miss the damn silence), doing something that doesn't suck.

I want a simple existence. I want to wake up in the morning, in my nice apartment and make a delicious and simply breakfast . I want to go to my creative, fun, challenging job where my co-workers are people I want to hang out with. And then, when the work day has ended I want to return home. To my nice little place, away from the city, where I can make me something to eat. Something that will take me a little while to put together. I'll invite the boy (whoever he is) over or maybe a friend to my house, for a nice chill evening of conversation and Ghostbusters! And then, at the end of the night, I would retreat to my bedroom, write a few pages of my novel before nightfall, and then to sleep where my cat Jack would already be curled up at the edge of the bed.

I want that life. How do I get that life.